UnNews:Man buys soda in $1.25 dollar deal
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4 May 2007
(Anytown, USA) Stocks rose sharply on news that a $1.25 deal had been made by a man for a can of soda, sending analysts' impression of consumer confidence through the roof.
"Consider, that here we have an ordinary man, who has spent $1.25, a weighty sum, on a can of sugar water he has been conditioned to consume like a big lab rat. Surely this is good news for the stock market. Buy buy buy!" said Drake Moreland, financial consultant.
News on the soda buy follows another major purchase by the same man, of some salted peanuts, which some analyists speculate prompted the later soda purchase. Others disagree, and state that the man was thinking of buying the soda all along, and the peanuts were just an afterthought.
Major corporations, following the man's lead, are getting into the act, with Cablevision, Ford and Microsoft pooling their resources to buy a package of liquorice, further sending stocks skyward.
While the Dow has reached record levels following these purchases, some analyists caution that other, more sensible, less profitable purchases may be made by the man, or that the man may even save more of his money, warning against "irrational exuberance" and that now may be the time to sell.
