UnNews:Anubis found in ditch
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
|
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation. |
11 May 2007
The ancient Egyptian god has been found in a ditch after a heavy drinking binge last night. According to one of his close friends, Ra the sun god, he was "Trying to end it all after a very bad season of worship."
He went missing from Valhalla three days ago and took all of his belongings with him, including his famed shrunken head. "I didn’t know he was capable of suicide, I think he’d had enough of the whole mummification process, of which he is the patron god of" said Thor this morning.
After piecing together CCTV footage we have found out what happened last night. It started off by Anubis going to the ‘Sleazy Sailor’ bar, which is renowned for its ‘dodgy’ customers. After a few hours here, Anubis limped off down the street to another pub, where he caused a huge ruckus and was thrown out for disorderly behaviour, animal cruelty and indecent exposure.
Anubis was later seen throwing up into the river whilst leaning on the metal railings. He is reported to having been cursing severely.
Heads of other religions have been quick to criticise the ancient Gods, but Allah says, "the old dog Anubis has been playing up a bit. I think he needs to burn a few infidels and lighten up a little, preferably with a bomb strapped to him."
Anubis has been taken to rehab, where he is meeting up with old friends such as Loki, Pan and Kirk Douglas. Whatever happens to Anubis, we will be right behind him, taking pictures of his misfortune.
