UnNews:Archive/May 2006

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[edit] May 1

• 5 lawmakers arrested for drawing attention to humiliating human rights disaster
• Rebels Reject Darfur Peace Deal; Sudanese Empire Threatens With Death Starve

[edit] May 2

• Bishop of York in 'Scally', Substance Seizure Shock
• Expansion of “No Child Left Behind” Act; Also Creates New Source of Clean Fuel
• Millions of Immigrants Celebrate New Month's
• Scholars Discover 19th Century Erotic Fanfic
• Stavros Niarchos Checks Out Of Paris Hilton Hotel

[edit] May 3

• Armenian plane successfully completes flight
• NYSE Trading Halted in Louis Rukeyser, at 73 & 5/8

[edit] May 4

[edit] May 5

• Aliens attack New Mexico laboratory
• Bush: "We Must Reduce our Dependence on Foreign Sources of Drugs."

[edit] May 6

• Christian Chiropractors will crack for Jesus
• Mexico Declares Seis De Mayo a National Holiday

[edit] May 7

• Iran threatens to invade Nepal
• Local ASPCA puts the Cat in catapult
• Space Pimps Pose Problems for International Space Station

[edit] May 8

• Boris Johnson Named in England World Cup Squad
• Hawaii boats at risk from whales
• Liquid Guinness found on one of Saturn's moons
• Mysterious user leaves content-free news article
• President Bush Acknowledges the Existence of Soccer

[edit] May 9

• Bush Ecstatic To Have New Pen Pal in Iran
• Iran invades Quebec, no one notices
• Iran threatens to invade UnNews
• Peugeot Forced to Terminate Employees at UK Factory
• Scotland threatens to invade Iran
• Uncyclopedia Admin Votes Against Yet Another Quality Article in VFH

[edit] May 10

• New Osama Bin Laden Tape Threatens Terrorist Strike

[edit] May 11

• BNP councillor denies involvement in gay porn film
• John Howard… charged with terrorism offences
• Planet Earth mocks Iran by invading Uranus
• Uncyclopedian Attacked by Savage Wikipedians

[edit] May 12

• Religious far-left object to "Science" Voodoo
• Scientists discover bears that use toilet paper

[edit] May 13

• Moussaoui Granted New Trial
• Uncyclopedia Search not working. Millions despair!!!

[edit] May 14

• Bush to Deploy National Guard at Canadian Border
• Orphans Across the Country Mark a Somber Mother's Day

[edit] May 15

• Bush to Call Royal Guard to Protect Border
• Drought Hits Southern UK
• Stephen Hawkes butt-flavoured dog treats

[edit] May 16

• Cabbie mistaken for Bush at White House press conference
• TV Networks To Cancel "President Bush's Speeches" After This Season

[edit] May 17

• Caligula Announces Plans to Run in 2008
• Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice
• Microsoft To Purchase UnCyclopedia

[edit] May 18

• Volunteers Uncover Precursor to Walkman

[edit] May 19

• Lorry Farms Close

[edit] May 20

• "Fray at Gitmo Bay" Boxing Match Declared A Huge Success
• New Orleans Election To Decide City Flavor: Vanilla or Chocolate

[edit] May 21

[edit] May 22

• Barbaro Walters Emerges From Full Day of Surgery
• Bush Popularity Lower Than Herpes
• Bush orders "Just In Case" strategy for Armageddon

[edit] May 23

• Iraqi WMDs Hidden With Hoffa's Body, Government Claims
• Space Museum removes former Nazi from NASA history

[edit] May 24

• Four Palestinians killed in panty raid
• Jehovah's Witness dies in freak praying accident
• Turkey ablaze at airport
• Turkey's airport roasted
• UN, UnNews to unite

[edit] May 25

• Uncyclopedia infallible, more factual than Brittanica

[edit] May 26

• 2001 Space Odyssey was faked, allege conspiracy theorists
• Buick Indicted for manslaughter

[edit] May 27

• Bush Cancels "Unpatriotic" Memorial Day
• Scientist creates cloaking device, loses it immediately

[edit] May 28

[edit] May 29

• How can UnNews compete?
• Pat Robertson soundly defeats Uncyclopedia at their own game

[edit] May 30

• Pat Robertson applauded by Feminists
• Science and Christianity now in accord

[edit] May 31

• Bin Laden Declared Victor of Hide-and-Seek Contest
• COBE satellite takes Universe' temperature
• FBI turns to "Cold Case" for help finding Hoffa
• Mnemonic device wreaks havoc on Creationist strategy