Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/November

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search

January - February - March - April - May - June - July - August - September - October - November - December

Please browse to find an anniversary, then give it a damn good editing.
Editing Guidelines


Most monsters love All Monster Spawning Day...

November 1: Cheap Candy Day (USA), All Monster Spawning Day

  • 1053 - Birthday of Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster. Every year Nessie celebrates by not having her picture taken.
  • 1347 - Birthday of Vlad the Impaler, who later goes on to become Dracula. Every year he celebrates his birthday by impaling a few peasants.
  • 1512 - Michelangelo completes the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel; his wife complains that if he carries on at the same rate the wallpaper won't be up for Christmas, when she's invited her sister around. They have a row and she storms out, Valezquez and Raphael come around, crack open a few beers and then destroy Tokyo.
  • 1897 - Victor Frankenstein stitches together a bunch of dead bodies to create his monster.
  • 1937 - Birthday of the Chupacabra, which didn't destroy Tokyo because it lived on a fucking island without one single boat.
  • 1950 - A series of horrific experiments to re-animate dead tissue result in the creation of Joseph Ratzinger.
  • 1952 - As part of the weapons program Operation Ivy, the U.S. successfully detonates a 10 megaton hydrogen bomb in Eniwetok atoll, located in the Marshall Islands. Most historians regard this as Godzilla's birthday. Godzilla celebrates it every year by attempting to destroy Tokyo, or, if Tokyo is under attack from another monster, by saving Tokyo.
  • 1953 - Mothra hatches from an egg, destroys Tokyo.
  • 1957 - Mothra finishes metamorphosis and changes from a destructive silkworm to a beautiful butterfly. Then destroys Tokyo.
  • 1959 - An evil cult performs a dark ritual that results in the birth of one of the most terrifying monsters of all time: Dick Cheney. Cheney promptly goes out and destroys Tokyo.
  • 1960 - Ken Griffey Jr.(Seattle Mariners) is born. Then destroys Tokyo.
  • 1965 - Birthday of Gamera.
  • 1967 - The Japanese monster movies introduce their most terrifying monster character yet: "Hitler" - a human who attacks other nations without provocation and slaughters millions. His most successful movie, "World War II," pits him against another monster, "Stalin." Stalin is given eye beams to counter Hitler's flame-breath.
  • 1967 - Cookie Monster born, then destroys Tokyo.
  • 1979 - The most successful monster movie of all time is released: "Dick Cheney versus King Ghidora, the Three-Headed Monster."
  • 2005 - Sesame Street introduces a new song for Cookie Monster, "Cookies are a sometimes food" and he is forced to eat less cookies to promote good eating habits. Driven mad by cookie deprivation, Cookie Monster begins devouring human cast members.
  • 2005 - Fisher Price created.
  • 2006 - I wrote this sentence.
  • 2007 - I wrote "I wrote this sentence." a year ago.
  • 2038 - Got aout of a 31 year-long comma. (Don't mind the number, just a coincidense.)

view - talk - edit - history

November 2: All Soul Food Day

view - talk - edit - history

November 3: Thoughtcrime Day (Airstrip One) / 3rd Bolognese (First Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster)

view - talk - edit - history

Red states voted for Bush while blue states voted for Hussein. People in Yellow states threw their votes away by voting for Ross Perot.

November 4: Artifical limb awareness diurnal period

view - talk - edit - history

Uh oh... Government go boom.

November 5: Remember, remember, the fifth of November: Explode The Government Day (Britain)

view - talk - edit - history

"Salad is Murder!"

November 6: M.A.O.U.A.D. (Meaningless and/or Unnecessary Acronym Day)

