UnNews:Prince Philip spontaneously combusts, Queen amused

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24 May 2007

Burning Philip smelt like peaches, say royal staff

LONDON, England -- After many years of speculation as to when it would happen, the Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Philip, has finally exploded and burnt to death. His fiery demise occurred at about 11 am, Greenwich Mean Time. Witnessing his combustion was the Queen, members of the royal family, royal staff and BBC reporters.

“It was completely dignified,” said one royal staff member. “It was like watching one of those Viking funerals, you know, the ones with the burning ships. The Queen turned to me while it was happening and asked me to take a couple of pictures for prosperity. She apparently wants one for her purse.”

The Queen's mood was said to be jubilant and light-hearted according to those there.

“I haven’t seen her smile like that since Diana died,” said one royal family member. “It was wonderful to see her like that again.”

Many see this event as another sign the royal family are trying to modernise. One BBC reporter said “In the old days, members of the royal family died of natural causes which most people in Britain found dreadfully boring. To see Prince Philip die an agonising death which probably lasted the best part of four hours was a real treat for the great British public. It’s so wonderful to see that the royal family are just like us. It’ll be all over the papers tomorrow, I’d bet.”

After the Prince had been turned to ash, the Queen invited some school children who were visiting Buckingham Palace today, to spit on the Duke’s remains. She then had the remains scooped up into a bucket and left by the back door.

Prince Philip's ashes will be collected by the bin men tomorrow.