UnNews:Archive/December 2006
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[edit] December 1
- 13-year-old wins Writer of the Month, despite rules and common sense
- Alleged "Iron Man" Attacks Birmingham
- Ethiopia declares war on Starbucks
- James Taylor's "Mud Slide Slim" kills nearly 200 in Phillipines
- Local - Bar review : just say no to 'EMERGENCY'
- Optimus Prime urges goodwill towards Bratz
- Paul Simon admits killing Tupac in open court
- Pope makes visit to historic House of Blues
- Steven Seagal joins Chuck Norris in World War3 dates. Exclusive Interview
- Sydney Race riots, take new turn
- UnNews unveils video news broadcasts
[edit] December 2
- Castro misses military parade due to his death
- General Funston lives up to his reputation, thousands displaced
- Godot arrives, explains Euroipods debacle
- Santa's saintliness challenged by Christians
- Yao Ming unexpectedly fathers midget
[edit] December 3
- Footballer has a foot like a traction engine
- Holiday Hawk maims several Scientologists
- Narcotic hamster production at all time high
- Sega DreamBowel 2 launch
[edit] December 4
- Bank of New York to buy melon for $16.5 Billion
- Encyclopedia Britannica opens up royal rumble to Wikipedia administrators
- Gamers to take over the world
- Jason Dainter almost causes apocalypse, still clueless
- Local zookeeper receives sexually threatening phone call from Jay Leno
- Police kill religious cult leader and Playstation 3 thief
- Slash and gash is back (with a vengeance!)
- University of Michigan student government takes stand against BCS
[edit] December 5
- Britain's Trident plans leaked
- Bush: God Must Lay Down Weapons of Mass Destruction
- Cracker Jack updates "surprises"
- Discovery will launch for Space Station on Thursday. "Three out of five haven't blown up yet" says NASA
- Ex-scientology member reverse engineers thetan
- Gates next Secretary of Defense, Windows now mandatory
- Gibson's "Apocalypso" bloody musical
- Haggard feels "fabulous!"
- Hollywood unveils new awards
- Local baby born without a soul
- Santa Claus is not coming to town
- USS Intrepid freed from NYC fecal bar
[edit] December 6
- "Church" of Scientology award nominations
- Bible mistranslated; Conan to inherit the earth
- Clooney "devastated" over death of partner
- Death camp brightens up with extensive makeover
- DefSec nominee Gates says America losing the War on Christmas
- E-post
- John Travolta gay claims mount up after found riding space needle
- Katie Holmes confirmed as Secretary of Defense
- Kermit finds rainbow connection; lovers and dreamers nowhere to be found
- Legitimate Biblical archeologists discover raptor tracks in Jerusalem
- UnNews reports getting shorter
[edit] December 7
- Japanese celebrate 65th aniversary of Pearl Harbor
- MS Word: 1337 h4Xx0r feature announced
- Mayor of poverty striken municipality launches lawsuit against province
- Negroes expected to dominate Grammy awards
- Oprah found on Mars by Space Probe, says NASA
- Poisonous gas forces US jet to make emergency landing
- Reports from NASA, Iraq study group, get mixed up
- Taco Bell's new "Green Meat Burrito" offers weight-loss benefit
- Underground plumbing discovered on Mars
- Water flowed 'recently' in Utah
[edit] December 8
- A Sad Day for a Song that Should Never Have Ended.
- Condoms 'too big' for African men
- Discovery launch scrubbed; "Clouds too hard" says NASA
- Icy spectre of Death visits Pearl Harbor ceremony to mock "survivors"
- Mad stander strikes again.
- Special Report: Minitrue like, totally gay
- UnConsortium launches dating prep for H-games
- Wesley Snipes captured by U.S. Vampire Capture Agency
- Worthless cat just sits there all day
[edit] December 9
- Bush eats first pretzel in five years
- Family talk about man like he isn't there
- Georgia Revamps State Map
- Ironic t-shirt fails to attract women
- Kids get hurt playing with their Wiis
- Litvinenko investigators find polonium at North Pole; Santa implicated
- Man killed in drunken brawl over the legality of the 21st amendment
- Police strike yet again
- Terror threat against Fruit 'n Fibre
- UNews Repoter:"BENSON Secetrian violence is now civil war"
- Uncyclopedia acquired by Google
[edit] December 10
- Hippies: "You all need to stop farting"
- Mel Gibson makes gay movie
- Nationwide Toothpaste Ban
- Notorious killer Jack the Ripper is back to his old tricks
- Orange you glad I didn't say banana
- Rosie O'Donnell adopts mentally retarded Danny DeVito
- Russian officials go bald, lose appetites
- Source of European disease outbreak discovered
- Stupid kid drowns in pond
- T-shirt error sparks cultural phenomenon
- The Internet battle is forced to stop
- Ty Pennington makes offensive comments, blueprint on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
- Uncyclopedian Fails Project
[edit] December 11
- "Normal" Painting wins Turner Prize: Art World Outraged.