  • 6006 BC - World created by YHWH.
  • 1860 - R.P. candidate A.L. wins the U.S.P.E.
  • 1931 - Stephen Van Evera was born. He made MAOUAD a national holiday by excessive use of meaningless and unnecessary acronyms in his famous book Causes of War
  • 1935 - E.W. presented his study on F.M.R.B. to the I.R.E.
  • 1962 - The U.N. G.A. adopted R. 1761, condemning S.A.'s A.P.
  • 1969 - The USSR's KGB attempts to make the CEO of the UK'S BBC DOA use RDX, but the plot is discovered by the USA's CIA.
  • 1974 - LBJ eats a PBJ.
  • 1976 - The AEIOUY (American English/Italian Organization of Uneducated Yaks) is founded.
  • 1977 - A fund-raising party for the NAACP becomes a little too festive when they get ahold of anti-aircraft artillery and fire the AAA at the nearby AARP.
  • 1980 - P.E.E.V. is founded and begins protesting salad bars and splashing red paint on people wearing cotton t-shirts.
  • 1984 - D.U.M.B. (Dangerously Unwilling to Make Baloons) declares war on Poland.
  • 1985 - CND NIMBYs protest against NATO WMDs.
  • 1992 - TLA's invented.
  • 1992 - MAD is first tested out in North Korea.
  • 1993 - The SUMO (Socially Unacceptable Morons Organization) ends their kitten torture programs.
  • 1995 - Sensitive New Age Guy turns into a Caring Understanding Nineties Type.
  • 1996 - WWW gives rise to a whole host of annoying acronyms LOL.
  • 1997 - XNYAPHPCRUTGPL (XNYAPHPCRUTGPL's Not Yet Another PHP: Hypertext Preprocessor Clone Released Under The GNU's Not Unix Public License) is released.
  • 2001 - Mothers Against Dyslexia (D.A.M.) formed.
  • 2002 - U.I.N.A.W.R.A. is not a workable recursive acronym becomes a popular Internet meme.
  • 2004 - Bears gain a higher level of consciousness and begin to understand human culture. They instantly begin visciously mauling designers of children's toys, books and cartoons for portraying them as cute.
  • 2004 - George W. Bush officially becomes the last Republican to win a presidential election.
  • 2005 - SGBN/SM seeks open-minded MSWF for AC/DC, S&M fun, bowling.
  • 2007 - MFOFAOAS formed(Mothers Forcefully Orally Fucking Animals Of All Sexes). ARA(Animal Rights Activists) Outraged!

view - talk - edit - history

You should always appreciate a leaf blower that does a good job.

November 7: Blowjob Appreciation Day, Canada

  • 521 - The Visigoths opt out of sacking Rome for the third time in a row, preferring to sit around in the dark and complain about how horrible life is while listening to whiny synthesized music.
  • 1951 - General Jack Ripper becomes the first man to reject a blowjob in order to preserve the purity of his bodily fluids.
  • 1993 - The state of Iowa closes for cleaning.
  • 1985 - The People's Repubic of Lasconia nuked off the map and subsequently wiped from everyone's memory.
  • 1990 - The People of Australia celebrate as another person is borne. His name is Saxon Strauss and will soon take over the world and the Uncyclopedia company.
  • 1996 - NASA launches the Mars Global Surveyor to search the universe for Mars Bars.
  • 1999 - Brian Wilson awakes from 30 year sleep, and remixes first Beach Boys album into hip hop chamber music.
  • 2000 - Glace Bay is flooded by 100 feet of cold November rain
  • 2005 - Kate Bush's first album in 27 years, the 27 disk set Antenna, released.
  • 2006 - Stephen Fry suicide bombs the houses of parliment and the whitehouse simultaniously. his last words where "Don't fuck with Shakespear, He's watching you!"
  • 2006 - The US Midterm Erections are marked by a series of negative political adverts and lots of Viagra.
  • 2006 - Anthony Carmine, of Gears of War fame, dies.

