UnNews:Archive/November 2006
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[edit] November 1
- Andy Dick to play Master Chief in "Halo" Movie.
- Anonymous user's Uncyclopedia article hampered by production delays
- Bush mistakes military hospital for Halloween haunted house
- Hitler Invades Uncyclopedia IRC
- John Kerry apologizes for being a lousy comedian
- Latest batch of Hitler clones contaminated with Neanderthal DNA
- Maine lobster's girlfriend arrested after dressing him as bin Laden
- NASA to put new wipers on space telescope
- People losing virginity later in life; sex is getting too hard
- Prince Charles: "I say! Pakistan's a bit of a rum show, wot?"
- Scientists discover that colors are the same color all over the world
- Slow News Day Declared
- Wikipedia report: No stupid dogs exist
- Woman accused of improperly packaging hacked-up husband
[edit] November 2
- Australia’s Continent Rights Revoked; Aussies Outraged
- Get yer fishsticks while they're still heayuh!
- I'm Sorry Says Exploding Cleaner
- Kevin Federline album released; already in bargain bin
- Kyrgyz protesters call for vowels
- North Korea, U.S. start talks on IRC
- Recruiters frustrated they can't hire Cheney, Rumsfeld
- Senatorial Candidates forced to “Eat Fresh” at the same Table
- White house sensors scientists
- William Styron, inventor of styronfoam cup, dead at 81
[edit] November 3
- Analyst: War on Fish will end in 50 years
- Bush stops campaigning after realizing upcoming election is not for President
- Democrats admit they love terror
- EU expresses Turkey doubts
- GlaxoSmithKline bummed about Paxil settlement
- Hideously ugly radio host fired for being too polite
- Homosexual escort admits to relationship with evangelical pastor
- Kayne West upset over loss at VFH
- Paris Hilton no longer famous
- Whoopi infects 16 at Boston hospital
[edit] November 4
- Australia shits itself about Fiji coup
- BBC fire DJ for on-air phone sex scandal
- Critics discard Microsoft-Novell agreement as unfunny joke
- Kerry warns youth to avoid foreign wars
[edit] November 5
- Black Hole discovered in Uncyclopedia, causes a rip in QVFD
- Iraq celebrates Saddam Hussein verdict with sectarian violence
- Leader of National Gay Alliance dismissed for heterosexual activity
- Newspaper makes all sections more appealing
- Saddam sentenced to death
- Study shows 69% of data graphs contain sexual innuendo
- Verdict looms in Saddam's trial for murder of Nicole Brown Simpson
[edit] November 6
- Baghdad teens prepare to party
- Black Holes conspiracy thickens: another Black Hole discovered at NOTM paddock
- Chris Behany
- Hussein discouraged by death sentence, still leads in Ohio
- Images disappearing and reappearing rapidly on Uncyclopedia
- Playstation 3 to save humanity from misery, death
- Pope Releases Debut Album
[edit] November 7
- ACLU attacks "Happy Holidays" as divisive
- Confused voter votes for Proposal 2 for Governor, Waffle for House
- Douglas DC8 found in Antartica
- Electronics Is Confusing
- Fires drive orangutans out of homes
- Kevin Federline sentenced for crimes against music.