- Bush huffs kitten to promote his Iraq plan
- Crappy poseur band acetate sells for $1 million
- Death of Pinchot sparks riots, arrests
- Germany re-invades Poland
- Jack Black Vs. Jack White: The Jack-Off
- Man has different opinion on Wales' geography
- Santa needs more Weed
- This just in: Diana death still news
[edit] December 12
- Bank of America eyes Barclays, Barclays calls police
- Chancellor committed to preemptive war
- Conference held to determine if Iranian president is a moron
- Experts recommend small nuclear war to stop global warming
- Government balks at having to redesign money for the stupid
- Justin Timberlake: is he bringing Sexy back?
- Lindsey Lohan attends sex addiction support group, attendance quadruples
- Manual of Life unearthed, disappointment ensues
- New cervical cancer vaccine delivered via my penis
- New law stops pedophiles by banning children
- Newscaster caught without underpants
- Original SNL cast reunites for DVD release
- Woman bitten by hobo loses ten pounds of skin
- World's oldest person dies, second oldest person suspected
[edit] December 13
- Ahmadinejad: Holocaust Was Really Big Gay Jew Sex Party
- Democrats' new intelligence chairman don't know nuthin 'bout nuthin
- Iran holds conference to debate the existence of women
- Iran: Israel 'iz lyke ttly ghey'
- Mayor of London demands new powers
- Mother accuses infant of sexual harrassment
- Phone stops ringing
- Saturn moon Titan has big mountains or something
- Something unimportant happens
- Study:Castration 'sharply cuts' HIV infection
- Twins befuddle Polish government
- UK government pushes for ID cards for serial killers
- Zoologists can now breed goths at will
[edit] December 14
- "Fair dinkum" for Aussie migrants
- Dead ducks in Idaho mark arrival of bird flu to North America
- Germans finally getting tired of the "Nazi" stereotype
- Holy Crap! Peter Boyle dies at 71
- Icke, LaRouche: Diana killed in "vast conspiracy"
- Identity theft up 8,000,000,000,000%
- Iran opens "Holocaust Revue"
- Ireland stealing Africa's water, satellite reveals
- Kitten Huffing bishop facing calls to quit
- New U.N. secretary-general sworn in, condemns U.S.
- Research: Uncyclopedia worker interruptions costly
- Someone dies
- Third Reich promises crackdown on "Kikes 'n Commies"
- UN supports Darfur 'No-Fly" zone
- White dolphin declared extinct, tasted great
[edit] December 15
- Brain surgery turns Senator Johnson from Democrat to Republican
- Deer with 8 legs killed by hunter
- Local Tot discovers eldritch horror
- UK Government to ban clothes for overweight
[edit] December 16
- Bill Gates blows fortune on bubble gum
- Giant Mutant Emoticon Sets Out To Conquer Myspace
- New records set in diamond-hard journalism
- Pfizer pulls controversial antidepressant Strychnine
- South Carolina secedes
- Uncyclopedia RAN OUT OF MONEY!!!
- World's Tallest Man saves Dolphin by shoving his arm down Dolphin's throat
[edit] December 17
- Anglican church does split on gays
- God forgives British Columbia
- SETU finds unintelligent life
- TIME magazine names "Person of the Year": Not You
[edit] December 18
- Cancer good for you, says new report
- Children with high IQs most likely to become veggie spods
- Kim Jong Il thinks a 6-party talk is a kegger
- Report: More Americans getting high from pot than from corn or soybeans
- Serial killer reported armed with saxophone
- U.S. gives nuke tech to India, South Korea like, "WTF?"
[edit] December 19
- Crocodile man Steve Irwin pretty much forgotten
- EA introduces NBA Fight Night '07
- Fatah, Hamas agree to withdraw grues from conflict
- Mall security guard harasses actual criminal
- NBA violence at highest level as new Defense Secretary sworn in
- News flash: Axl Rose is no longer a procrastinator; delayed album sees release
- Santa Claus not much of a kidnapper after all
- Santa snagged in counterfeit crackdown
- U.S. sanctioned by IAEA
[edit] December 20
- Bush to send more troops to St. Helens in effort to appease Volcano God
- Bush will not be rushed into decision
- Film "Back To The Future" responsible for time paradox?