view - talk - edit - history

November 8: Erectional Pleasure Day

  • 1000000 BC - On the plains of Africa, the Australopithecus encounters an eerie black monolith, and for the first time in history, stands erect. Moments later, with "Also sprach Zarathustra" blaring in the background, the Australopithecus realizes his hands are now free, and begins to experiment with tool use. If you know what I mean.
  • 2059 BC - Taj Mahal, "Man's greatest erection for a woman" built in India.
  • 1173 - The leaning tower of Pisa gives the first sing of its famous erectile dysfunction problem.
  • 1889 - Eiffel Tower erected, giving pleasure to all Parisians. Rioting ensues
  • 1895 - Wilhelm Conrad Röntgen discovers x-ray specs.
  • 1901 - Washington Monument erected as a reminder to all american men that their penis is more important than diplomacy
  • 1923 - Joey gets a new Erector Set. He receives pleasure from it.
  • 1972 - Man gets first erection on the Moon.
  • 1989 - Terrorist organization Hamas superglues a 8 foot fake rubber crocodile to the Wailing Wall sparking outrage.
  • 1993 - The Louvre celebrates its 2nd birthday, and the Glass Pyramid is opened. Pleasure is provided throughout France. Rioting ensues.
  • 2006 - World declares national holiday as men of every race and religion appreciate their erection. Lesbians are outraged. Gays celebrate through an ancient Gay dance.
  • 2006 - Grand Canyon joins lesbians in outrage.
  • 2006 - Mt. Everest very excited.

view - talk - edit - history

November 9: NWS Day (UK), NSW Day (Wales), NSFW Day (Pornovia)

view - talk - edit - history

November 10: Like Yoda talking, International Day of

Talk funny, I do not.
Talk funny, I do not.
  • 1337 - Oscar Wilde admits, "Actually say any of this stuff, I did not."
  • 1940 - Winston Churchill proclaims, "On the beaches, fight them, we will."
  • 1604 - Shakespeare says to be, or to be not
  • 1863 - Gettysburg at, Abraham Lincoln declares "Our Fathers this continent a new nation brought forth, proposition that equality all men have and liberty was conceived therein, seven and four score years ago."
  • 1930 - Lovecraft says "Which lie eternal can, dead is not that, and strange eons with, may even die death"
  • 1962 - President John F. Kennedy says "Moon we choose in this decade to go, easy not because of, but hard."
  • 1963 - President John F. Kennedy delcares "Ein Berliner, Ich bin!"
  • 1965 - The Rolling Stones release "Satisfaction I cannot get"
  • 1967 - Mick Jagger states, "To meet you, pleased I am. Guess my name, hope you I."
  • 1969 - John Lennon states, "Buried Paul I did."
  • 1975 - Melting fast his fame, sinks the Edmund Fitzgerald Gordon Lightfoot for a song material to get. Write song then "Sunk Edmund I."
  • 1992 - Michael Stipe declares, "In the corner, me that is. In the spotlight, me that is. Losing my religion, I am."
  • 1992 - Belong to us, all your base are.
  • 1997 - Bjork "Full of love, all is."
  • 1998 - President Bill Clinton states "Sexual relations with that woman, I had not"
  • 1998 - Britney Spears sings "One more time baby, hit me you shall."
  • 2002 - President Bush declares "Attack Iraq, that we must."
  • 2003 - Press release Jacques Chirac in states "Missed the toilet with my pee, I did."
  • 2003 - Condoleeza Rice declares "Smoking gun we do not want if shape of mushroom cloud it may be."
  • 2004 - George Bush Declares "Find newkiller weapons, we shall!"
  • 2004 - Tony Blair declares "Find WMD's, we must!"
  • 2004 - Paris Hilton Likes teh cock who does?
  • 2005 - Kanye West declares "Care about black people, George Bush does not."
  • 2005 - Bush declares "Uh, um, forget my line I did." Yoda , "Lost a line, President Bush has. Very embarrasing it is, very embarrasing," replies.
  • 2006 - George Lucas says, "Rich I am. Release more Star Wars dvds I will. Through the nose, pay you will."
  • 2006 - 5 hours after the Playstation 3 was released, Sony goes bankrupt. (or gets a crapload of money, one of those).
  • 2008- Cancer Weebul Bull Dies Of.

view - talk - edit - history

Beware the Red Warmongering Llama!

