UnNews:Archive/October 2007
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[edit] October 1
- "ITS NOT FAIR, I'M THE BEST, NOT HIM" - F1 'ace' Alonso acedes defeat gracefully
- Ahmadinejad snaps up "renovators delight" - US missile base
- China goes braless
- Hot chick recalls 21.7 pounds of meat
- Muslims demand pop star Beyonce to "tone down" act
- Myanmar junta jails entire population
[edit] October 2
- Court won't declare Matthew Pan a person
- Discovery of caves on Mars sparks Space Race II
- Heavens rejoice as Dow surpasses 14,000
- Message in bottle found by another couple in foreclosure
- Nelson Mandela dies at age 88
- Pamela Anderson a horrid old skank
[edit] October 3
- Democrats gleeful over GOP child haters
- Ferrari furious as McLaren releases their stolen fashion models for this year!
- Lady Diana: Drunken man "at fault" for fatal crash
- Mexican teen learns to drive car while handcuffed
- Morrissey forced to scrap "too glum" LA gigs
[edit] October 4
- 'Niggers will steal our watermelons,' Australian government warns
- Calls For Banning Males In Response to College Shooting
- Celtic fan uses "kung fu one inch punch" to floor Milan goalkeeper
- Contaminated Chinese lead recalled
- Irish mayor "farts on" tomato
- Lost Leg Legal Battle
- Olympic Torch Recalled
- Scientists "discover" new fossils
- Sputnik is launch!
- Uncyclopedia launches first satellite
[edit] October 5
- Gandhi posthumously accused of mass genocide
- Man, 105, attributes long life to cardboard diet
- Mr. Potato Head busted
- Owen Wilson's first post-suicide appearance
- Subprime latte market at an all-time low
- Toxic compound found in Chinese antifreeze
[edit] October 6
- Aide Sent to Guantanamo Bay After Interrupting Bush's "Important Presidential Work"
- Mobilized methane moves motors
[edit] October 7
- Airline sorry it asked man to remove his shirt
- Iran to invade Iran
- Officials say Hurricane Humberto entered U.S. illegally
- Sen Larry Craig invited to unveil new men's room facilities
[edit] October 8
- Bob Marley, Eric Clapton Blamed for Wisconsin Massacre
- Brown Rules Out Early Election
- Car Dealer Announces National Used Car Screening Day
- Chantelle: 'Marriage to Preston made me intelligent'
- Class Pet Attacks Boy, Conspiracy Detected
- Crandon police remove "Protect" from logo
- Foxy Newsreader to leave BBC for "Live XXX Girls"
- Interpol searches for 'swirly man'
- Severe drought in Northeast; damages to local drug industry
[edit] October 9
- British man victim of "W" virus
- Bush plans for retirement
- Misfortune cookies: a new twist on a popular traditional "dessert"
- NASA announce new low-budget plan to contact aliens
- Record jackpot expected for Nobel Peace Prize
- Study finds NASA "clean room" a total crap hole
[edit] October 10
- Bobby Brown suffers Big Mac attack in LA
- Combat 18 accuses Muslim protestors of “Naziphobia”
- Kiefer Sutherland sent to jail "undercover"
- No puppy love for Ellen Degeneres, says warm pussy
[edit] October 11
- Carter blasts Bush (and everyone else)
- Police Chief: "Legalise Murder"
- Russians beg officials to bury Lenin
[edit] October 12
- "Administrative Error" leads to full scale invasion of Tie Rack
- Character escapes game into real world
- Life discovered on distant planet proves to be a major disappointment
- Russian astronaut abandons bow and arrow for space flight
- Waldo reunited with Family after 20 years of separation
[edit] October 13
- Dick Cheney wins Nobel Peace Prize for "A Convenient Lie"
- Racist messages found in the music of Carlos Santana
- Schwarzenegger endorses gay lifestyle
[edit] October 14
- Al Gore wins Noble Peas Prize
- Man discovers that he lacks a brain
- Parents denounce new Happy Meals toys
- US Congress appalled at "Inhumane" two day workweek
[edit] October 15
- Actress portrays her own buttocks
- Dentist includes breast massage in his practice
- Royals Blasted for "hunting Romanian Gypsies"
- Sting forced to scrap "homophobic" gigs
[edit] October 16
- Army declares Silly String a "hazardous substance"
- Doctors find cure for weight loss
- Dr Doom: I'm STILL not plotting to steal Ming The Merciless's job, despite his destruction
- FBI discovers mastermind behind 9/11 attacks; "sorry" for previous misconception
- Hillary Clinton's dental care based on England's do-it-youself approach
- Unclaimed fart leads to elevator acrimony
[edit] October 17
- Britain shifts BMI normal weight to '36', now most Britons underweight...
- Ellen Degenerate shows softer side, sort of
- Fat bastards "not to blame" for "eating all the pies"
- McCartney offers Heather Mills "a nice shoe"
- Ming the Directionless Resigns Lib Dem Leadership
[edit] October 18
- "Rat Pack" leader Frank Sinatra dead at 89
- Military to deploy gaydar
- Rubik's Cubes catch fire during use -- millions of units recalled
[edit] October 19
- "Submit your immortal soul to be by Friday or I'll see you in court", Heather tells Macca
- Activists send female underwear to Burmese embassies
- Australian election shows Howard has big lead over Howard
- Believers See Holy Father In Flames
- Curious George Sequel has been released today
- Nobel Committee Rescinds Gore's Prize; Oscar Yanked Too
- Oscar Wilde ordered to appear in all Uncyclopedia articles
- Reid sells Limbaugh's Letter
- Solidarity with the cancer cells poisoned in cancer clinics
[edit] October 20
- Chinese National Party Congress passes record number of resolutions
- People with eyes are more likely to be able to see
[edit] October 21
- Child confesses to breaking his parents new lamp
- China's 17th National Party Congress declares it is now the 'real Taiwan'
[edit] October 22
- Latest Newspoll results suggest Howard is even lagging behind the worm
- Toyota Falls Victim to Suicide Bombing
[edit] October 23
- "Ha! NERNER-NER-NERNER you didn't win" - F1 ace Alonso revels in failure of plucky Brit Hamilton
- Albus Dumbledore: out of the closet at last?
- Europe to play "The Final Countdown" indefinitely
- Heather Mills wants Al Pacino to play her in her tell-all life story
[edit] October 24
- Communists officially own Eastern hemisphere
- In response to widespread devastation in California, Bush declares war on fire
[edit] October 25
[edit] October 26
[edit] October 27
[edit] October 28
[edit] October 29
- Magician accused of rape; punchlines run rampant
- Record percentage of children to dress up as mortgage foreclosure bankers this Halloween
[edit] October 30
- Bush to play Darth Vader in latest Star Wars movie
- Bush: Congress is really ticking me off
- GOP to host 'Wholesome Christian Conservative Republican Values' gala
- Lack of houses slows California fires
- Man gets into record by eating 103 hamburgers but dies
- Paris Hilton to be sent to Rwanda
- Severe storm moves towards Cape Breton Island, Environment Canada warns
- UnNews to start checking new articles for quality
