UnNews:Al-Zarqawi Death Ruled Accidental

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8 June 2006

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BAGHDAD - The death of terrorist mastermind, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, has been ruled an accident by the Coroner General of the United States, Dr. Wilde Endergen. Earlier reports that the most wanted terrorist in Iraq had been killed by a huge bomb dropped on him were apparently exaggerated.

"His injuries clearly indicate that Mr. al-Zaquari died as a result as a result of head injuries sustained in a fall in the shower," said Endergen. "He evidently had soap in his eyes, was reaching for a towel, and slipped on a wet surface. His head struck the side of the tub, rendering him unconscious, and he died from a massive brain hematoma."

U.S. military officials expressed regret that they did not have a chance to bomb the shit out of him, and that the whole episode has a very unsatisfying feeling about it.

Army Chief of Staff, General Mitchell Green, commented, "After all the billions we spent to try and get this guy, who was basically an evil dude who liked to chop people's heads off, to have him die from slipping in the shower is kind of anti-climactic. I mean, he didn't pay for his atrocious crimes at all, did he? Where's the justice there?"

Services for the al-Zaquawi will be held Sunday. The family has requested that in lieu of flowers, a donation should be made to Habitat for Humanity.