- Saddam Hussien is found guilty of the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson
- Scientists confirm life dull
- U.S. pi-dollar bill on the rise
[edit] November 8
- America files for divorce from GOP
- Britney divorce filing gives Republicans last-minute boost on election day
- Bush buried under avalanche of ballot papers - rescue workers say hopes not high
- Bush gets pwned
- Chinese "one dog" rule triggers worries of famine
- Democrats Take House, Senate Still Up for Grabs, White House "Secure"
- Democrats Win American Parliamentary Election
- Kentuckistan woman killed by snake in church obviously "sinner"
- Nancy Pelosi to be paid 50 percent less than Dennis Hastert
- Rumsfeld to open boutique war-mongering firm
- Spears, Federline to divorce
- Three Blind Mice in NHS scandal
[edit] November 9
- Foreign objects discovered in brain medicine
- Gay activites of Robert Gates not reported yet
- Kiwi Schools Abandon Spelling
- Left-wing Commie pledges economic stability
- Missouri opens first day-care for troubled adults
- Nominated Secretary of Defense, Gates vows to use Windows for victory in Iraq
[edit] November 10
- Democrats take Senate, Harry Reid is nervous
- Laura Bush jealous of President's lunch date with Nancy Pelosi
- Nazi leader cleared of nazism
- United Nations vote: all religions are entitled to their own state in the middle east
- University of Michigan campus pwned by Proposal 2
- Veganism as environmentally harmful as meat production, scientists prove
[edit] November 11
- Chris Isaak not sure about all this talk about "San Francisco values"
- Downpour hits south of England
- Dyslexic Supreme Court Justice Creates "Right to Arm Bears"
- Freddie Flintoff: "Smoke 'em if you got 'em"
- NASA chief Michael Griffin resigns over handling of Saturn hurricane
- World ends with no major news stories
[edit] November 12
- 'Sturdy Desk' for sale
- Andy Griffith sues himself
- Homosexuality "helps boys read"
- John Constable to be kept in Britain
- Litter a see is on Dee Kline expurtz say
- Police seek prophet in attempted herbicide
- Tiger gives birth to Weaner pigs
[edit] November 13
- Courtney Love successfully replaced with clone
- Israel declares burrito not a sandwich, bombs Syria
- NCEA examinations start at a bad time
- Playstation 3 is second hand junk
- U.S. State Department criticizes religious discrimination in Uzbekistan; we're not shitting you
- Veteran punk rocker laments demolition of club he once trashed
- Village People: "iPod should be banned!"
- Vodafone joins front lines
[edit] November 14
- Cat Steven's new album filled with great tunes, hatred
- God denies causing disaster
- Intel introduces new 1K-core chip
- Milk Carton blamed for assassinations
- Pope: "Scotland is too cold"
- Survey: US evangelicals don't know what the fuck to think anymore
- Toys for Tots exposed as Satan's lapdog
- UnNews to merge with UN News
- Vehicles are charged
[edit] November 15
- Authorities set new policies on trains and trams
- Man kills PC
- Microsoft Zune a billion times better than iPod
- Nut, housing shortage foments squirrel race war
- Texas no longer a state after OU football victory
- The Beautiful Game
- The Muppets take Manhatten
- Unsportsmanlike:Iraq found to be safer than Ohio
[edit] November 16
- Doctor: Business suits are a health risk
- Kevin Federline Arrested for Rape (and murder)
- Killer Tornado Apprehended
- Milton Friedman demands free-market afterlife
- Neanderthal Blog and Browsing History Unearthed
- Osama Bin Laden Found!
