UnNews:Archive/April 2007
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[edit] April 1
- Bombings on South Carolina force thousands below ground
- Fit for a Princess: LeBron's new house is a little girl's paradise
- Miss America homeless again
- Tom Cruise converts to Islam
- Wave of nostalgia sweeps Iran
[edit] April 2
- Captured UK Marine to become Weatherman
- Global warming to end some species (maybe)
- Kitten confesses to killing
- Leading scientists declare global warming associated with Menopause
- New York Times journalist forgets how to write
- Pope John-Paul II announces candidacy for President
[edit] April 3
- Greeks hate new documentary
- Holiday season finally winds down for Johnson family
- Rove Implicated in plot to fire himself
- Yanukovych: "Yuschenko iz t3h ghey"
[edit] April 4
- 700-pound woman removed from dumpster
- France's new bullet train to run away from a fight at 356 mph
- Laser CCTVs to solve UK yobbery problem
- Scientists make a sheep-human hybrid, bestiality enthusiasts pleased
[edit] April 5
- Do your own stunts do you?
- Greys Athletic finally clinch Premiership Title
- Iranian government releases new "Iranian Waters" line of bottled water
- Obama womanizing rivals Clinton's
[edit] April 6
- Disney to host Gay unions
- Easter bunny crucified
- Terrorists endorse Nancy Pelosi
- Uppity Gas Prices Force All Combustion Engines To Go On Strike! Environmentalists Pleased At HIGH Gas Prices
[edit] April 7
- Northworst Airlines admit pilots are jackasses
- Scientists invent new fossils
- Thoreau leaves woods behind
- Titanic celebrations begin early in Greece
[edit] April 8
- Bush: Peaceful Iranian resolution "boring"
- Democrats debate resolution to end war
- Harvard decides to cease admissions
- Left and Right unite - attack Middle
- Weather is colder than a witches tit in a brass bra
- Women urged to name their sex toys
[edit] April 9
[edit] April 10
- New TV show to depict Iranian Sailor Hostage drama
- New fashion models strut their stuff on Paris runways
- School district shocked by porn charges
- Security officer looking forward to posting
[edit] April 11
- "Live Earth" gigs cancelled to prevent Global Warming
- American entertainment news sources in a panic
- France Surrenders
- Man actually has a gun in his pocket, three dead
- Uncle Duke is the father of Anna Nicole's baby
[edit] April 12
- Hos threaten to tell Imus mommy
- Nappy Headed Hoe introduced
- The Henson Rat added to endangered species list
- Woman posing as teenage boy is actually a man posing as a woman posing as a teenage boy
[edit] April 13
- Local cancer loses battle with woman
- Melbourne tabloid cites boredom as cause of hypocrisy
- Pelosi visits Imus
- Police unsure how to deal with new breed of "Out to be caught" flashers
- Spontaneous building explosion concerns Iraqi terror group
- Wolfowitz defiant in promotion of boyfriend
[edit] April 14
- Dullsville featured on Wikipedia's Main Page
- Fox News declares war on Rap
- New emoticons keyboards help users put on a happy face
- Science confirms: Love is, in fact, a battlefield
- Turtle attacks man
[edit] April 15
- Howard Dean's epic campaign for presidency shocks US
- Lawrence Land to celebrate author's "literature of lewdness"
- Microsoft releases it's own image file format
[edit] April 16
- Journalist discovers news, reports on it
- Sumo Summer Camp for kids to open
- Transfats found to be healthy
- U.S. friends, family plan gun 'intervention'
[edit] April 17
- Another goth killing! When will it end?
