UnScripts:Pee Wee Herman's Matrix

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There is a little known script for The Matrix that had Neo played by Paul Reubens in his Pee Wee Herman role. The film also encorperated many elements from the show, and from other films.

Here is the transcript, enjoy!:

[edit] Opening

Pee Wee: HELLO BOYS AND GIRLS!!! HEHE! Today we'r going to have so much fun an... OH WAIT! I HEARD A KNOCK!!! HAHA!

(Opens door)

Agent Smith Hello Mr. Hermann.

Pee Wee: Hi there! Mr. uhh.. Uh...

Agent Smith Smith, Agent Smith

Pee Wee: Oh, well hi Mr. Smith!

Agent Smith Hello. (Pauses. Reaches into brown envelope, retrieves the envelope and opens it, revealing blurry photos of a black man in a trench coat) Have you seen this man before

Pee Wee: Oh my, no sir!

Agent Smith Well he is a dangerous terrorist and we have traced him back here in this state. He goes by the name the "White Rabbit", he is very, very dangerous and could be a threat to you, if you ever, ever have contact with this individual, report him immediately, just for you protection.

Pee Wee: WHY THANKS MR. SMITH!

Agent Smith Agent, Agent Smith.

Pee Wee: Oh! WELL SORRY! Hehehe!

(Agent Smith leaves the door and walks out).

Pee Wee: Well kids! That was just crazy, but don't worry, there aint anything wrong here! Hehe. Now today's secret word today is... (reaches into teletype) Oh my! It's Crazy! So whenever somebody sais "crazy" SCREAM!

Everybody AAAAAAAAA!

Pee Wee: And if somebody says it twice, scream real loud! Haha!

(Knocks)

Pee Wee: Oh my more knocks! This is a Crazy day!

Everybody AAAAAAAAA!

Cowboy Curtis: HEY PEE WEE! HOWDY!

Pee Wee: Howdy Cowboy Curtis! (in low John Wayne-sounding voice) What brings you to these parts?

Cowboy Curtis: Well today Pee Wee I am in a real hurry, I actually do not have much time so I will sorta cut to the chase.

Pee Wee: Why sure Cowboy Curtis! Whatever ya' need!

Cowboy Curtis: Well I have sorta favoroo for ya', ummm... I have these here pills, and I'm givin' ya the choice to take this here red one or this blue one, it's kinna important.

Pee Wee: Cowboy Curtis, you know I am not supposed to take strange pills! Penny says so!

Cowboy Curtis: Well, I aint forcin' ya or anything, I'm juss givin' ya a choice, besides, it aint any wierder then what ya got allready

Chairy Yep, this whole place is crazy!

Everybody: AAAAAAAAA!

Cowboy Curts: Yeh, well, I have to be on time, I'm like the rabbit, ya know, and I'm simply givin' ya the choice. I aint forcin' nothin' on ya, infact you may not be ready yet, you already doin' a good job... But I think ya need this because this could potentially save ya from a being caught by, ya know somethin' strange an..

Pee Wee: ALLLRIIIGHT!!! I'll take the stupid pill!

Cowboy Curtis: All right, here ya go. Brace y'self, compadre, this is gonna be one mean fire horse

Dirty Dog: Hey man, like, I think I want some of that!

Chicky Baby: Like, I am in complete concurance

Cool Cat: I'm in need of some serious cat-nip!

Cowboy Curtis: Well, not now, but the three of you are very close... infact... No, you need to take care of things here, but you will, later.

Pee Wee: Com'on!

Cowboy Curtis: Ok. Ok. gunslinger (grin), hehe, here ya go

Pee Wee: Pass the lips and through the gums, whatever HERE WE COME!

(Pee Wee swallows the red pill)

Pee Wee: Mmm, metally. Allright, I took it, what was it for, hehe?

Cowboy Curtis: You'll see

Pee Wee: Hey! I LOOK LIKE THAT GUY FROM TERMINATOR 2!!!

(Pee Wee Scream as he is consumed by the matalic liquid substance, his voice becomes electronically warped)

[edit] Scene Two: Waking Up

Pee Wee's Reaction to "the truth"

(Pee Wee is in a cocoon filled with umbilical liquid, the wires whip off of him and the pod drains).

Pee Wee: AAAAAAAAA!, I'm Naked!

[edit] Scene Three (Pee Wee wakes up and notices the wires)

As he wakes up in the Nebbuchadnezzar, Pee Wee is distraught by his new condition, especially without his most cherished possession.

Pee Wee: "HEY! I DONT NEED ACUPUNCTURE!"

Cowboy Curtis/Morpheus: "Hello, old friend, welcome to reality"

Pee Wee: "WHERE AM I! I do not see Chairy, Jambi, Magic Screen or, or… MY BIKE!!!!"

[edit] Virtual Reality Scene

Cowboy Morpheus: "Welcome to Earth in 2199. The human race is an endangered species. The details are sketchy, but at some point, not far from the world you remember, the world rejoiced in the creation of A.I"…

Pee Wee: (Naiively). "Uh, uh.. Neat"!

