UnNews:Man is sentenced for being assaulted and trying to get away

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2 May 2008

[edit] Prisoner escapes by accident after serious assault

A Scottish court has sentenced a man to three extra months in jail for being assaulted, and 'escaping by accident'. He was said to be "quite severely injured, and cuts to his head required 13 stitches."

He was found wandering around just outside the prison walls.

The man said in a very sheepish manner:

" I will try very hard not to get assaulted like this again, and if I am I will immediately bring the blood and gore to the attention of those nice officers so that they can help me to clean up. I definitely won't run away again, what's an extra stitch between friends, if it keeps the screws happy?

" Also I agree that escaping accidentally is a very bad thing to do, as it shows others how easy it is to escape, you can do it almost without thinking. Anybody not thinking about escaping should certainly plan it in advance and get well away, disappearing instead of forcing the police to get up and out and retrieve them from just outside the prison. The police have enough to do without intervening in half hearted escape attempts."

The judge was not convinced, and has given the man more custody to allow him to prove to the authorities that he can avoid being assaulted like any other good citizen, without having to run away. Accidentally.