- British invent quantum disassembler
- Message in a bottle breaks round alone record
- Mimzy Has Eyes tops movie box office
- Osbourne uses The Secret to will herpes upon adversary
- Recent Simpsons episode actually pretty funny
- Richard Gere claims new "Bride of Satan"
- Science proves: Soy milk not actually milk
- Virginia Tech notes that 22,261 students were not shot dead
[edit] April 18
- Dog bites Man
- New Jersey Governor's car crash caused by 88mph time-travel attempt
- ROBO-STUDENT would have prevented massacre
- Six-year-old girl denies "slut claim"
- Student Commits Sepuku over bad writing
- Subliminal messaging concealed in Wikipedia
- Virginia Tech gunman was "Probably Muslim" say authorities
[edit] April 19
[edit] April 20
- Asian Loners Take Legal Action Against Media
- Communists Shocked By Pro-Capitalist Protests
- Costco to sell marijuana by the bushel
- New British Moon Mission Revealed
- Satirist killed, police advise caution to 'paedian parodists
[edit] April 21
- Al-Qaeda claims responsibility for suicide raccoon
- Americans have high hopes for Sunni Ghetto in Baghdad
- Harry Potter murders everyone at Hogwarts
- Lego offers sex education kit
- Mathematicians: 42 really the same number as 23
- Sightings increase: Cows may be coming home
[edit] April 22
- Blue angel kills South Carolina pilot
- E. coli strikes again; United States declares war
- Girl decapitates boyfriend during make-out session
- Sun serenades solar system
- The Ninja signs book deal
- Updated Presidential Pre-Polls
- Wikipedia vs. Myspace: Wales lays the gauntlet
- World of Warcraft to be blamed for Virginia Tech Shootings
[edit] April 23
- Controversy sullies Nintendo Power Awards
- Global warming to transform men into women
- Nintendo recreates its corporate identity on the Wii
- Not the same old African orphan charity
- Sheryl Crow "talks crap" again
- VT massacre a "conspiracy", claimed Dylan Avery
[edit] April 24
- Football Match Takes Place; Somebody Wins
- Kids still fucking
- New Waterford hit simutaneosly by hurricane and earthquake
- Noob Gets PWNED
- Video game blamed for school attack
- Vodka industry in turmoil following Yeltsin's death
- Witches okay for national cemetery memorials; holy cows may be next
[edit] April 25
- America Invades Itself
- Carnage at NASA from office ban on self-defense
- Celebrity wins Father of the Year Award
- Earthlike planet discovered
- Eloi continue search for mysterious device
- Mogadishu now tops list of "Best Cities to Live in for Warlords"
- No Smoking in UK, ANYWHERE!
- Students unsure about condoms
- Virgin Mary seeks counselling
- Wales Blocks Google
[edit] April 26
- Boozy women fight less
- Captain America assassinated
- McCain announces bid to become the next American Idol
- Microsoft Have Human Brains Break Through
- Senator Harry Reid's apotheosis
- US bans breathing due to global warming concerns
[edit] April 27
- Huge riot in Estonia due to a statue
- India declares war on Richard Gere
- New study: "Give Kids More Booze!"
- Pat Sharp on comeback tour?
[edit] April 28
- Newslack: Market panics just in case
- Nothing unusual happens
- Politician says something stupid, pisses off special interest
- President Bush announces new heating cost savings plan
[edit] April 29
- Al Qaeda trying to recruit truck driver from California highway collapse
- Alumnus Spills the Beans: "Harvard Hates Everybody"
- Fox News Commentator Bill O' Rielly Advertises KOOL AID
- Gore says "Canada full of fraud"
- Horse is Elected Mayor of Hawaii
- Human semen a form of ectoplasm
- Noah's ark to sail again
- President places price freeze on chocolate commodities
- Theory of Sexual Reproduction revised
- Urkel dies
[edit] April 30
- "Uncyclopedia is being overrun by the Brits"
- Feathered sheep cause disturbance
- Goats boycott Sony in slaying protest
- Hot free ass porn now taxed by Congress
- If elected, John McCain would build a wing onto the White House to house his "political zoo"
- NASA Shooting Prompted by Man's Refusal to Cope with Co-workers Conflict of Interest with Disbelief of Extraterrestrial Existence
- Pieces of 'Scott' fired into space
- Prince Harry to duel bin Laden
- Prince Harry to visit Iraq, UK glad
- U.S. investment in Iraqi reconstruction reported perfect
- Uvula's true purpose discovered
- Welsh Schools Should Teach "Through The Medium of Dance"