- Google acquires Moon, Mars
- Hikers warned not to fuck with Mount Hood
- Hybrid marijuana plant discovered by Mexican police
- Lizard gives birth to second coming of Jesus
- New LA court created for OJ lawsuits
- New study says hopelessness strongly linked to homelessness
- Plan to move Israel to Canada, "just not working out"
[edit] December 21
- Bin Laden claims responsibility for Wii injuries
- Climbing Mt. Hood in December not a good idea, probably
- Foreign film-makers happy with gender-segregation in malaysian state
- L. Ron Turkmenbashi passes to the next Operating Thetan level
- New Potter title: HARRY POTTER AND THE DEADLY FATAL MURDER DEATH
- Scientists link food and obesity
- Thugs steal bloke's beer
[edit] December 22
- Disney buys Santa Claus
- Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell publically profess love for one another, plan to marry
- FAA bans oxygen from airplanes
- Gellar announces latest acting attempt
- John Littlerichard: Spare us the "People's Paparazzi" routine
- Kelloggs Viagra
- Kris Kringle convicted on identity theft charges
- Rosie 6, The Donald 4
- Rosie O'Donnell to play Wonder Woman
- Trump, O'Donnell agree: Katie Rees a "hottie"
[edit] December 23
- Anthill collapse leaves 4 ants dead
- Brunettes have more fun
- Conjoined Olsen twins separated
- France "a figment of the imagination"
- Ghost haunts White House toilet
- Manufacturer recalls Tobacco Tykes play set
- Nintendo recalls Wii-motes amid fears children are 'becoming fit'
- North Korea Sends Yuletide Warning to North Pole
- Santa decides - no murderous rampage this year
- UN Security Council imposes sanctions on North Pole
[edit] December 24
- Charlie Drake Dies in Freak Accident
- Local Christmas light show goes up in flames
- NORAD tracks potential threat (Santa)
- New trend: erotic Christmas tree ornaments
- Rudolph Hideously Trampled In Last Minute Rush to Get Wii
- Santa Claus is coming to town after all
- TV networks ban traditional Christmas films
[edit] December 25
- Actually funny joke found in Christmas cracker
- Emo kid elected President of the United States
- Global Tea for Peace held yesterday, completely successful
- James Brown dies, a full 30 years after Soul Music died
- Sex machine recalled by manufacturer
- UnNews gets first reskin, no one notices
- World's oldest man, Jesus Christ, celebrates 2009th birthday
[edit] December 26
- Clintons deny Bill had sex with Michael Jackson
- Crop circles found on Mars
- Michael Jackson aborts lovechild
- Murderer tracks down YouTube user
- New Street Gang Terrorizes Compton
- Santa dead in fireplace trap
- Terrorist takedown in Maine saves Christmas
- Time-Traveling Paedo Bums Christ
- Uncyclopedia founder plans search engine to rival Google
[edit] December 27
- Aging Hippie Detective Uncovers Who Truly is "The Man"
- Area man can fall in love with anyone
- Cornflake tester dies in Toilet Pie related incident
- Father disgusted with lying child
- Forty "respec'" areas to be announced in UK
- Gerald Ford achieves light-footedness, rhythm
- NHS to refuse treatment for unhealthy patients
- Tony Blair in drunken Miami jet rampage
- Tony Blair's plane overruns airport runway
- UnNews ignores Kwanzaa
[edit] December 28
- BlackBerry "essential tool for business deception"
- Canada shoots spies, America declares war...again
- Eskimos proposed for U.S. endangered species list
- Gellar bares breasts despite no-nudity clause
- Hollywood whale watching popular pastime
[edit] December 29
- Arctic ice shelf splits after attack by Liberal hippies
- Argentine ex-policeman arrested for being in 70's death metal squad
- General Mills releases all new Orgasmically Delicious Lucky Charms
- Gerald Ford dies again?
- Haunted, Ted Kennedy returns to Chappaquiddick
- James Brown's body mistakenly switched for Gerald Ford's at Apollo Viewing
- Kwanza Kancelled
- San Franciso bans gay marriage, evacuated
- Trump hires O'Donnell
- U. S. prepares for Saddam's execution
- Wikimedia Foundation to introduce paid editing
[edit] December 30
- America Hanged For Crimes Against Humanity
- Old Man Winter stubs toe
- Saddam Hussein Hanged and Dead
- Saddam joins Uday and Qusay -- in PARADISE!
- Santa Claus Executed in Baghdad
- Sonic the Hedgehog Hanged
- Tornado Saddam descends on Bush
- Tributes flood in for Saddam
- Update: Gerald Ford rises again!
[edit] December 31
- "Bungee Saddam" wins 2006 Political Ad Of The Year
- Cartoonist Greg Evans dead at 106
- England to join mainland Europe
- First Family's women to wear burquas
- First Saddam sighting in Texas
- Hasbro introduces "My Little Penis"
- Iraqi dictators Gerald Ford and James Brown executed
- New Year upon us, death one year closer
- Saddam execution to be released on special edition DVD
- World nervously awaits impact of Y2.007K computer problem
