UnNews:Archive/August 2007
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[edit] August 1
- In memoriam Wendy
- Skateboarding priest on leave
- Tacoma tries rap music to chase Jehovah's Witnesses from bus stops
- Wal-Mart plans to sell Jesus relics
[edit] August 2
- Alberto Gonzales claims he doesn't recall saying "I may have created confusion"
- Big Brother is shouting at you
- Fisher-Price recalls toys caked in radioactive material
- Laser printers may "have bought down the Twin Towers"
- Minneapolis bridge collapse foils terrorist plan to blow up same bridge
- Philosophy student comes to realization that "It's all a dream, man"
- Russia plants flag at North Pole, launches real estate boom
[edit] August 3
- Game developer Capcom fails in plan to kill all black people
- Local men secure enough in masculinity to fuck other men
- Muslims demand pop star Gwen Stefani to "tone down" act
- Uncyclopedias all around the globe are being assimilated. Nobody Cares.
[edit] August 4
- China plans Cultural Revolution alongside 2008 Olympic Games
- Prime Minister pledges foot-in-mouth action
[edit] August 5
[edit] August 6
[edit] August 7
- Barry Bonds hits 755 consecutive home runs in single inning
- Censorship takes over America
- Frozen pizzas manufactured in China recalled by FDA
- Giuliani supports Barack Obama for President
- KFC plans move into kebab market
- Nazi impostor apprehended in Israel
- New thing called wheel make move mud less hard
[edit] August 8
[edit] August 9
- Arabs left in dismay after global warming-caused depletion of sand levels leave North African countries broke
- Call for more 'gangsta trippin' role models.
[edit] August 10
[edit] August 11
- Johnson & Johnson sues Vatican over "cross" logo
- Lord Lucan found in House of Lords
- NASA photographs galaxies having sex
- President Bush a robot!
- Scooby-Doo villans released due to "technicality"
- Supreme Court throws out Gargamel Case
[edit] August 12
[edit] August 13
[edit] August 14
- Bush says 'bye to Brain
- Road trip continues after father reneges on promise
- Scientists discover that Lincoln had a wart, American population now despises him
- Sportscasters promoted to full-time news anchors
[edit] August 15
- "Nobody Believes I'm Lord Lucan!"
- "OOh missus!" Soapstar chat show goes down a storm
- Experts:Mediterranean's climate curiously resembles pea soup
- Insane Tramp turns out to be Billionaire
- Princess starts school for suicide bunnies
- Royal Navy's New "Boat" Passes The Test
- Ryan Giggs plays 10^78th game
[edit] August 16
- Breakthrough science could save society
- Dachshund Consumption Declines
- Rat Poison is Harmful
- Scientists Turn Female Mice Into Sex Machines
- Super solution for Rubik's cube
- Wikipedia "shows nerdy obsessive edits"
[edit] August 17
- "Posh Spice" snubbed by Chanelle "out of Big Brother"
- Asbestos and the Law
- Mine owner continues hunt for Elvis
- Monogamy in Utah upsets economy
[edit] August 18
- British government get tough on suicide
- Broccoli voted best vegetable ever, food critics revolt
- Original Van Halen lineup to begin touring, fighting again
- Thanks to new loopholes, Gambling now world's largest industry
- Toy company boss commits suicide
- Tragic Death reported in Chad
- UnNews bulletins reported to be untrue
[edit] August 19
- CIA and Vatican manipulating Uncyclopedia
- Criss Angel Turns Himself Into a Woman and Gets Arrested
- E=mc^2 disproven!
- New rule in football allows players to defensively shoot each other in the head
- Preschollers Wed in Arkansas
- Smart dog survived Vick's "Bad Newz Kennels"
- UK Prison Population Will Include Whole Country by 2020
[edit] August 20
- Eleven Killed on Boll Film Set
- New "Halloween" movie getting little promotion; world in panic
- Princess Peach convicted of human rights violations
- Russia denies indoctrinating polar bears
- Stuffy intellectuals discover internet memes
[edit] August 21
- Dean Hurricane threatens rowdy frat boys in Cancun
- Giant jellyfish donated to Mexico
- Jet Li attacks Chinese film censors
- Links Between Video Games and The Black Death Investigated
- New Page of The Bible Discovered
- New writing technique good for some, bad for others
[edit] August 22
[edit] August 23
- Britney shaved her head "because of spelling test"
- Coco Cola sponsor Colombian Trade Unionist to paint picture to show the "Coke side of Life"
- McDonald's Announces Intention to Become A Sovereign Nation
- Vladimir Putin showing off his supreme hotness in Siberia
[edit] August 24
[edit] August 25
- Big Brother Bush: ‘unwar in Eurasia unfar’
- Faux Pas: bad for business abroad?
- Hubble telescope views Nowak trial
- Irishman bites head off of girlfriend during a fight
- Woman banned from Nova Scotia bar for being too fat
[edit] August 26
- Camilla pulls out of her funeral
- Man slays Mayor, declares himself Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
- Michelle Trachtenberg proves she's an ass
- Nothing surprises scientists
[edit] August 27
[edit] August 28
- "Seductive enchantresses" mar end of Notting Hill carnival
- Ebert & Roeper to introduce new review method
- Lavatory Limbo: Idaho senator caught with pants down
[edit] August 29
- NASA agrees to attach a billboard to their next space shuttle
- Nelson Mandela killed by giant "Nelson Mandela" robot
- Smokers to be encouraged by "smoking is cool" pictures
[edit] August 30
- Craig to chair Senate Inappropriations Committee
- US astronauts 'did not fly drunk' (but did "just a little" LSD)
