UnNews:Archive/May 2008
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[edit] May 1
- Christians blast God for carrying out abortions
- God has tightened his "bible belt"
- Keyboards "so dirty they had to be used as toilet seats"
- Lawsuit against province thrown out: Mayor told to fuck off
- One year on: missing banana "still out there"
- Ronald McDonald to be featured on new dollar bill
- Timmy accused of having cooties
[edit] May 2
- 'We're fed up with the ugly prostitutes,' say asylum seekers trying to break OUT of Britain
- Man is sentenced for being assaulted and trying to get away
- PBS facing lawsuit after The Count's televised drunken profanity
[edit] May 3
[edit] May 4
[edit] May 5
- Hillary Clinton drops out, endorses Barack Obama
- May 5 declared 'International kick Josef Fritzl in the ballsack day'
- Nuclear attack could have threatened tea supplies
- Ronaldo "Sorry" and "Ashamed about encounter with 13 year old boys at Chuckie Cheeze
[edit] May 6
[edit] May 7
- Burma wants guns to combat Cyclone
- England football team "expected to hit cows arse with a banjo" by 2012
- McCain convenes the Dark Conclave in order to create a running-mate.
- Wikipedia Re-Labelled “Pornopedia” By Conservatives
[edit] May 8
[edit] May 9
- Big juggly boobs cope well with global warming
- Hillary Clinton wants votes of a small Greek island counted in Democratic primary
- NATO Declares War on Kangaroos
[edit] May 10
[edit] May 11
- An eulogy for common sense and responsibility
- English alphabet pulls sponsorship of Sesame Street
- Giant pair of tits legislation finally passed after decades of bickering, breasts unveiled
- One-handed typing now mandatory part of school curriculum
[edit] May 12
- Illegal Aliens on run in London
- Mass grave full of archdukes discovered. WWI to recommence
- Middle school teacher fired for wizardry
- Myanmar Sinks Aid Boat
- US Govt. encourages Perverts!
[edit] May 13
[edit] May 14
[edit] May 15
[edit] May 16
- Bill Clinton supports Barack Obama
- Pope to appear in Girls Gone Wild film so Americans will know who he is
[edit] May 17
- Bollywood Starlet keen to have Cyclone named after her
- COCKS embraced: Lawsuit filed against Cedric the Entertainer
- Double Amputee Allowed to Compete in Ass-Kicking Contest
- Mountain Goat Hunting, a Popular New Sport
- Penguin Researcher Demands Antarctica is allowed to compete in the Olympics
- Report: Obama Fathered Two Black Children
[edit] May 18
- Britian's teenage girls told "they can only have so many abortions a month"
- Las Vegas at a las for words
- Polar Bears unveil new stargate
[edit] May 19
- Aftershock from Chinese earthquake knocks over American glass of water in "major tragedy"
- Harry Potter won't go to Iraq, and Ministry of Magic is divided by the decision
- Hilary Clinton to have a cameo in Napoleon Dynamite II: The Search For Joan Rivers' Implants
- Man Enjoys Strip Club, Vows to Return
- Man confuses AIDS and Aides.
- New missing mass theory raises other questions
- Prostitute Union Formed
- Something happens in Primary race
- Spanish Book Recall (They're Made in China)
[edit] May 20
- Abortion Laws Reassessed
- Citizens of Burma allowed to mourn incoming international aid efforts
- Hello Kitty named as Japan's UN ambassador
- House rejects Frank Sinatra Day, supports Phil Hartman Day
- Lack of News Causes Suicide Among Bloggers
- Mad scientists less interesting than previously believed
- News photographer in slapstick related accident
- Raiders of the Lost Ark?
- Sex considered to be 2nd most pleasurable activity
- Tired of Humanity's Shit, God Unleashes Panther 2.0
[edit] May 21
- AIDS is now rated as most wanted by the FBI
- Crazed Gunman Holds Up Helpless Kitties, Cat lovers despair
- ETWN Cancels the Adventures of Jesus, Fans outraged
- Socalist Party Declined in School Election
[edit] May 22
[edit] May 23
- Daily Mail Used to Have a Red Top
- Fountain Of Youth Found!!!
- Government slams ABS
- Scientists Finally Discover how much Wood a Woodchuck Could Chuck if a Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood
[edit] May 24
- Aborted baby Jesus returns to womb
- New punctuation guidlines to make sentences more exciting!!!
- The fifth anniversary of the abolition of the 'froowt' trade
[edit] May 25
- Giant ants outraged by depictions in Indiana Jones film
- Hillary Clinton defends holocaust remark
- NASA: "International Space Station infested with Necromorphs"
- Queen is furious with Phillip's bride
- Raiders drop dead at Blizzcon
- Russia reinstates oil supply after winning song contest
- Second Mitchell Report Outs Cast of ANTM
- Song Contest result spawns new separatism all over Western Europe
[edit] May 26
- Achieving orbit via seismic activity: a new worldwide sport
- Choclate Bar photographed by NASA
- Mother and Daughter Scale Everest, Everest Excited
- Phoenix Lander discovers dirt on Mars
- Report: Racists angry at media portrayal
[edit] May 27
- Chuck Norris on secularism: the single greatest threat that America has ever faced
- Jack Thompson faces murder charges by the Supreme Court
- Windows Vista doesn't work!
[edit] May 28
- 3SG in a respected South East Asian Army reported as gay.
- Global Warming to Cause Drastic Temperature Increase this Summer
- Hedgehogs aren't Roadrunners
- Obama clarifies mistake
- Paedophiles Rejoice Over New Child Database
- Single hetrosexual man looking for love, isn't gay
[edit] May 29
- Gas Prices Expected To Rise Up To $0.07 By The End Of The Summer
- Jesus Christ endorses Obama
- McClellan Release New Book, What you say?
- NHL Playoff audience reaches all-time high of 22 viewers
- US ships to leave Burma; No WMDs found
[edit] May 30
- British holidaymaker wins compensation because his hotel was full of "bloody blacks"
- Bush Launches War on Quakes
- DNC decides to sit Florida's and Michigan's delegates
