UnNews:Archive/March 2008
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
[edit] March 1
- New game in Burnout series causes gamers to crash into everything
- Oh Jesus, the robots are coming to kill us all
- Sub-Prime Rib served to FLA home owner
[edit] March 2
- "Je ne sais pas", admits Frenchman
- Campaign of cliches coming to an end
- Clinton: If Ohio were any tighter, I'd have married it
- Medvedev feigns surprise after election victory in Russia
- Olipro is wearing a thong, offers $10,000 to anyone who can guess what color it is
- States Of The Mid-West United States Recede
- UnNews Sunday Magazine, March 2, 2008
[edit] March 3
- "Hungry Hungry Hippos" celebrates anniversary
- Attention-grabbing news item causing blackouts, addictions
- Next Saw film to include a goatse-trap
- Troops to present themselves as more lucrative shot to protect Prince Harry's return to Afghanistan
- Venezuelan president Chavez sends soldiers to Colombian border
[edit] March 4
- Clinton argues that, unlike Obama, she would be fully dressed at 3 AM
- Pope gets new hat
- Prince Harry finally destroys Elmo's secret mountain hideaway
- UnNews writer writes story to change frontpage image
- Uncyclopedia founder uses site to dump lover
- Unnews declares Ohio too tight to call
[edit] March 5
- Clinton calls on Obama to drop out despite his 92 delegate lead
- Forrest Gump runs for President in 2008
- Gary Gygax fails critical CON roll
- Gummy Bear with head bitten off to run for U.S. President
- Having already decided results of 2008 elections, U.S. media moves on to predicting 2012 results
- Jimbo Wales accused of abusing his power at Wikipedia
- Ohio Voters Swayed by Clinton's Experience
- Ratzinger returns to first pro team
- Why 1950s wives gave great fellatio
[edit] March 6
- FDA declares Mad Cool disease an epidemic
- Nice breaths sigh of relief as notorious gangster charged
- Unripe Bananas Declared Class A Drug
[edit] March 7
[edit] March 8
- Bush disappointed South America no longer on brink of war
- Satan joins Clinton campaign in Wyoming
- Second Invasion of Vietnam foiled by common sense
- US work places to introduce "nap time"
[edit] March 9
- Barack Obama scores big win in Spanish Primary
- Local weatherman orgasmic during midwest mini-blizzard
- Local weatherwoman feared missing during midwest mini-blizzard discovered under desk of local weatherman
- Vacuum cleaner replaces bald eagle as official American animal
- Weather Channel officials sue Al Gore for being more interesting than they are
[edit] March 10
- Fucking children inexplicably fails to make new Catholic sin list
- New York governor linked to prostitution, approval rating skyrockets
- The real problem with the USA figured out, it was really something in the water!
[edit] March 11
- Brit "Singing sensation" Leona Lewis breaks down after being told her songs are "bland, middle of the road crap" by poor African woman
- IPhone Escapes Burning Building Unharmed
- Spitzer prostitution scandal overshadowed by theft of man's KFC
[edit] March 12
- Admiral William Fallon bails from Iraq quagmire
- Daytime TV "plumbs new depths" as TV presenter "pleasures herself" with sex toys whilst on air
- Massive stadium brawl breaks out over contemporary solipsist philosophy
- Testes relief balls
[edit] March 13
- Kenyans ill in 'toxic flatulence' leak
- Study reveals 1 in 4 teen girls has an STD; America congratulates teen boys on sexual exploits
[edit] March 14
[edit] March 15
[edit] March 16
- Cows to inherit the world
- Ernest goes back to jail for remake
- Hannah Monatana Unmasked as Russian Spy
- J.P. Morgan CEO goes hunting, world's most expensive bear gets killed
[edit] March 17
- 3/16 truth movement sprouts up on internet
- Lehman Brothers buys Luna real estate, doubles book value
- White people criticize black pastor Wright for being resentful towards America
[edit] March 18
- Fed cuts rates 1/86 percentage point; People still broke
- Inmate handler at Guantanamo Bay misinterpeted manual amid controversy
- World United Society Serving Introverts heckled during loudmouth rally
[edit] March 19
- Bush not sure if Iraq war was worth it
- Government to distribute chocolate chip cookies to Americans in "stimulus package"
- Two Public Figures Arrested for Multiple Offenses
[edit] March 20
[edit] March 21
- Distracting version of 'The Importance of Being Ernest' cancelled after first night
- Obama criticized after controversial statements by his former taxi driver
- Senator Obama linked to dealing with local Grue
[edit] March 22
- Family Guy to play controversial episode starring Hilary Clinton this Sunday, Micheal Jackson is not impressed
- Obama adviser likens Clinton tactics to McCarthy, is promptly accused of Communism
[edit] March 23
- Battle breaks out in preschool over the color of the Easter bunny's fur
- William Shatner declairs Hilary Clinton a Bitch
[edit] March 24
- Hawks slaughter Demons in front of 2 million people
- The election is finally over! Ron Paul disposes of other candidates in ironic ways, elects self president of America. Keen work, Ron!
- Treacherous lies and slander from the Ron Paul base! Fear not, America is not yet dead, for a brave new silver knight will come forth in a flourish of Angels to save us from these desperate times! Hark, of course I refer to the one and only Mike Gravel!
[edit] March 25
- Barry Gibb Destroys Louvre Pyramid
- China locks down Tibetan Sichuan province over duck famine
- Clinton shot over Bosnia claim
- Hillary Clinton: "I've got 35 years of experience fighting bears"
- Male ego reaches all time high, females counted in average penis size
- NASA rover squandering money on Mars
[edit] March 26
- Dick Cheney fails to recruit any hunting buddies in the Middle East
- George Bush Plans Career in Writing Pop-Up Books
- Olympics to take place in Tibetan battle grounds "for an added thrill"
[edit] March 27
- Heathrow Terminal 5 open to failure
- Suicidal babies cause cough medicine to be withdrawn from shelves
- UnNews Sues United Nations
[edit] March 28
- Ah shit, I forgot what I was going to write about
- Row as university is given £82,000 taxpayer grant to study the 'experiences of Irish leprechauns in London'
- Schwarzenegger, Baio become first pregnant men
- Smiles All Round as Goth Dies
- The Nanobug™ Continues to Spread
[edit] March 29
[edit] March 30
- "Googling" Could Replace 4 Years Of Med School
- Bush Erects 700 Mile Fence To Keep Americans From Leaving
- Man wins award for "Best Suicide Of The Year"
- North Korea Now Regrets Testing Solitary Nuke
- Uncyclopedia hits milestone of ten billion articles
