UnNews:Scientist 'finds corners to circles'

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20 February 2008

Above: Oooh! Below: The cardinal directions of the common circle, when marked, depict the four corners.

A New Zealand scientist, Bruce Cruise, made what has been called an 'ingenious discovery' after his trip to a Leeds college.

Whilst lecturing students at the Jimmy Saville Education Centre, he asked a boy called Jaime to come up and mark the corners of a circle using a stick of chalk. The scientist originally couldn't 'for the life of him' determine the corners of a circle, despite having memorised shapes back in elementary school. Jaime then proceeded to mark out the cardinal (North, South, East and West) directions of the circle.

The headmistress, Miss Informal, said: "Cruise's discovery is truly remarkable, and am sure that his discovery will set the standards of circles yet to be created".

In an interview on I Dream Of Joanie, Scientist Bruce said "I went back to my newly-converted laboratory that evening, and managed to successfully determine the four corners of a circle. It's official: I've cornerifyed a circle! And when my girlfriend got home from the office, she immediately left me when she saw that I'd converted the bathroom to a laboratory".

Bruce's next project is to discover the ninth side of the octagon, claiming "it's in there somewhere. It'll take a lot of willpower and beer".