UnNews:Archive/October 2006
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[edit] October 1
[edit] October 2
- Bush on Woodward's "State of Denial": No such book exists, says President
- Man feeds son to goannas
- Mark Foley's Treatment Stirs Debate in Congress, Logic Optional
- Mormons gather; nobody seems to care
- OGG approval ratings fall once again
- War on Trenchcoats Declared
- Weeweeitis breaks out in little piggies
[edit] October 3
- 'Men are from Mars and women are from Venus' theory proved
- Actor Jim Carrey says having no skin "worth it"
- Bin Laden slams author Saddam Hussein
- Copyright Capers
- Eric Clapton finally sober enough to understand "Cocaine" lyrics
- Lawyer says Rep. Mark Foley just "paying it forward"
- New report reveals 107% of plane crashes have no survivors
- North Korea selects small island for nuclear test
[edit] October 4
- Americans awarded Nobel Prize for useless discovery
- Man recites pi to 100,000 places, we're not sure why
- Nobel Prize for chemistry goes to beer bong inventor
- North America stolen, justified as finders keepers, losers weepers
- Nothing happens, world in chaos.
- Unews posts Lousy Article
[edit] October 5
- Black Bear victim in race discrimination
- D.O.O.R.s put out warning
- Hilarious office intern pissing everybody off
- Isle of Ynys Llanddwyn seeks restitution for Mesozoic vowel movement
- Major media outlets sue family to force them to provide juicy details on interesting homo news story
- North Korea unveils new 'Death Star'
- Oxford University patents English language
- Sucking titty don't make you smart
- Uncyclopedia user successfully contributes to UnNews
[edit] October 6
- Deadly cloud of ass gas forces evacuation
- Death Race 2006 promises favorites, new faces, fierce competition
- Global Warming rapes woman
- Google's new idea
- Marijuana may stave off Alzheimer's, results hard to see
- NASA finds hole in shuttle
- Palestinian Prime Minister Anorexic?
- Pope criticises dead couple for leaving baby in Limbo
- Sinister Fog aids local Vampire in escape
- Tobacco exempt from anti-smoking laws
- Too long, says Paul McCartney
[edit] October 7
- Chickens discover eggs are bad for humans
- Dancing a continued health problem in clubs, bars Canada-wide
- Digital anal massage - the new cure-all
- Harry Potter to blame for school shootings
- Time-travelling, English speaking dinosaur explains evolution; Creationists unconvinced
- UnNews audio possessed by evil entities
[edit] October 8
- Cows accused of eating infected spinach
- Hip-hop loses classification as music
- Increasing numbers of boys turning to internet porn, teen pregnancy rates down
- Man has Queer Eye surgically implanted
- Man unsure whether he likes Burger King or McDonalds most
[edit] October 9
- "Halloween" remake: Zombie out, Minelli in
- America celebrates Columbo Day
- Bearded folk deny they are destructive
- Doctors say kids need less play, more labor
- Jews take over
- Local woman wins annual Baby Toss
- President Bush says something
- Stoners condemn North Korean nuclear tests
- UnNews investing guide: invest in canned goods, bomb shelters, mutant repellent
- World's 15th largest degu sold
[edit] October 10
- All your boxers are belong to us
- Bill Clinton: All you need is Ubuntu Linux
- Blue Man Group member suffocates, dies onstage
- Bull of TV's "Night Court" goes on 7-hour rampage
- E.coli outbreak proves vegetarians are stupid
- Experts want to rename schizophrenia
- Government reminds Americans that marijuana is still illegal
- John Mark Karr confesses to hacking Foley's screenname, IMing pages
- Man has bad picture taken of him
- Media: President Bush Biased?
