UnNews:Archive/July 2007
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[edit] July 1
- Cause of Global Warming found - ITS AL GORE
- Lynching occurs at Glasgow Airport
- New York restaurants cut fat ahead of schedule
- UK pub smoking ban going as smoothly as might be expected
[edit] July 2
- Paris Hilton is actually a genius
- Scots, Unscathed by IRA, Learn to Live With Penis on My Head
- Study:Outdoor baths cure for impotence in senior citizens
[edit] July 3
- 50 Cent shot again, still no deaths.
- CNN's Nancy Grace pregnant with Spawn of Satan
- Poor planning ruins Rapture
- Putin and Bush patches up their relation on a date in Maine
- UK public "unconvinced' over weather
[edit] July 4
- America, others, not real democracies
- Apple iPhone not actually able to make calls
- Bush announces strategy shift for War on Terror: U.S. to bomb all hospitals and medical schools
- McCanns to unveil entertainment extravaganza
- Survey: The Sexiest Children's Television Stars
[edit] July 5
- 6-year-old boy receives $20,000 in government subsidies for insect torture research
- Man sits at home playing Warcraft III, gets all the hot women
- Osama bin Laden teams with Universal Studios for Terror Stunt Spectacular!
- Pet turtle runs away, child heartbroken; investigators actively seeking missing reptile
- Sochi announced as 2014 Winter Olymics host, many confused
- Street star lands ITV chat / gay porn show
[edit] July 6
- Australia in Iraq for the free beer, admits Minister
- Fiber One shortages spur massive nationwide riots
- Libby pardon denies nations felons chance at Cheney's bitch
- Sucka M.C.s found murdered, most Rappers suspected
- The cancellation of Scooter Libby's prison term is cancelled by Dick Cheney, Libby sent back to jail in hysterics.
- Toddler snatched by Oakland Raiders
[edit] July 7
- 13,889th suicide bomber reaches Paradise, but Allah runs out of virgins
- African and Asian countries offer aid to help victims of UK Floods
- Bookie Gored by bad bet
- Channel 4 celebrates July 7th anniversary with "100 Greatest Terrorist Attacks"
- Global warming hoax revealed
- Hitting children found to have positive effects on brain development
- World ends
[edit] July 8
- Bush pronounces "nuclear" correctly, approval rating skyrockets
- Half-Squid Half-Octopus found off Hawaii, Japan bombs for more sushi
- Man eats his own head
- Spanish mining explosives kill 41
- WRPI Succeeds from Albany Radio Dial
[edit] July 9
- "Flatulent" Fumes Kill On Camping Trip
- Antidepressant study causes depression
- Man attempts suicide in order to win bet
- Wi-Fi takes over Campgrounds
- Will Young ravished by gorilla
- Wood cut-out sold for $58,000
[edit] July 10
- Activist treed by “fund-raising” deed: naked may be the better disguise, after all
- Avril Lavigne rejects copy claim
- Final Harry Potter book reportedly based on Sopranos finale
- Man dies after having sex with his gun
- New TV trend: cannibalism
- New York City Promotes Wee consumption
- Soundwave joins UnNews’s quest for world domination
- You've got a little something on your face
[edit] July 11
- Global warming an act of God, not man, religious leaders say
- Iraq - US study shows Feng Shui a Success
- Study questions existence of the Sun
- “Kindergarten” Scissors cut down Crime
[edit] July 12
- Badgers Badgers Badgers
- FBI finds suspicious passenger on airplane, blows it up
- Jessica Alba lusts after naked men
- Lady Bird biography "unkind"
- Queen in a huff at photographer for raunchy request
- Tintin Book in "Racism Row"
- Wikipe-tan's Attack
[edit] July 13
- Americans not fooled by Michael Moore's socialist propaganda
- Homeland Security administration declares new "Gut Feeling" threat level
- Lisa Simpson a suspect in bizarre double-homicide
- Sacred Bull bites back
- Tintin accused of racism
[edit] July 14
- Man Microwaves Pinky, Sues
- Man eaten by lion in Kenya after watching cartoon
- Venus de Milo gets arm transplant
[edit] July 15
- 14 Tesco stores forced to close in bomb scare
- Beckham arrives and nobody cares
- Cat saved from tree
- Dick Cheney Wipes Ass with Constitution
- Iraqi PM tells Americans they don't have to go home, but they can't stay here!
