UnNews:Homosexual escort admits to relationship with evangelical pastor

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3 November 2006

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Ted "The Flaming Evangelical" Haggard lured young men to his Evangelical services regularly. Goofy bastard, isn't he?

DENVER, Colorado -- Area gay prostitute Mike Jones admitted today that he has been seeing an Evangelical Christian from Colorado Springs. Following accusations of church attendance, Jones says some of the charges against him are true, while others are not. Although Jones admits to drinking the blood of puppies, a lesser-known Evangelical practice, he has not admitted to communion or salvation.

Members of the Denver gay and lesbian communities were outraged that one of their own could have fallen so far. "One day he's in the gym critiquing Katie Couric's sense of fashion, and the next he's whoring it up with whitey. It really reminds you that no one is beyond the reaches of depravity," said area resident James Campbell.

Management of Crunch Fitness, where Jones works out, have placed Jones on administratively fabulous leave until the charges against him can be addressed.