- Monotony can cure insomnia
- Online encyclopedia Wikipedia bans sarcasm
- Rising C's in Asia make American kids smile
- UK Detonates Comedian Sacha Baron Cohen
- White House releases approved dictators list
- Woman charged with using boyfriend as a weapon
- World now completely forgotten about 'Joey'
[edit] October 11
- Bush declares war on Yankees after pitcher flies plane into building
- Czech Government Gives Up
- James Smith Carpark explosion kills absolutely nobody
- John Lennon denied resurrection for fourth time
- Kim Jong Il's suspected Duke Nukem deathmatch was actually in Quake
- Michigan angers Gorgoth the Creator with evolution ruling
- N. Korea Blows Up Second Bomb
- Playstation 3 actually a hoax
- Yankee pitcher carries out terrorist act
[edit] October 12
- Bull of TV's 'Night Court" released from mental hospital; faces preliminary hearing
- DanielCraigIsNotBond.com turns gay, stalks Bond theme singer Chris Cornell
- End of the World is nigh, say scientists
- Enjoy the haze while it lasts
- Madonna reclaims spiritual son
- New breed of rat discovered; exterminators called
- New type of Jew discovered in Cyprus
- Pigeon hunting banned in central London
- Pope Excommunicates Osama Bin Laden For Stealing Cookies
- Sheep smuggling reaches all time high
- Women are stupid, says study
[edit] October 13
- Key Republican says more sexy emails should have been sent
- Mel Gibson extends tape measure 60 ft without it bending
- North Korean air thick with kimchi stink
- Researchers discover wrong way to eat a Reese's
[edit] October 14
- 655,000 dead Iraqis urge Americans to stay the course
- Linux: Every time you use EXT3, Hans Reiser kills again
- SI's Tom Verducci loses interest in non-Yankees baseball
- U.S. computer analysts claim only 65,535 Iraqis at max actually killed
- UN Voted 15 to 0 of being Pussies
[edit] October 15
- "Laguna Beach" may give you cancer, scientists suggests
- Bull of TV's "Night Court" cleared of charges in rampage
- Car bomb in hospital carpark
- Korean War sequel enters pre-production
- Man insists Friday the 13th was not, in fact, that unlucky
- Ruth Kelly in sensational gender shock
- When i grow 16, i want a $3 Million nuclear missile, says a "My Super Sweet 16" kid
[edit] October 16
- Bush aides 'hung out with Taleban'
- Bush, Satan always "chillin' out"
- Federation censures Romulans
- Israeli rocket hits White House
- Legislation passed - Anime banned on its own home turf
- Man arrested for using wrong tomato sauce
- Man slaughters entire family in self-defense
- Osama to be Knighted
- Polar bear hunter breaks world record!
- Standardized Tests Banned
[edit] October 17
- Fred Phelps:"God hates straights too"
- Nevada to vote on quicker move to Hell
- Peter Jackson announces new Condensed Lord of the Rings DVD
- Saddam Hussein calls for united Iraq
- Samuel L.Jackson voices support for Daniel Craig
- Small Town Principal Deftly Handles Bomb Threat
- US Border Patrol ready to catch 300 millionth immigrant
- Wesley Snipes to use "too cool" defense in tax fraud case
[edit] October 18
- Big Brother 8 to be more like 1984
- Bush claims outer space for America
- Polka Medley Banned by many Schools
- Rich guy takes dump on famous painting
- Snakes on a Plane Producers reveal Ambitious Advertising Project
- Student government backs Jocks
- Thematrixeatsyou on the run from everyone
[edit] October 19
- Americans excited about upcoming stadium bomings
- Bush detains Congressional Candidates as Enemy Combatants
- Catholic Priests endorse Republicans
- Conservationist alarmed by retreat of South Yarra Ice Shelf
- Dow reaches 12,000, people still live in poverty, squalor
- Frog To Run For US Presidency
- Infertile woman blows herself up in a coffee shop, most pointless terrorist act ever
- Japan introduces new breed of crabs
- Man discovers floating turd in sink.
- Mystery killer stalks death row inmates
- Ramadan latest religious holiday ruined by commercialism
- Stingrays declare war
- Tomorrow's Headlines ... Today
- WBC takes strong stand against physics
[edit] October 20
- Australians declare war on Stingrays!!!
- Bush to surrender Iraq to insurgents
- Bush vows revenge on Mother Nature after terrorist attack
- Exam passes up again - "Kids still dumb" says Government
- First MS-Tres development screenshots released!
