UnNews:Archive/February 2008
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[edit] February 1
- 'Lolita' bed for girls withdrawn
- Definition of LOL redefined
- Edwards quit campaign just to watch season premiere of Lost
- Mad man shot dead at boar primary school
- Microsoft offers $44.6B for Uncyclopedia
- Microsoft to buy Yoohoo chocolate drink company
- Scotland Yard smashes people smuggling network
[edit] February 2
[edit] February 3
- Tagruato blamed for internet outages in Middle East
- UnNews officially endorses Mike Gravel for president
- UnNews uncovers Clinton/Obama sex scandal
[edit] February 4
- Allegations of 'bugging' are starting to bug the police
- American government to start distributing food stamps to the wealthy
- Clinton doesn't want Coulter's endorsement
- Dutch cartoonist finds success after bad review
- Giant beats Patriot in "Super Bowl"
- Immigrants told "no murderings or violent robbings" in new 'behaviour packs'
- Obama reveals his true colours
[edit] February 5
- Assignment has Temp working for an asshole
- Beckham’s secret England plan
- Capello identifies key 'ingredients' to success
- Presidental elections cancelled - no budget left after war efforts
- Winehouse filmed playing music
[edit] February 6
- CNN's Situation Room overwhelmed on Super Tuesday; Blitzer hospitalized
- Errata 4 February 2008
- Trig functions challenged
[edit] February 7
- 2008 deemed "year of the rat" because rats will be the only animals left alive on Earth by year's end
- Archbishop: "Islamist Sharia law in UK is inevitable"
- Candidates tremble as Ralph Nader announces he may run again
- Clinton quits race for Whitehouse
- Journalists discover Republican Alan Keyes is running for president
- Reagan rises from the dead and announces his 2008 candidacy
[edit] February 8
- Archbishop: Britain should adopt Dailymailia law
- Government confirms existence of "Area 7" for aliens in Guantanamo
- Romney campaign unsure of what to do with stockpile of foam baseball mitts
[edit] February 9
[edit] February 10
[edit] February 11
[edit] February 12
- Ark of the Covenant has been stolen
- Plans to stage Premiership football matches on Moon and Mars "non-starter"
- Troubled preschooler runs through school with scissors
[edit] February 13
- Baltimore cop suspended
- Iran has developed Biological Weapon Against US
- Scheider death blamed on shark
- Uncyclopedia Sophia entry is criticised
[edit] February 14
- "Bird watcher" photographs ghost whilst watching a pair of Tits
- Australia to Aborigines: 'Sorry for the killing and the stealing and stuff'
- D.C. in chaos as Barack Obama buys donuts from local Dunkin Donuts
- Olympic boycott 'may cost us money'
[edit] February 15
[edit] February 16
- Bush travels to Africa in search of country to invade
- Machines to be as stupid as humans by 2029
- Northern Illinois University shooter was a fine, upstanding citizen, just like everybody you know
- Putin protégé reveals his moderate side
[edit] February 17
- Bull Market Predicted For Poo-Based Economy
- New Night Rider star to brush up on singing
- Romney Revamped
- Ron Jeremy revealed he is 'Sonic the Hedgehog'
- Trailer Park is on the move
- UnNews Sunday Magazine, February 17, 2008
[edit] February 18
- Homeland Security valiantly protects America from brown babies
- Never ending job to finally end
- Survey on apathy cancelled due to lack of interest
[edit] February 19
[edit] February 20
[edit] February 21
- Concertina-playing pensioner given ABSO
- Female G spot "found just outside Colchester"
- I love him!!!1
- Vampires March Against Genetically Modified Blood
- Wisconsin receives its first ever African-American visitor
[edit] February 22
- Alien sex offenders being deported from Virginia
- Elmo doll on the run after threatening child
- I'm Sorry
- I'm sorry too
- Serbian babies need their bottle
[edit] February 23
- BOOYAH! Obama Makes Strong Showing in Texas Debate
- Bai-Ling Gual Now Believed To Only Speak One Language
- Hello Kitty Cartel bombs a School Bus
- Microsoft promises to feign interoperability better
- Nation of Islam declares jihad
[edit] February 24
- Confederate WoD Discovered in Georgia
- First Sharia children’s court set up in London
- Nader to run for U.S. President pledging to finally destroy America for good
- Rice to Serbians: This is madness!
- UnNews Sunday Magazine, February 24, 2008
[edit] February 25
- "I Fail to See What is SO Fascinating about a Lunar Eclipse, now a Mitsubishi Eclipse..."
- Horrible Trail of Destruction in Elmo's wake
- Nader decides to spoil the elections again
- Non-Americans still baffled by Primary system
- Oh Hell Nah!
- Sesame Street Elmo goes insane, threatens to murder toddler
[edit] February 26
- 2 Cherries Spontaneously Popped at Annual Virginity Ball
- Barack Obama in Kiss 'n' Tell Shocker
- Finding: Hip-Hop largely Homosexual
- Kissing ass pays off big for Javier Bardem
- Outrage as pupils in school are told to "spin around until their heads fall off"
- Photo of Clinton wearing a burqa creates a stir
- Tilda Swinton takes red carpet by storm at 80th Annual Academy Awards
- Virus Attacks Cruise Ship
[edit] February 27
- "Don't Tell Anybody" - Federal Bureau of Narcotics
- AC/DC fan admits best AC/DC song is actually by The Casanovas
- Anti-depressants have opposite effect
- Coke Storm Blankets Northeast
- Yet more chaos and panic as England struck by massive earthquake
[edit] February 28
- 100 millionth iPod sold
- Clinton Gets Menopausal on Campaign Trail
- Fed Loosens Noose
- Marks&Spencer joins UnNews's campaign to banish old bags from its stores
- Teachers suspend kindergarten student for having "dangerously pointy" mohawk
- UnNews study reveals that media has no pro-Obama bias