November 11: Red Warmongering Llama Day, First World War Appreciation Day (Commonwealth States)

  • 1914 - Archduke Franz Ferdinand is assassinated in Bosnia. His final words were: "I know I won't be leaving here (with you)." While people are still wondering what the hell he meant,War is declared against France.
  • 1914 12:15pm - France surrenders.
  • 1916 - Soviet Russia established, and nothing bad happens to the Russians again. Ever. Instead, the Russians happen to something bad.
  • 1918 - After four bloody years of battle, the first World War finally comes to an end on November 11, 1911 at eleven o'clock in the Morning.
  • 1918, 13:51pm - France claims its total surrender was a tactical ploy to draw the enemy onto thier battlefield of choice.
  • 1918, 13:52pm - Whole world laughs at France for being undeniable pussies.
  • 1919 - Armour plated Llamas invade Vienna. They are barbicued inside their armour with flamethrowers and eaten as soup.
  • 1920 - Llamas in tanks finaly annexe Austro-Hungary. They eat all humans they can find in a Cheese and White Whine sauce.
  • 1924 - Llama gain the vote. Emmeline Pankhust is stunned.
  • 1932 - Hitler held his first country-wide orgy.
  • 1945 - In response to a ravaged Europe following World War II, the Dolly Llama proposes a "let's all chew on a big tin can" policy.
  • 1975 - The day after the Edmund Fitzgerald sinks (with a load of llamas) Gordon Lightfoot releases a ballad by the same name leading to speculation he orchestrated the tragedy.
  • 1976 - Gordon Lightfoot Convicted of Llamaside sentenced to Death by Buggery, Elton John is his executioner
  • 1983 - Pop sensations Llamarama reach the top of the UK singles charts.
  • 1985 - Austrian rock singer Falco records "Rock Me Amadeus".
  • 1986 - Austrian rock singer Falco tried at the Haige and sentenced to Death by Buggery for crimes against music, Elton John is his executioner.
  • 1987 - Andre the Giant famously disrupts the 2-minute silence at 11am in the United Kingdom after needing a dump in Australia. Cannon-ball size lumps of lethal feces exploded the toilet, and most of the area around him. Steve Irwin was sent to wrestle Andre down, but lost, and was nearly killed after being thrown from Perth to North America.
  • 1991 The Czech Republic and Slovakia officially split citing irreconcilable differences.
  • 1992 All Serbians sentenced to Death by Buggery. Elton John takes a break from music.
  • 1995 - Oscar Wilde declares himself as the new leader of the pop band The Village People. An urban legend states that he was the Indian. In reality he was the effeminate fin-de-siecle writer.
  • 2006 - I kissed for the first time my EX girlfriend.

view - talk - edit - history

One way to assure Lightning Awareness is to be struck by it.

November 12: Lightning awareness day (Worldwide), Scheissenfest (Austria)

  • 65th Annual Japanese Rememberance Day, For remembering Japan.
  • 1513 - In one of his lesser known works, "Mein Scheisskampf", Martin Luther claims to have gotten into a battle with the devil, flinging his "Scheisse" as a weapon. No shit.
  • 1620 - A number of pirates shipwreck on a giantic rock off of the Massachusets coast. In a measure to combat cannibalism amongst the surviving members, the Mayflower Compact is signed. In the end, however, nine are eaten with some fava beans and a nice quiante.
  • 1775 - American Revolutionary War: The Continental Congress passes a resolution creating two battalions of mimes, later renamed the United States Mime Corps. They are primarily used as human shields.
  • 1934 - Over a largish tankard of Guinness, the Irish House of Commons makes buggery illegal. No word on whether New Zealanders have yet caught up.
  • 1880 - Ned Kelly is hanged in Australia for beating around the bush.
  • 1889 - Washington is admitted as a state of the Union; is propped up at a podium to give a speech despite the obvious decay.
  • 1902 - Element 4, Cheesium, first isolated by scientists in Paris. Rioting ensues.
  • 1918 - Germany signs a pact to be prissy for the next twenty-one years until an Austrian prick screws it all up.
  • 1930 - Albert Einstein and some dude you don't know recieve a patent for the Einstein refrigerator. No Bullshit
  • 1955 - Marty McFly completes the first successful time travel experiment after lightning strikes the Hill Valley clocktower.
  • 1955 - Doc Brown's flying DeLorean is struck by lightning.
  • 1996 - The Paris Hilton opens for its first customer: A man with a camcorder.
  • 1997 - Nothing happens. At all.
  • 1998 - Marty McFly travels in time to record a porn video with Paris Hilton. It becomes known as knock the back outta ya 2
  • 2007 - Doritos chili cheese lime are invented, thus changing the future of crunchy snacks as we know it.
  • 2007 - The Earth collides with a meteor and existence as we know it ends.
  • 2008 - In a last ditch effort not to be assassinated, George Bush declares war on Australia
  • 2008 - Some Stuff Happens, existence as we know it starts up again.

