UnNews:Archive/June 2007
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[edit] June 1
- "Here comes the aeroplane" baby-feeding technique made illegal by Congress
- 13 year old wins spelling bee; guarantees life of virginity
- Bush proposes goal to reduce Carbon Monoxide from flatulence
- Drivers face 120mph speed limit
- Hugo Chavez to come out with his own PC
- Kevorkian out of jail, faces clamoring demand for his "services"
- Mr. Bean almost decapitated; saved by lawnmower riders
- Uncyclopedia feels left out by recent online scandals
- Wikipoodia goes down the pan?
[edit] June 2
- Barney the Dinosaur aquitted of murder!
- Hawking: "We were wrong about everything" Interview exclusive.
- Hollywood experiments with "mindless movies"
- The Big Dono Show turns out to be UFO Spectacle
[edit] June 3
- Charles Nelson Reilly dies at 76
- Supreme Court justice redesigns robe
- Typhoid Marry! TB Carrier and Wife's First Kiss
[edit] June 4
- Billy Donovan concedes election, then retracts concession
- Dipsy mysteriously dissapears after accusation of Tinky Winky's murder
- Emos the world over voyage to Swiss death clinics
- Geology classes in Alabama now mandating alternative "Paul Bunyan" theory
- More UK "Jihadists" needed, says Blair
[edit] June 5
- Aesthetic fears over Olympic logo
- British academic boycott targeted "to thwart colonialism"
- Call for a national 'Kick out Johnny Foreigner day'
- Dracula returns to life, nobody cares
- Man imprisoned for saying "maybe those Arabs have a point"
- Nerds take to the skies
- New York scraps ground zero plan, opts to rebuild Radio Row
[edit] June 6
- Attempted popejacking foiled
- Police find 'Werewolf' link to violence
- Slow News Day angers activists
- Slow news day forces publication of story about supernatural beings in Brighton
- Slow news day led to spike in Bush approval rating
- Slow news day results in bizarre death
- U.S. soldiers give AIDS infected harlots to Iraqi insurgents as a false peace offering
[edit] June 7
- Big Brother contestant put to death for witchcraft
- Channel 4: Wanking will be shown
- Editorial - Government: "You can't get high"
- Hundreds watch public execution, great time had by all
- Paris declared "cruel and unusual punishment"
- UnNews article nominates itself for highlight
[edit] June 8
- 2012 Olympics logo really getting through to the young people
- Bashing your head against a brick wall discovered to have hallucinogenic effects
- Highway man gets wheelchair ride
- Paris Hilton Released Using "Get Out of Jail Free" Card
- Paris Hilton takes up finger painting
- Tom Mayfair is Pregnant
[edit] June 9
- Botanic "Brain Chemistry"
- Christianity hoax exposed; bogus belief system baffles western civilization for 2,000 years
- England steadies itself for public drinking ban
- Ex-fire chief doesn't like being butt of successor's "joke"
- George Bush meets Pope Benedict for the first time
- Ginger family to be executed
[edit] June 10
- Coca-Cola recycles its beverage "base"
- George Bush Declares War On Terry
- Jesus Crikey! 5000 Australians flee flooding
[edit] June 11
- Aliens demand apology from Church
- Church "up in arms" Over Sonic the Hedgehog Games
- Dyslexic Fundamentalists launch Croation Museum
- Entire world pissed off by Sopranos finale
- Mark Twain's "A sweltering day in Australia" decoded
- Travelers boycott Hilton
- Zombies Attack US President
[edit] June 12
- Ahmadinejad steals Bush's watch
- Ash Ketchum asks Bill Bruford Not For a Battle, But For a Xiaolin Showdown
- Award for Dutch Entertainment Industries Watchdog
- Borg advertise cheese
- Famous person does something
- Google to privacy campaigners: We know where you live
- Makers of American Pie sued for False Advertising
- Paris Hilton Finds "Her Arse and Elbow" In Prison
- TV3
[edit] June 13
- Ahmadinejad Elected President of Israel
- Cheese Addiction Stronger than Heroin
- I'm bored.
