UnNews:Timmy accused of having cooties

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1 May 2008

My mommy says that only dirty people get their shoes at the Salvation Army, Timmy.

WINSTED, Connecticut - In a press conference today, local first grader Brittany DiSantis revealed that Timmy has cooties. "He smells like pee-pee" she told our reporter. "He's a meanie poop-head and he has cooties.".

In response to these allegations, Timmy has denied all charges of being infected. "She's just a stupid girl," he said as he entered his boys-only clubhouse, "she's just mad because I ripped the head off her doll and killed it with my GI Joe.". While no evidence has surfaced, a poll of Mrs. Butterton's first grade class shows a general consensus that Timmy does in fact have cooties.