UnNews:Archive/July 2008
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[edit] July 1
- Britney house-hunting for bigger trailer
- Chess piece makers oppose the creation of female bishops
- Elmo, Barney Contestants on Jeopardy
- Exxon Mobil Reveals: 'Black Gold' Not Really Gold
- Phoenix Lander discovers ice on Mars
- Super Algae Plans to Take Over the World
- Your Mom is Good in Bed
[edit] July 2
- Apartments served with all you can salad dressing
- China is 'Too Communist for Olympics'
- Impromptu Thunderdome erupts at Florida gas station
- Jesus turns on rapture
- Microsoft buys 14-year-old student's Flash game
- UnNews Unreliable Source?
[edit] July 3
- Lack of crack may explain Peru Superman mystery
- Obama, McCain to Participate in Deathmatch for Presidency
- Quantum physicists discover magic; J.K. Rowling demands royalties
- Video game characters are to blame for rising oil prices, New war on the horizon
- Wii Remotes Begin To Rape Children
[edit] July 4
- 4th of July celebrates birth of Chris Hansen
- Air France takes attempt on 'Aetropolics'
- Direct China-Taiwan fights begin
- Farmers seek advice on "culling pikeys and gypsies"
- Guitar Hero 4 to have 'smashable guitars'
- It's Quiz Time!
- Moron sees Moon for first time
- NAACP denies Newsom/Christian murder 'a hate crime'
- This Article is blank
- Today is my cat's birthday
- Viacom discovers YouTube to be full of piracy, people not amused
[edit] July 5
- Army of Obamas promise change
- Cocaine is Good for the Soul
- Man Successfully Divides By Zero
- Panda inspires fight against Chinese Government censorship
[edit] July 6
- Bumfights
- Bush was right, Saddam did have Yellow Cake
- Congress successfully reduces car fuel efficiency standards
- Extended, continuous cocaine use is good for death
- George W. Bush and Japanese Prime Minister invent a new secret hand-shake
- UAE to cancel USA's $9 Trillion Debt
[edit] July 7
- Boisenberry's Inauguration Into New line of Skittles.
- Brown To Britain: If You Don't Eat Your Greens, You Get No Dessert
- Poll shows voters associate words with candidates
[edit] July 8
- A-Rod Not Letting Baseball Get in His Way
- Fed Announces New Lending Plan
- Giambi's mustache to win World Series, 2008 season canceled
- McCain Restarts Campaign
- Nicole labelled 'fit mom'
- Obama Defends Iraq Position
- PETA grows increasingly violent, nukes Euthanasia
- Town council takes 'steps' to tackle crime
[edit] July 9
- Developing and Underdeveloped Nations do not care about the environment
- Francis Winkler get some sick
- Mugabe 'revulsion' at Gordon Brown crisis
- Obama Dismisses Inartful FISA Statements
- Ohio family still recovering from WASP Fourth of July celebrations
[edit] July 10
[edit] July 11
- "We've turned into a nation of whiners" complains Graham
- America seeks return to British rule
- Bathroom Taps go on strike
- Cancer Child Killed in extremely unlikely Trolly Accident.
- Heath Ledger is dead
- Jesse Jackson endorses McCain; Obama's lead skyrockets
- Men Wear Females Bathing Suits for Reasons Unknown
- Mugabe Claims Zimbabwe is 'World's Happiest Country'
- Recent theory proves Atheists don't exist
- Zimbabwe's Mugabe reunites Led Zeppelin, Robert Plant is not invited
[edit] July 12
- 'Kids should be allowed to smoke' says Governor Schwarzenegger
- Crime Rates Amazingly Low, Criminals Encouraged to Break the Law
- Modern slavery uncovered in Manchester
[edit] July 13
[edit] July 14
- Day of No New News falls just short
- Governments of the world declare "All You Need Is Love"
- Santa's elves on strike this year, naughty and nice list shortened
- Stork indignant over sexual reproduction theory
- Unspecified Monster on rampage just wants love
[edit] July 15
- Attractive American women unable to stand, speak
- Josh Hamilton knocks satellite out of orbit during Home-run Derby 2008
- Local band writes song critical of President Bush
- Pope not welcome at Catholic festival
[edit] July 16
- 'Worlds Greatest Dad" charged with selling tot for a six pack
- Aliens Abduct President Bush!
