UnNews:Exploding frogs in Louisiana kill 4; martial law in effect

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7 April 2006

BATON ROUGE, LOUISIANA - Quarantines have been placed, residents confined to their homes and martial law declared in effect by the mayors of several Louisiana cities due to the sudden occurrence of frogs exploding.

The first explosion killed a family of three early this morning. The Henderson family, according to neighbor Ima Goodlady, who said she wishes to remain anonymous (oops!), had been out looking for buried pirates. "The little three-year-old...Toby, his name was...had wanted to torture the pirates into telling him how to make gold out of raw teenagers, the sweet little thing." Mrs. Goodlady said how Toby had found a frog instead and went into the house with it.

An image from the digital camera that survived the first blast. The time stamp on the file showed it to have been taken just seconds before the fatal detonation.

It was then, at about 4:14 A.M., that the house exploded.

"It was just totally destroyed," Mrs. Goodlady expounded. "The only things the police found intact were a digital camera, the UFO out in the shed, which also got blown down by the force of the blast...the shed, not the UFO...and a box of Q-Tips."

The seven-year-old, Marcus, was LifeLighted to Jack Bauer Memorial Hospital, but sadly died when a doctor injected chocolate into his veins to balance the epinepherine put there by a vat of cottage cheese.

Soon, the police departments all over the county were being called with numerous reports of "frog blasting," as the phoenomenon is now called.

One more death was reported by 5:25 P.M. "There was an adventurous fried soap salesman who wanted to show the 5 o'clock news that there wasn't any danger," said Sheriff Allen Bligh of the Baton Rouge Police Department. "There is even more reason to be wary of the dang things. It blew up like a potato."

Signs like this one are being placed around known frog blasting areas.

A curfew has been placed in effect for Baton Rouge and all cities within 50 miles, Sheriff Bligh continued. Also, residents are being warned to stay indoors, and known frog blasting areas are being sealed off. "People who ignore this warning will be shot, have CLR poured on them, and be forced to sing I'm a Little Teapot in front of the Haz-Mat team," reported Sheriff Bligh.

Martial law was declared in effect at 5:27 P.M. by the Governor of Louisiana.

It is not known at present how much longer this ordeal will last before it is over, if ever.