UnNews:Official: Bears Do Sh*t in the Woods!
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2 February 2007
RAMSHACKLE ANTLER, Wyoming -- After revelations about Man's affect on climate change, scientists yesterday confirmed, after an exhaustive twelve-year study, that bears of nearly every variety "are very likely" to defecate in their respective woodland or forest environment. Teams have been travelling the far-flung corners of the globe in a tireless effort to confirm this age-old, near-myth-like question, Do bears crap in the woods?.
Doctor Koch, lead scientist in the research, was very clear in his own conclusions: "now we are 91% certain that bears 'conduct their business' (ahem) almost exclusively in the woods." Computer models show that bears are thought to mainly leave their brown deposits behind in bushes but less conservative estimates suggest that many bears may even poo outside their caves (in the woods of course). The question oft responded to in a sarcastic way can now, with a great degree of confidence, be answered: Yes, bears DO shit in the woods! Koch continued, "of course, there are always the nay-sayers out there but to them I say 'go out to the woods today and you'll be in for a big surprise (if you don't watch where you tread!)' ".
The news comes hot on the heels of revelations last month that pigs "are unlikely" to actually "fly" and that cows are 'likely' never to actually "come home".