view - talk - edit - history

November 13: Quack Like a Duck Day, Feast of Hermaphrodite, Day of the Cool People

  • 10,000 B.C. - Humans begin destroying the forest, driving out bears and things.
  • 832 - Saint Anselm is permabanned from the Vatican for setting fire to the Pope.
  • 1915 - French Army phases out custard pies as infantry weapons, replaces them with hand-buzzers.
  • 1932 - William Butler Yeats marries his dog Chico.
  • 1972 - Mediocre Britain votes on whether to join the European Community, turnout extremely low.
  • 1978 - While starring in an open air production of Shakespeare's Henry V, Sir John Gielgud is carried off by a hunting kingfisher. He is found unharmed some hours later, having tricked the bird into incubating his egg-like head.
  • 1992 - The title of worlds first penguin to eat rocks was taken by Magiwatoo. A penguin from the north east of Columbian waters.
  • 1990 - The first webcomic is launched, entitled Two Sarcastic Badgers and Some Clipart.
  • 2015 - The French get tired of rioting, someone quacks for comedic value, rioting ensues.

view - talk - edit - history

It takes a brobdingnagian word to describe a brobdingnagian face.

November 14: Brobdingnagian word day. Super-Ultra-Mega (SUM) Excitement Over Nothing Day. Jokes That Don't Make Sense Day in Albanina.

  • 1462 - Emos are created, nobody cares, they get all worked up and start cutting. (First SUM Excitement Over Nothing Day)
  • 1837 - Most annoying creature ever award society set up by Mr T
  • 1933 - King Kong climbs, humps Statue of Liberty.
  • 1964 - Mary Poppins receives the Castro Award for vocalizing the Brobdingnagianest word ever. Unfortunately, her award is later revoked by the staff of Websters on the grounds that Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! is in fact not a word but a surrealistic painting by Herman Brood.
  • 1975 - Flying Squad officer Jack Regan gives a slag a proper kicking. Now SHUT IT!
  • 1998 - Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra marry in Las Vegas, marking the beginning of the ugly bride marries hot bride craze.
  • 2005 - Tom Preston purchases John Lennon's testicles in an online charity auction, for £20,000, with the intention of creating a clone.
  • 2006 - You and I will get married. I love you honey...

view - talk - edit - history

The Devil is the source of all iguana ailments.

November 15: Awareness in Iguanas Awareness Week begins

  • 4567 BC - Joseph got his groove on in his amazing technicolor dreamcoat.
  • 2674 BC - Ovaltine has not yet been invented.
  • 1462 - The first Emos dies, nobody cares.
  • 1491 - Christopher Columbus arrives at the New World, only to be told that he is a year early.
  • 1533 - Francisco Pizarro arrives in Cuzco, Peru. He notices that the iguanas have unusually piercing stares.
  • 1683 - War undoubtably raged somewhere in Eastern, Western, Northern, or Southern Europe.
  • 1853 - Deep in the Amazon, Brazilian missionaries discover the phrase, "Cogito, ergo sum" scraped onto a tree, apparently by the claws of some medium-sized reptile.
  • 1941 - SS chief Heinrich Himmler orders the arrest and deportation to concentration camps of all homosexuals in Germany. The German Army, once the most fashionable in the world, soon find themselves poorly groomed and wearing fatigues that clash with their boots.
  • 1964 - Mary Poppins donates a spoon full of sugar and the handsome sum of 21 guineas to the Arthritic Iguana Foundation after her beloved pet Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious dies screaming and horribly from Mad Iguana Disorder, a disease closely related to Arthritic Iguana Ailment.
  • 1965 - Chips invented.
  • 1969 - Vietnam War: In Washington, D.C., 250,000-500,000 iguanas stage a peaceful demonstration against the war.
  • 1982 Wikipedia destroys the Andromeda Galaxy. (sight of the destruction has not been seen yet due to the slowness of light speed)
  • 1990 - Producers acknowledge that Milli Vanilli, who won the 1990 "Best New Artist" Grammy Award, did not sing themselves on their album (the music was actually sung by a couple of iguanas).
  • 1992 - A massive migration of iguanas to Bangkok, Thailand happened. The reason why is still unknown. All is known is that someone borned there will take over the world.
  • 1998 - Cheech Marin invents the text message while filming an episode of Nash Bridges. Friggin' genius.
  • 2001 - Microsoft releases the Xbox. The most popular game is Hi/Lo, a first person cooking game starring a cyborg known only as the "Master Chef". Set in a futuristic spaceship and challenging the player to serve up meals for an entire ship, sometimes using alien cooking implements, the game is regarded as a classic in the "First Person Cooker" genre.
  • 2002 - Harry Potter takes over the world for a second time and earns a total gross of 98.3 quadrillion dollars.
  • 2006 - Santa continues to plot total world domination.
  • 2016 - 84% of Americans suffer from thumb arthiritis due to excessive use of the text message.

