UnNews:Ronald McDonald arrested for selling dope to kids

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The homeless Ronald McDonald just moments before the takedown.

PRESTON, IDAHO - In a worldwide shocker, the true side of mega-cultural icon Ronald McDonald was revealed as he was arrested for selling illegal drugs to children.

"We found a whole bunch of crap in Mr. McDonald's grocery cart," said Sgt."Sailor" Randy Gilbert of the Brick City Police Force. According to Sgt. Gilbert, there was a large amount of huff-kittens in the cart hidden under the assorted K-Mart advertisements, portable televisions, pelican carcasses, newspapers, and all male pornography magazines. Other drugs, including cocaine, LSD, heroin, and Bleach, were also present, said Sgt. Gilbert.

"We were just lucky that he was selling the stuff when and where he did," was Officer Straight "clowney" Ridah's remark on the case. "If he'd gone through with the sale, with all that money, who knows what he might have done to innocent BC Newbs? I shudder at the thought. Wait. No, that's the air conditioning being too high."

Officer Clowney's police cruiser was parked in a Drug Mart parking lot, right across the street from a McDonald's. It was in this parking lot where the foiled transaction took place.

According to police reports, McDonald met with associate Trace "Head-boss-clown" McGee in the alley between the Drug Mart and the next-door Wrapping Paper-R-Us. McGee brought a lunch box with a kitten inside it, in prime condition for huffing. Meeting with some delinquents who wanted a high, the dastardly duo attempted to sell the contraband to the youths for profit. In the middle of this, Officer Clowney single-handedly stopped them all by throwing a Cinder Block in the middle of the group. The whole episode was over in less than a minute and a half.

All parties involved were arrested.

"I think that the Cinder Block was a master stroke. I never would have thought to do that," said Cock-boy Ridah Corrupt officer, who will be handling the case in front of the Brick City High Council. "It's not good to use the Force on brick walls. You never know what's going to happen."

Napoleon Dynamite, a witness to the whole affair, said, "I mean, gosh! Why do they got to do illegal stuff to get a rush? Idiots!"

McDonald had this to say:

"I am a drug lord. I have always been a drug lord. I won't stop until every single boy, girl, and lawnmower in America has eaten at least one spiked Happy Meal. I've killed 3 children with overdoses of drugs, and I'm just getting started. Once I leave prison, I'll do it all again."