- Body of Christ abducted from church
- Carbon Friendly Cable Channel to Launch
- Kitten returns from summer holiday
- Nuking poppy fields "only option" in war against oil ownership
- Obama keeps Troops in Iraq: Dems happy
- Obama keeps Troops in Iraq: Dems happy.
[edit] July 17
- "The Carrots of Wrath" discovered.
- Curious George Kills Creator
- Dow Falls Below 11,000 on Bearish Reports from Drug Dealers
- Iranian missile test photo 'digitally altered'
- Kennedy has been shot
- New Sexual Education Game Aimed at Children
- Pope hits out at consumer culture, prefers time when Church owned everything
[edit] July 18
- Dali Llama appeals for calm in George Bush slur row
- Global warming is real
- John Travolta in yet another mishap, Cigar Awards correspondent reports
- Litter attacks mob cops
- North Korea's "Hotel of Doom" wakes from its coma
- Parents' fury as underground volcano base is secretly opened yards from children's playground
- Pope concerned about spherical earth
- Pope shown to be fraud in Sydney
[edit] July 19
- "Space Chimps" breaks box office record
- "Space Chimps" breaks box office record.
- Area Man Claims To Be The Most Elite Elitist Ever
- Company that packs transistors onto tiny chips pledges to pack more transistors into same size chips
- George W. Bush is Batman
[edit] July 20
- Guy Writes Terrible Fan Fiction Story
- Japanese Horror Movies Revert Japan To Stone Age
- Kangaroo rescues Dog from Woman
- My cheating wife pays
- No One Understands Local Teen
- SimCity 2000 re-released
[edit] July 21
- "Explosive" new book set to kill millions
- Ask A Man Being Attacked By A Mob
- Chuck Norris makes deal with AT&T to 'Crush the Competition'
- Duke Nukem Forever Celebration delayed again
- Lemonade Stand Suffers in Economic Drop
- Ugly Child Abducted, Quickly Returned
[edit] July 22
- After seven years of war on terror, Americans kill a terrorist
- Al Qaeda meeting uncovered in online multiplayer game
- Exclusive -- Is "Space Chimps" too dark for kids?
- Golden Girls Star Dies, No One Is Surprised
- Inventor of Hyperbole dead at age 12,957
- Sex Ed Classes to be Given to Toddlers
[edit] July 23
- Fresh air hits Beijing - thousands collapse
- Serial killer "commited murder on an empty stomach"
- Shampoo is better
- You're On Fire
[edit] July 24
- Gordon Brown haunted by past relationships
- Penguins Die From Too Much Intelligence
- School Counselor Almost Actually Accomplishes Something
- Wall Street Got Drunk!
[edit] July 25
- Man Bites Clam...Clam Eats Man
- Rising oil prices due to lack of demand, argues oil companies
- William Wallace Wins Glasgow East
[edit] July 26
[edit] July 27
- Lobbyists Propose Controversial Change To No Child Left Behind
- McCain's jowls revealed to contain french fries
- Miley Cyrus sneezes
- Pastor is sentenced to life in prison for praying
- Taco Bell Renamed Taco Hell for 'Poor Food'
- YouTube sued by Google, YouTube says "WTF?!"
[edit] July 28
- Man Attempts to Marry Cardboard Cut out of Obama
- User writes random UnNews article in order to promote obscure articles
[edit] July 29
- Absolutely Nothing Happens
- Barack Obama stole my bike
- Brutal shark attack in Wyoming
- McCain Throws Tantrum
- UN calls for Olympic Peace
- Your girlfriend: "You will have to sit through bad movie"
[edit] July 30
- Apple purchases exclusive rights to lowercase "I"
- Dog to run for mayor of Alabama town, despite mudslinging
- EvenBalance and EA Games release new anti-cheat system, PunkWaster
- Man forgets 9-11
- Only good press on Olympics to be allowed
- Parents Tell Child They Were Disappointed in Her; Charges of Severe Emotional Abuse Pressed
- Pun Intended
- Random arab discovers oil
- Toilets refuse to take any more shit