- Jesus goes on Resurrection Rampage
- Mad Creation Scientist Prays for Giant Robot
- Roger Ebert gives flipbook two out of four stars
- U.S. military attempted to build "Gay Bomb"
- UK Paedophiles face 'Stern talking to'
- Wikia buys the moon, displays highlights on surface
[edit] June 14
- America moves to execute porn stars
- Cleveland Cavaliers 'Give Up'
- Cosmonauts Install Windows on Space Station; Inevitable Happens
- Cutty Sark Arsonist was Escaped Dutch Privateer
- Dutch Masterpiece Stolen: Police Baffled
- Jesus Christ Busts Paris Out of Jail
- Missing Maddie's parents to record duet with Bono
- Police Hunt Salmon Attackers
- TV's "Boston Legal" to merge with "Night Court"
- US Town Set To "ban long skirts"
- You Have Been Ownzored
[edit] June 15
- Former Australian President Kurt Waldheim dies
- Hamas embarrased to find it invaded wrong country
- Judge Sues Over Lost Toothpaste Cap
- Mad Scientist/Procrastinator 'Totally Gonna Finish That Death Ray Soon'
- Men suffer from phantom pregnancy
- Squirrel army invades Germany
[edit] June 16
- Barney the Dinosaur found dead in an old alley
- Butts Irritated by Lack of Toilet Paper, Turns the Other Cheek to Theft
- Florida flooded by global warming, Sea World ironically left above water
- Immigration Officers Raid US Senate; Legislative Branch Denies Wrongdoing
- Judge Orders man to become a nerd
- Public Radio Stations to Drop Radio Service
- War-Weary Iraq Apathetic to US Troop Surge: “Are- are they in yet...?”
- Water is getting wetter
[edit] June 17
- Chinese "overjoyed" to be learning about capitalism
- Non-Huffability is no longer genetic, and is contagious among cats!!!
- Rain falls on United Kingdom
- Uncyclopedia releases version 0.5 on DVD
[edit] June 18
- Cyber-Terrorists Attack Unnews
- Cyber-terrorists attack UnNews
- Paris Hilton to run for Pope
- Rob Zombie:"Halloween will be rated G"
[edit] June 19
- Censors ban 'Crap' video game
- Host of NBC's "To Catch a Predator" arrested for attempted rape of a minor
- PacMan Wanted In Connection To Shooting
- Procrastinators Unite Today; Shirt Enthusiasts Enraged
- Spaceman from beyond the future visits UN
- UnNews rises from grave, further miracles forecast
- Uncyclopedia is better than Wikipedia
- White House claims cyberterrorists attacked its e-mail servers
[edit] June 20
- British Police team up with MySpace.com for new Profiling Database
- Bush tells Truth - treated for shock
- Man Finds Own Foot in Buffet
- Pakistani protesters burn effigy of themselves.
- Take-over bid described as "farcical".
- Your grandma might be Al-Qaeda
[edit] June 21
- Beatings and riots aim to improve drivers' ability to not run over Black children.
- Ex-fire chief objects to being butt of successor's "joke"
- Israel brokers peace between Hamas and Fatah
- Man misses flight
- Paris Hilton adopts finger painting
- The Stock Market Crashed
- Travelers boycott Hilton Hotel chain
- Universe ends: God blames Microsoft while NBC sues.
[edit] June 22
- Dodgeball tragedy: 16 people 'out'
- Former Cambodian Dictator Paul Pot wins Britain’s Got Talent
- Kittens kill Huffing Activists
- Navy man jailed for rape of war ship is Freed
[edit] June 23
- Housing demand rockets... but what will they use them for?
- Paris Hilton Meets God In Jail
- Superman loses endorsements over foot fetish scandal
[edit] June 24
- Labour must have soul, says Brown
- Russia's communist resistance sends bear army to retake Romania, four US tourists left dead
- Team Rocket Captures Pikachu, Ash Commits Suicide
- To cut back on sexual behavior, local preschool bans all interaction between students
[edit] June 25
- "I'm purer than you!" yells schoolgirl
- Louisiana jails overflow after town bans saggy pants
- Most Britons admit to committing acts of War
[edit] June 26
- "Chemical Ali" sentenced to death; sons vow revenge, anger, denial, celibacy and all those good stuff
- Kennedy declares candidacy for '08
- Prophet strikes, Heaven grinds to halt
- Uncyclopedian robbed, Keith Moon suspected
- World cowers in horror at Paris's return
[edit] June 27
- Dissolute border collie has no boundaries
- Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse arrive, deterred by woman with cake
- Gordon Brown wets self. Queen not amused.
- Laughter at Hitler's funeral: Hundreds see Adolf off
- Man found dead in theatre showing G-rated movie
- Scientists at Haliburton Science Institute Prove Global Warming is Untrue
- Supreme Court: "Students too stupid to know what they are saying."
- Yoda wins "Ugliest Dog Contest"
[edit] June 28
- A dog saves a failing Kansas school from shutting its doors
- All Hell Breaks Loose at Ash's Funeral
- Conflict in Darfur continues; nobody cares
- Fashion Industry Honors Claiborne
- No water to throw aboriginal children in
[edit] June 29
- Car bomb in Reichstag, London
- Chris Benoit wins home match against his family
- Crack cocaine cures cancer
- Dick Cheney eats the Prime Minister Tony Blair
- Iranians somehow lacking oil
