| Fond Cthulhu,
Please accept my submission to your eternal darkness. It has been my dream for these past 2,500,000 years to share in my soul-devouring with you. Will you be my friend?
The Cyglaxn Cheops of the Appsaoe
Dear The Cyglaxn Cheops of the Appsaoe,
Thank you for choosing Cthulhu!
We are proud to say that Cthulhu has been voted the best soul-devouring organization in all the known dimensions every year since the dawn of time. As I am sure you are well aware, the legions of beings trying to join and submit themselves to Cthulhu's eternal darkness are countless. Thus, we can accept only the elite of the elite for submission. But don't give up on your dreams - new spots are opening up all the time.
Cthulhu's hiring horde regularly reviews the resumes in our database to match candidates with open positions. Your resume will be kept in our database for a minimum of one millennia and continuously searched for jobs that meet your qualifications.
Again, we appreciate your interest in Cthulhu and wish you the best of luck in your pursuit of eternal darkness.
Sincerely,
Abdul Alhazred,
Director of Human Resources
Dear Cthulhu,
I'v been having real problems with split ends recently, how do you
keep those tentacles of yours so soft and flowing?
Hugs and kisses,
- Lucifer
Lucifer:
There are certain advantages to having a water-based realm over a fire-based one. I always envied your weather down there, myself. Oh, and Hades said hello. Bring him more brains next time you visit. He loves those.
-Cthulhu
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