- Researchers fail to uncover reason to live
- Sailor flies home
[edit] November 17
- Clooney flips cars, trees in North Carolina
- Fashion writer handed life sentence for rape, murder of garbageman
- More troops deployed to Playstation 3 waiting lines
- Nancy Pelosi elected as first mute Speaker of the House
- PC wins court case
- Papal proclamation to procure profit for prophet
- Republicans give up US Congress, Express Relief
- Scientists Panic after the Digestion Simulator goes Berserk
- Walken says being new Pope will be "challenging"
[edit] November 18
- Buses start swearing
- Ex-Wal-Mart employee pleads guilty to fraud
- Flash and the Furious Five split
- Nw Zld stdts rplcd w mob phns
- PS3 fans eagerly await OJ Simpson's new game "If You Did It"
- Tony Blair files for divorce
- Woman found in house
[edit] November 19
- Buyers line up for a Wii
- James Bond fan changes his name to include all 21 film titles
- New storm approaches as Vancouver remains under "drink beer" advisory
- Snakes in a Car filming goes bad
- Somalia: Govt, UN bringing in kittens, say Islamists
- Tom Cruise, who is not gay, weds Katie Holmes
- Woman suspected to be stealing
- Xenu disappointed over Cruise-Holmes wedding
[edit] November 20
- Congressman proposes draft for Iraq effort
- Court to weigh constitutionality of undeclared edit war
- Niggers heckle unfunny kike, who calls them niggers
- Nothing happens on November 19, war declared on UnNews
- O.J. Simpson TV special "If I Were Hitler" cancelled
- Papercuts Made Illegal
- Penguins attack Bond at US cinemas
- War against UnNews cancelled after November 19 news stories are added
[edit] November 21
- "Star Wars" director Robert Altman dies at 81
- Actor Michael Richards Apologizes for Racial Remarks
- Mobiles to become everything
- Rare Java Runtime Environment Revision 9 installed
- Rumsfeld blames fiasco on faulty simulations
[edit] November 22
- Adam Sandler to direct The Hobbit
- Cosby backs Richards racist slurs
- Fox cancels planned Michael Jackson special "If I Did It"
- Monster felled in server purge
- Scientist sheds new light on speed of light
- War babies 75th anniversary edition marks milestone in erotic cinema
[edit] November 23
- Britney Spears finally gets her eyes checked, files for divorce from Kevin Federline
- Monty Panesar attacked by fan
- Paper to become plastic
- Pierce Brosnan jealous over Daniel Craig becoming the best Bond ever
[edit] November 24
- Blair releases latest in "If I Did It" series
- Critical Firefox hole enrages Bill Gates
- Man jumps quarry
- Robert Altman will not direct "M*A*S*H" prequel
- Supermodel Heidi Klum gives birth to seal's son
[edit] November 25
- Anonymous User commits act of terrorism because of offfensive article.
- English Nature suffer from trauma
- Swedish woman travels through time to give birth to self
- Wikipedia celebrates 1,500,000 articles written by monkeys
[edit] November 26
[edit] November 27
- "V for Vendetta" sequel begins filming in Kentuckistan
- Bruce Lee theme park to literally kick ass
- Dutch Socialist Party wins election by a landslide
- Elton John actually gets sick of himself in Brisbane
- Grue flu outbreak forces killing cute kitties and puppies
- Iran crashes plane for Bush
- New iPod to hit market
- North Dakota Dick Festival expected to draw thousands
- Season's Greetings banned in USA
[edit] November 28
- "30 Rock" cast member arrested for DUI, Michael Richards calls him a nigger
- Doctors say ass transplant successful
- EON Productions defends controversial casting of eleven year old girl as James Bond
- Fanboy disappointed by PS3
- Fangirl satisfied by Wii
- Japanese schoolgirl prostitution
- NY police sink passanger liner on maiden voyage
- Pamela Anderson Divorces Kid Rock; Marries Boy Band
- Some guy dies somewhere.
[edit] November 29
- Bush vows to leave at least a few children behind
- Dude's "Second Life" every bit as boring as his first life
- Dutch elections most important event of the year
- FBI pays visit to White House
- New Land Before Time film 'set to be darker'
- Supreme Court declares global warming unconstitutional
- The Bowels of Hell open at The Root of All Evil
- The Reverend Jesse Jackson calls for a ban on the n-word, "noob"
[edit] November 30
- Britney and Paris market new line of designer-label merkins
- Doctors warn of the dangers of excessively "playing with your Wii"
- Iraqi PM postpones meeting with Bush to watch TV show
- Israel to create killer robotic bees
- Monkeypoolonium deadly if ingested
- New UK Government advice: We just don't care any more
- North Korea pokes South Korea with a really big stick
- Police went crazy after blaming Litvinenko's death on Bond
- Steven Hawking wins Grammy
- Tiger Woods buys Ireland
- Unabomber lands big Armani modeling contract
- Wikipedia defends featuring "History of hard-core fucking" article


