UnNews:Archive/April 2008
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[edit] April 1
- Adam Carolla "Drinking with the Stars!"
- April Fool's Day postponed to May
- Bush introduces revolutionary legislation to Congress
- UnNews to report real news today in 'hilarious prank'
[edit] April 2
- Artists ordered to reveal bottoms when applying for grants
- Oliver Stone poised for success with upcoming revisionist film
- Robert Macabee refuses to step down
[edit] April 3
- Apple to get its own OoOQTF document format approved by ISO
- Environmental Activists to become more 'Active'
- God drops stuffed rabbit
- Mugabe's thoughts recorded by communication satellite
- Savage Butter Knife Murderer Strikes Again
- Scientists discover ten new planets
[edit] April 4
- David Tennant to guest star in Torchwood
- East Antarctica breaks off, Americans still don't care
- FAA Inspectors told to not point out airplanes missing wings
- Livingstone's debt to the mob 'won't affect mayoral campaign'
- New Kids on the Block to reunite
- New company to solve all energy problems and global warming
[edit] April 5
- Apocalypse-expecting cultists come out from cave
- April Fool's Day 'death threat' man is released without charge
- Mugabe "still in race", actively courting superdelegates
[edit] April 6
- Americans growing discontent with media--bird flu to blame?
- Charlton Heston dies, God denies access to Paradise
- Dinesh D'souza on the Real Problem With Newtonism
- Nader campaign voices concerns over spoiler effect
[edit] April 7
[edit] April 8
[edit] April 9
[edit] April 10
- McCann: Europe-wide system of ropes and pullies "may have helped find missing daughter"
- Polygamous cults "grant women life-long great hair"
- Sausage a day causes cancer
[edit] April 11
[edit] April 12
- Domino's introduces Hubble Deep Field Dish Pizza
- Kevin Rudd criticizes the Fire Nation
- Regegade rabbi recites kaddish with only nine Jews present; universe thrown into chaos
[edit] April 13
- People bitter over Obama calling them 'bitter'
- UK Government announces revocation of independence for USA
- Wikipedia launches Medicine Reference Desk, orders bot to delete it
[edit] April 14
- Pat Robertson announces the start of his 30-day ‘Abstinence from Christianity’ campaign
- UnNews Media has "turned to shit"
- Yankees Remove Curse From New Stadium
[edit] April 15
- China led world executions in 2007
- Experts warn of "gay" epidemic if ban on gay blood donors is lifted
- Graffiti artist Banksy paints "worlds biggest speed-nob" whilst being monitored by CCTV
- Jimbo declares war on Uncyclopedia for the millionth time
- Man bored with Jesus, stress ball; decides to move
- Sun God Ra pleased with increase in human sacrifices
[edit] April 16
- China to kill all citizens in pre-Olympic clean-up
- Pope condemns naughtiness
- Random Outcry as Young Boy Sneezes On David Cameron
- UN body urges manufacturing reforms to stave off ink crisis
[edit] April 17
- Iowa switches names with Idaho--no one notices
- Six Surrey men found guilty of "supporting Manchester Utd"
- Umbrellas 'won't work' in protecting against intercontinental missile attack
[edit] April 18
- "Iraq causes headaches," says US troops
- Clinton dodges bullets in Bosnia
- Le Stinky bastards: England engulfed by "French stench"
[edit] April 19
[edit] April 20
- Gordon Brown Kills Labour Party, Backbenchers; Aides Pick Off Survivors
- Mayans were right, we're all screwed
[edit] April 21
[edit] April 22
- Kittens featured in local household
- Pope gets high, hosts impromptu Hitler memorial
- Very small seismic events foreshadow catastrophic destruction
[edit] April 23
[edit] April 24
- Evidence of Syrian hidden volcano base "compelling" reveal CIA
- Obama is "too X-Treme" says GOP
- Obama says he is "rubber", and Clinton "glue"
[edit] April 25
- American cargo ship fires warning shot at Iranian after he sneezes
- Outrage as man ignores health and safety guidance whilst saving baby from car submerged in river.
- Pre-Teen Repeatedly Beat White House Officials at Game of Battleship
[edit] April 26
- Day of woe to World's scientists: Russian fishermen catch and eat alien
- Former Obama taxi driver calls media "unfair" in yet another display of despicable radicalism
- Winehouse arrested for delayed reactions.
[edit] April 27
[edit] April 28
[edit] April 29
- Austrian man manages to fulfil what is secretly every man's fantasy
- Henn Eff, creator of the NFS filesystem - convicted
- High-speed train crash "not disasterous enough"
- Senators fly across Washington in private jets to meet and discuss air traffic problems
- Three letter acronynms lead to AIDS, doctors caution