Cowboy Morpheus: "Yes, yes, that is what everyone thought. However, at some point, the machines became aware and both sides became mutually suspicious, eventually war broke out. It is unclear which side struck first, but we do know that it was us who Stank-up the skies"…

Pee Wee: "Cool! Hehe."

Cowboy Morpheus: "This, was supposed to rob the machines of their main energy source, however, we had underestimated them. Interestingly mankind has been so dependent upon it’s machines that what was to happen was indeed quite ironic… These days people are not born, their grown, the human body can act as a battery. The machines where able to mix this with a form of fusion. I myself did not believe any of the rumors until I saw the vast breeding farms myself, seeing as the dead where liquefied to be fed to the living"…

Pee Wee: "Eeewwww!"

Cowboy Morpheus: "Essentially, mankind has been reduced to this" (produces Energizer batteries).

Pee Wee: "I Don’t want to be a battery! And I hate the Energizer bunny!" (Agent Smith walks in)

Agent Smith: "Hey who wants to buy some crack"

Pee Wee and Morpheus: "We do, We do!"

[edit] Pee Wee Visits the Oracle

The Oracle turns out to be a very familiar close friend of Pee Wee... As well as to cyber punk lore.

Coyboy Morpheus: "Here he is, It's Morpheus".

The Oracle: "Come in".

(Pee Wee and Morpheus enter into an empty room).

Pee Wee: Where is he! WHERE IS HE! WHAAAAAH!

The Oracle: Hey Pee W-w-w-wee!, come over to the snazzy entertainme-me-me-me-ment centre and open the doors!

(Pee Wee Opens the doors).

The Oracle: "Hey there P-p-p-p-pee Wee!"

Pee Wee: (Joyoussly) "Jambi! You know about this too!".

The Oracle: (Whispering and annoyed) Shhh! Do not use my real name, that is my Matrix name, in real life, M-m-m-my Name is Max Headro-o-o-o-oom!

[edit] Interrogation Scene

There was an interrogation scene between Agent Smith and Neo, this scene, however, resulted in (quite juvenile) hilarity bassed on the similarities of the two's dress!

Agent Smith: "Mr. Herman, we can arrange many rewards for your cooperation in thi…"

Pee Wee: (Reaches out at Agent Smith and swipes his glasses then puts them on). "I look like YOU! Haha!"

Agent Smith: (Patiently) "Yes… Now…".

Pee Wee: (Takes off his red bowtie and clasps it onto Agent Smith’s collar). "Now you look like ME!!!"

Agent Smith: (Indignantly) "Tell us where Zion is"…

Pee Wee: "I know you are but what am I!"

Agent Smith: "Where is Zion!"

Pee Wee: "I know you are but what am I!"

Agent Smith: "Cooperate!"

Pee Wee: "I know you are but what am I!"

[edit] Pee Wee Defeats Agent Smith (First Time)

In this scene, Neo defeats Agent Smith with his will, however, it took a very different form then in this version, referencing an older possible inspiration.

Agent Smith: "Goodbye Mr. Herman"

Pee Wee: "My... name... is... TRON!!!! (Pee Wee produces a glowing frisbe and slices Agent Smith in half).

[edit] Return to the Playhouse

Pee Wee: "Hey everyone I'M BAAAACK!

Pterry: "What happened to you man? You like, turned like got swallowed by Babylon, it was totally trippy!"

Dirty Dog: "'Ey! Like what was that stuff Cowpoke Curtass brought! Now I REALLY need to trip on that! Crazy man"

Everyone: "AAAAAAAAA!"

Pee Wee (Ducts to the floor).

Koncky "W-w-w-whats the m-m-m-m-matter P-p-pee Wee?"

Pee Wee (Terrified) "AAAAAAAAA!"

Koncky (Confused) W-w-w-w-why are you act-t-t-t-ting so craz-z-z-zy?

Everyone: "AAAAAAAAA!"

Oracle Max "Jambi" Headroom: "Oh don't worry about him, he's been through allot lately"

Pee Wee: "Hey! Wanna see somethingg neat!"

Dirty Dog: "Like, are ya gonna do what you did on those pills? Can I do it also?!?"

Pee Wee: You do not need any stinkin' pills! You ALL can do this RIGHT NOW! HAHA!"

Magic Screen: "What are you gonna do?"

Oracle Jambi: "Oh! You'll all love this!"

(Pee Wee opens the door leading out to the field, but without his bike, he backs up and gets into a running position)

Magic Screen: Hey! You do not have your bike"

Terry: "Or your helmet!"

Chairy: "Pee Wee! What are you doing?"

Jambi: "Oh, j-j-j-just whatch th-th-th-this!"

(Pee Wee runs off the cliff, flies off into the skyline, but then gets airsick and plummets to his death. The End)