view - talk - edit - history

I will eat your soullllllllll.... soulllllllllllll..... soulllllllllll.... MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

November 16: Feast of Saint Bukkake (Japan)

  • 600 BC- Inca Warriors land in Spain, and end up converting Spain to a Christian country
  • 1776 - American Revolutionary War: Hessian mercenaries capture Fort Washington from the Patriots. Startled revolutionaries say, "what the fuck is a Hessian"?
  • 1904 - John Ambrose Fleming invents the Vacuum Tube. The vacuum tube makes possible electronics and early computers, and it is therefore considered a major advance over the Tube Full of Air.
  • 1915 - Albert Einstein solves the problem of Uncyclopedia's many inconsistencies and contradictions, which scientists had been trying to solve for centuries. His theory states that in fact space-time is inconsistent, and Uncyclopedia simply follows a geodesic line through it.
  • 1920 - Qantas, the national airline of Australia is registered as an air carrier. The first Qantas airliners are Douglas DC-3s equipped with a pouch on the underside to carry passengers.
  • 1960 - Clark Gable passes away. Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.
  • 2001 Elmo (pictured) goes on a killing spree, attacking and consuming 4923 children attending a Sesame Street convention.
  • 2002 - The First Kandahar International Film Festival is held. All filmmakers in attendance are hanged afterwards as Heathens.
  • 2005 - The 100th anniversary celebration of the Feast of Saint Bukkake was cancelled after the star of the feast declared "I'm full"!
  • 2006 - Paris Hilton... Bukkake... Ah... this is just too easy

view - talk - edit - history

An icelandic swan dresses up as Bjork to celebrate Bjorksmas

November 17: International Celebrate Things That Happened On This Day in the Past Day; Bjorksmas (Iceland).

  • 1558 - Elizabethan era begins: Queen Mary I of England dies and is succeeded by her half-sister Elizabeth XP.
  • 1796 - Napoleonic Wars: Battle of Arcole - French forces defeat the Austrians in Italy. Despite the victory, French forces surrender 15 minute later, citing "force of habit".
  • 1863 - Siege of Knoxville begins: Confederate forces led by General James Longstreet place Johnny Knoxville under siege; Steve-O manages to escape in a daring skateboard stunt.
  • 1871 - The NRA is granted a charter by the state of New York, they celebrate by accidentally shooting people.
  • 1903 - The Russian Social Democratic Labor Party splits into two groups; the Bolsheviks (Russian for "majority") and Milkshakes (Russian for "minority"). (NOTE: Later the Mensheviks became the majority party, meaning that technically the Milkshakes became the bolsheviks and the Bolsheviks milkshakes).
  • 1967 - Vietnam War: Acting on optimistic reports he was given on November 13, US President Lyndon B. Johnson tells his nation that, while much remained to be done, "We are inflicting greater losses than we're taking...We are making progress." Johnson goes on to say that after he wins in Vietnam, he will attempt to bring law and order to Afghanistan, impose democracy on Iraq, and stage a winter assault on Moscow.
  • 1969 - Negotiators from the Soviet Union and the United States meet in Helsinki to begin SALT I negotiations aimed at limiting the amount of sodium in fast food.
  • 1970 - The Soviet Union lands the probe Lunokhod 1 on Mare Inebrium (Sea of Rains) on the Moon. NASA says that it's the first roving remote-controlled robot to land on another world. But then again, they also say that we can't live on the sun.
  • 1970 - Douglas Engelbart receives the patent for the first computer mouse. The revolutionary invention will allow men to search for porn with only one hand.
  • 1973 - In Orlando, Florida, US President Richard Nixon tells 400 Associated Press managing editors "I am not a crook". Moments later he swipes somebody's wallet.
  • 2003 - Arnold Schwarzenegger is inaugurated Governor of California, announces that he intends to cut the state's deficit, improve education, and find a woman named "Sarah Connor".
  • 2006 -The Playstation 3 is released in America at $599. Rioting does not ensue. Except in Paris.

