UnNews:Mickey Mouse gets plastic surgery

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2 April 2006

DISNEYLAND - Mickey Mouse has shocked the whole world by declaring that he will have his ears replaced by giant IHOP pancakes. The procedure will be done by Surgeon General Donald T. Duck and a team of 400,000 marathon slugs with rifles.

According to the Surgeon General, "Wack quack quack wack quack wak. Wack wack quack wack? AAAAAAAAA!"

Goofy, the Assistant to the Surgeon General of Disneyland, said, "Uh...gawrsh, we're going to take Mickey's ears and put pancakes there instead. That's what he wanted, you know."

According to reliable sources, the Mickster will be taken to the local surgery ward, in the back of the Arby's on 5th Street. From there he will be knocked unconscious by a cinder block to the head, several times.

According to Head Surgeon Rufus T. Firefly, "In operations like this, time flies like an arrow. Of course, the fruit flies like a banana. What am I saying? Oh, yes. We're going to take Mickey's ears and throw them in the oven. I think we can pass them off as elephant ears. Mickey's not a mouse. He's an elephant. If he were a mouse, he'd be scared of himself. If he comes to during the operation, we'll plug him with an elephant gun. Maybe then he'll come three. I don't know."

When asked what would happen if the lights went out during the operation, Firefly said, "I'm a Firefly. Think about it!"

Currently, Fifefly plans to cauterize the wound with a fry-cooker basket.

The IHOP pancakes, according to our reliable sources (Chicolini and Harpo), will come straight from the British Columbian sheep butter farms.

The mouse, on his enthusiasm, said, "I think I'll come out fine. I mean, tennis rackets have holes. Why shouldn't my ears?"

Before going under the knife, Mickey said that he would like to chug formaldehyde.

More on this story as it develops.

[edit] Sources

• Uncyclopedia "Mickey Mouse". April 2, 2006, April 02, 2006

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