UnNews:Archive/January 2008
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[edit] January 1
- Americans invade 2008
- Riots erupt after AE was nominated NoTM
- Ron Paul is disliked by ABC and Fox News
- World Celebrates some sort of event
[edit] January 2
- Australian bureaucrats reaping covert fellative bonuses
- F**kwit UK chief constable calls for aspirin 'to be criminalised'
- U.K. Home Office unveils the new Niqāb
[edit] January 3
- Amy Winehouse says a legible sentence without singing it
- Finally Bowing to Increasing Pressure, 50s Cafe Changes Seating, Hiring Policies
- Scientists figure out Nature causes Global Warming
[edit] January 4
[edit] January 5
- "New Years" Resolution Voted Down
- Oklahoma City bans food
- Pope praises Jamie Lynn Spears for not using birth control
- Romney wins stunning upset in Wyoming caucuses
- Something happens, maybe... outlook hazy at best
- UnNews Sunday Magazine, January 6, 2008
- Word up! Barack Obama elected president!
[edit] January 6
[edit] January 7
- A good strong talking to solves Middle East problems.
- Bigger than Sliced Bread?
- For they cried "Shoot Yu Fuk up"
- Global Warming revives baby mammoth-sicle
- ICC Enforces New Rules
- Ron Paul articles banned from Uncyclopedia
[edit] January 8
- Bush expected as Redeemer in the Holy Land
- Driverless Cars 'Not Quite Ready Yet'
- Harbhajan Singh racially abuses clown
- Hillary Clinton "just a happy housewife" inside
- Madeleine the movie: McCanns in talks with Disney
- Orginal X-Box was the Weapons of mass destruction
- Romney Denies Secret Hillary Deal
[edit] January 9
- CNN wins New Hampshire Primary, narrowly beating Fox News
- Hampster Injured in horrific Formula Floor accident.
- Nickelodeon no longer a kids' network
- Parents protest against school's decision to serve curried yak to children
- US releases Iran terror duck video
[edit] January 10
[edit] January 11
- A Divine Secret of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood: (Uncensored Version)
- Tata introduces the world's cheapest car
[edit] January 12
[edit] January 13
- American army to respond to encounter with Iranian ship by bombing Iran with Arabic-English dictionaries
- Lecturer bans students from using "paper" and "pens"
- Reporters Without Borders voice concerns
- UnNews Sunday Magazine, January 13, 2008
[edit] January 14
- 'So, are you wearing any panties today?' And other questions you CAN'T ask job applicants any more
- Madeleine detectives "Maddie was abducted by time travelling pirate gypsies"
- Oxford Mosque's plan to behead thieves and adulterers 'just not on!'
[edit] January 15
- Uncyclopedia Internal Security Department warns on Malaysia
- Uncyclopedia cabinet tightens visa policy for all Malaysian government workers from the Department of Homeland Security
[edit] January 16
- EMI strikes new blow against piracy, common sense, self
- French carmaker Citroën expands advertising team
[edit] January 17
- Immigrants now "taking most of the air we breath"
- Pope Mr Benedict Ratzinger XVI goes head to head with the Malaysian government
[edit] January 18
- 151 escape death as Aeroflot lands successfully at Heathrow
- God found dead at age 4,920,439,873 years
- Thai police hunt Khun Gort
- Uncyclopedia Celebrates 23,000th 23,000th Article
- Virgin Shark gives birth to Aquatic Messiah
[edit] January 19
- Iraq WMD's finally located - interrogee confesses, Lassie Hurt
- Serial killer known as "Internet" now caught thanks to victim's brother's hint, trial to be held
- Tony Greig announces release of limited-edition Shane Warne "Red Wings" souvenir
- UnNews Sunday Magazine, January 20, 2008
[edit] January 20
[edit] January 21
[edit] January 22
- Chronic drug abuser Heath Ledger dies
- Heath Ledger rejected from 27 Club
- New Maddie suspect may be part of "four man" gang!
- So called "British test" allowing in 15 foreigners a second!
[edit] January 23
- Heath Ledger's death might've been publicity stunt, police suspects
- The Joker found dead
- UnNews moves to reassure readers after spate of "linked" "Suicides"
[edit] January 24
- Bond films to address failings of Newtonian mechanics
- Brokeback Mountain star found alive
- Rogue market trader "causes global market crash"
[edit] January 25
[edit] January 26
- Breathing may lead to cancer
- Tearful Hillary Clinton loses Miss South Carolina pageant
- UnNews Sunday Magazine, January 27, 2008
- United States government to give $50 billion to India and China "to save time"
[edit] January 27
- Giuliani revamps strategy to focus just on Miami-Dade County
- Steve Kernahan named Australian of the Year
- UnNews creates table-top particle accelerator, sends correspondents into the past
- Uncyclopedia writers strike enters fourteenth week
[edit] January 28
- AIDS "support" group leads to outrage; dead Africans
- Cambridge grants Chav entry thanks to McQualifications
- Murder suspects released after informing police they have wrong men
- The Tooth Fairy Comes out of the Closet
[edit] January 29
- End of the world postponed once again
- Inventor of death dies
- Mexican delegation sent to Gaza for border-crossing study
- Stock market crashes; things looking up
[edit] January 30
- England prepares for chaos and panic as snow predicted
- Giuliani declares victory in Florida despite huge loss
- State of the Union Address affected by Writers' strike
- Super Bowl XLII cancelled!