- Harry Potter Goes Crazy and Jumps off Building
- Jay Leno's chin no longer a planet
- Kim Jong Il kicked out of Hard Rock Cafe for violating longstanding rule against bringing a nuclear weapon inside
- North Korea apologizes for blowing up China
- Pupils not allowed to breathe
- Survivors found at World Trade Center site
[edit] October 21
- Canada goes berserk
- Georgia governor rules out force in pro-Florida regions
- Iran threatens to obliterate Israel for 512th time
- Liza Minelli fired from "Halloween" remake
[edit] October 22
- Donald Rumsfeld proposes using textbooks as shields in Iraq
- Emma Lazarus poem updated for 2006
- Militant atheist decides her car keys never existed
- Sony announces new Deth-Ray recording technology
[edit] October 23
- "US not really arrogant or stupid" says State Department official of own free will
- Cisco announces new "telepsychic" service
- Controversy brews over Trollan face-concealment
- Ford says lost $5.8 billion might be at ex-girlfriend's place
- Likeness of Virgin Mary seen in Renaissance painting
- Man bones dog
[edit] October 24
- "Stingray" skate skates at ray-sting arraignment
- Canadian troops defeat 10 foot plants after 10 day battle
- Country of Peru seceding from the Earth
- Distracting children lessens shot pain
- Grand Poobah of Unfunkistan complains about lack of international attention to it's nuclear program
- Mad Japanese Baseball Scientists Design Pitch Which Could Destroy Baseball
- Mathematicians prove P ≠ NPR
- Spencer claims Hillary is ugly; Bill claims, "no comment"
- Tigers' pitcher Rogers caught using restroom without washing hands
- Unicorn trounces winged horse in Battle of the Mascots
[edit] October 25
- "Don't worry, you'll meet somebody," says girl.
- Ban on web gambling boosts "throw away your money" websites
- Bush announces bold new change in way Iraq strategy will be described in speeches and press releases
- Bush holds press conference on deteriorating situation in New Jersey
- Egyptian girl gets prison sentence for enslaving couple when she was 10
- George Michael Arrested for Smoking Cock
- I have to pee
- Lemons are the new Apples
- UK Government: "Slave wage jobs for Brits only"
- West Hollywood to ban Liza costumes as "too scary"
- World Trade Center found in government warehouse
[edit] October 26
- Britney Spears: Everything's a lie
- Michael J. Fox pro-stem cell commercial draws flak
- Microsoft HiveMind Second Edition offers enhanced compliance, uniformity
- Military allows fat slobs to become soldiers
- New pope elected and takes the name of Pope John Paul III
- Wisconsin's new adoption system earns praise
[edit] October 27
- Air Force reveals new YF-88 stealth fighter
- All political parties agree to be soft on crime
- Col. Wilson expedition in bit of jam eh wot? Pip pip! Eh-heh!
- Element 118 created for first time
- Henson's Creature Shop recieves special effects accolade for Bush
- Reporters Report that they are Reporting that they are. . .
- Safety razor manufacturers report brisk pre-Halloween sales
[edit] October 28
- "Low Food" Diet takes nation by storm
- After Cheney-administered water boarding, Iraqi PM backs timetable
- Cardinals beat Tigers in 5 games to win World Series
- Detroit prepares for annual Burning Town festival
- Minnesota Secedes from union
- UnNews Reporter consigned to Special Hell
[edit] October 29
- Guitars to become extinct after guitar tab controversy
- Hopes for a FlyingFeline audio fails, UnNews rigs for war
- Plane crash foils Nigerian sultan's escape plan, Illinois farmer's get-rich-quick scheme
- Toby Keith acknowledges sexual relationship with truck
[edit] October 30
- KFC to introduce lower-fat "chickenless" chicken
- Scientist discovers 100 million year old Starburst
- Scientology, true faith?
- US terror alert raised to orange after extra hour is smuggled into country
- Web 2.0 Service Pack 1 to be released
[edit] October 31
- Animals become sentient, smarter than humans
- Britain to use climate change report to push for return to feudalism
- Dic-tater Mr.Potato Head Declares War
- Halloween Disaster X ends in, well, disaster
- Modern humans, neanderthals may have interbred
- Scientists prove elephants aware of other elephants
- Wikipedia accused of Witchcraft!