- Reporter Confesses, "I May Have Stretched the Facts"
[edit] July 16
- Chinese manufacturers substitute glycerine for antifreeze
- Howard cancels city-wide shutdown; imminent strike may shut down city
- Israeli frisbee lands in Gaza Strip
- Japenese children under the age of 8 smarter than average American college student
- Socceroos lose to Iraq in 'Asian' cup
- USA comes to a standstill as Dafyd Beckshat arrives
- UnNews Sunday Magazine
[edit] July 17
- Bush deploys clone army to Iraq
- Can Potter help find missing Maddie?
- Facial paralysis treatment hailed
- Mothra looking forward to retirement
- North Korea shuts down key cookie factory
- UK pupil loses right to wear suit of armour
[edit] July 18
- Al-Qaeda 'go between' killed in Iraq
- Bill Gates criticized over name change
- Emperor of Colorado assassinated
- For Dummies author earns PhD
- Mass "Flatulance Festival" Causes Poison Cloud Over Ukraine
- NFL Star Sucks -- Indicted
- NFL player indicted for dogfighting
[edit] July 19
- Ebay to give away millions
- French Pen Pal disgusted after receiving third letter about the New York Yankees
- Hermione Kills Harry to Destroy Voldemort
- President Bush demonstrates how much he cares about food safety
- Testosterone-fuelled Vehicles Linked to Aggressive Driving
- UK Home secretary: "I Smoke Heroin"
[edit] July 20
- Bush - 'Literacy my number one priority
- Cheney to Nuke Iran Between 9 and 11 AM Saturday
- Glacial Shrinkage to be Photographed
- Nuke lab makes top-secret info available to janitorial staff
- U.K. schoolgirl loses ‘virginity’ court battle; Lydia Playfoot says she should be exempt from school ban on virgins
- World Gears Up For "Harry Potter & The Load Of Ropey Old Bollocks"
[edit] July 21
- BBC Lets Down Viewers Again in Free Giveaway
- J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8!
- Old Man to Rise Again
- Yankees get asses handed to them
[edit] July 22
- Bush Brain Surgery
- Computer Cheats at Checkers
- First Person Dies from Funny Overload Since the 80’s
- Harry Potter "adult edition" ending confuses pre-teens
- Transcript - UnNews interview with OJ Simpson
[edit] July 23
- Israel deploys the latest in its arsenal - giant inflated Jews
- Man granted immortality speaks out: "Life's a bitch"
- Misfired Nuke
- Scuba Football League tryouts
- Terrorist cells found organizing in President's colon
[edit] July 24
- "Fiddy" Cent in "redneck" row
- "WWJD?" leads to unfortunate end for local layabout
- Bulgarian war criminal pardonned
- Celebrities brew up a storm (but is it a tempest in a teacup?)
- Entertainment media open luxury rehab center for "falling stars"
- Flaming flatulence rocks military
- Shambo the Sacred Bull must Perform, Court Rules
- US Presidential Candidates Hold YouTube Debate
[edit] July 25
- Bush declares war on terradactyls
- Disney bans smoking
- Notorious vampire Vinokourov expelled from Tour de France
[edit] July 26
- Finished Burj Dubai rumored to be taller than Xbox
- Guy falls asleep at his desk, has trouble waking up
- Man dies after "sting" reaction
- Many 'believe myths' on epilepsy
- Rasmussen: "I didn't know weed was forbidden as well."
- Revelations about Panda Genetics
- UK floods turn out to be advertisement for "Evan Almighty"
[edit] July 27
- Bum sex text gave alcoholic astronauts away
- Guns wreak havoc at Parkinson’s disease fundraiser
- Michael Vick secretly training canine linebackers
- Necrophilia okay in Wisconsin
- Stolen Swimming Pool
- Summer Travel Guide
[edit] July 28
[edit] July 29
- "The Unexpected" hits family
- "Zip disk" angry at Floppy and others for faze out
- Cheney gets a battery change
- Cruise ship passengers speaking French and dressing stupidly may have Legionnaires
- Kissinger Suffers Heart Ailment
- Soccer victory proves Iraq strategy is working, says Bush
- Wikipedia "reached completion", site founder says
[edit] July 30
- Black Barbie "Unveiled"
- Defenseless Hummer viciously attacked by Eco-Nazis
- High court orders woman to "get a sense of humor"
- Internet service provider too "creative"?
- Woman Gives Birth to Weasel
- Yahoo! caught making up news
