UnNews:'It's not my fault I'm f**king so miserable... you try running a tinpot central American dictatorship!,' claims Victoria Beckham
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15 May 2008
MARDY ARSED STROPPY BUCK TOOTHED DIVA Victoria Beckham has long been criticised for being permanently fucking miserable, but she insists that it is being dictator of a tinpot Central American country, rather than a cranky disposition, that is to blame.
The 34-year-old, who took over Panama after a violent coup in 1997 - says her stern appearance simply comes down to the constant pressures of being a despotic dictator. She told (the incompetent) Fiona Phillips on GMTV today: "You try looking happy after drug warlords have tried to assassinate you and your family for the sixteenth time in ten months. I have every fucking right to be a miserable old cow!"
"Only this morning my fucking car was riddled with bullets by a group of gunmen from a Coumbian drug cartel. My hair was fucking ruined!"
Not only does "Posh Spice" need to watch her back from criminal drug cartels but President George Bush recently included her country as part of his "axe of evils" and has reportedly sent in a crack team of Navy SEALS to "take her out".
"That was the last thing I needed" Victoria said this morning, "to have that fucking evil little monkey on my back."
[edit] Sources
- leave me alone "oh do shut up". bollocks, May 15, 2008
