UnNews:New Study Proves Exposure To 'Idiots' Causes Cancer

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17 June 2006

A recent study by the Trident Technical College of South Carolina, one of the most renowned schools for its excellence in medical studies, has connected exposure to stupid people to a 40% increased risk of spleen, semicolon, and follicle cancer. Possible connections to other deadly cancers, such as fingernail malignoma and ganglia scleroma are possible, TTC lead researcher Kenny Martin says. "You see, when we analyze the perpendicular bisector of the third quadrant vector, the resulting line segment given as a vector of gravity and a perpendicular vector representing linear velocity can be given, thus defining two lines along the X coordinate plane, which when averaged give the first derivative of the gravic trajectory. Obviously, this means that there is an increased risk for those who talk to idiots on a regular basis to contract these fatal diseases." The study does not analyze the affects of stupidity on the idiot who radiates it, and until such a study is performed, Mr. Martin recommends to all the idiots out there to "find a gun and kill yourself."