view - talk - edit - history

Prior to the famous apple-shooting incident, William Tell actually had thirteen other children.

November 18: Constantly Hum the William Tell Overture Day, World Kool-Aid Day

  • 1307 - William Tell (pictured) shoots an apple off his son's head. What they don't tell in the history books is that before this day, Tell had thirteen other children.
  • 1626 - Due to an unfortunate typo, St. Peter's Basilica is accidentally desecrated instead of consecrated.
  • 1928 - Release of the animated short Steamboat Willie, directed by Walt Disney. The copyright on this film is expected to expire when the sun exhausts its hydrogen and enters a red giant phase, or perhaps somewhat afterwards.
  • 1972 - Angela Griffith is the first woman to ingest five times her weight in broccoli. Tragically she died after the resultant flatulance blew her to bits. A statue was probably erected in her memory, somewhere or other.
  • 1978 - Jonestown incident: In Guyana, Jim Jones leads his Peoples Temple cult in a mass murder-suicide that claims 918 lives, leading Kool-Aid to revoke their sponsorship of Jones.
  • 2001 - The Nintendo GameCube was released. It sells considerably better than the Nintendo Hypercube, which requires users to push buttons in four dimensions.

view - talk - edit - history

Instead of potatoes!

November 19: Thankstealing Day

  • 2500 BC - Pharaoh Whahuti invents the phrase 'thank you' and requests the phrase to be planted on every garbage can.
  • 461 - St. Hilarius becomes Pope. Ironically, his last name is found only mildly amusing.
  • 1600s - Puritans get food from Native Americans, then drive them away and take their land in traditional American fashion.
  • 1716 - Sir Isaac Newton coins the phrase 'Thanks a lot!'. Unfortunatly, it gets no recognition among trash men.
    • Seconds later, he coins the phrase 'Don't mention it'.
  • 1848 - Irish potato famine enters its 115th day; President James K. Polk heard to utter 'I am heartened to discover that the potatoes of Ireland have finally liberated themselves.'
  • 1852 - It is getting pretty damn cold in Russia.
  • 1942 - World War II: Battle of Stalingrad: Soviet Union forces under General Zhukov launch the Operation Uranus counterattacks, turning the tide of the battle in the USSR's favor. Zhukov hurts himself trying to keep from laughing when, during the middle of the battle, Stalin radios for information and asks him, "How's Uranus?"

view - talk - edit - history

Nice to meet you Sophia, my name is Randy

November 20: Sophia Day, and day of the Christophe Rookesh

  • 500 BC - Greeks invent philosophy(filos=love, Sophia)
  • 479 BC - Sophia invents boobs , millions stare.
  • 284 - Dodecahedron becomes Roman Emperor.
  • 403 - The Hagia Sophia completed in Constantinople. Her majestic domes are just huge.
  • 1453 - Turks capture Constantinople and rename it Is Stan Bull, adding minarets as phallic symbols around the Hagia Sophia.
  • 1910 - Mexican Revolution begins. Mexicans get some Madero and Porfirio Díaz is not amused at all.
  • 1910 - (about 1 o'clock PM): Siesta in Mexico. Revolution postponed.
  • 1917 - World War I: Battle of Cambrai begins - The Allies make surprise attack on the German Trenches while the Soldiers are transfixed on Sophia's Invention.
  • 1950 - Sofia Loren enters puberty. The Acme Hand Lotion Company sees its stock quadruple almost overnight.
  • 1958 - Sofia films 'Boy On A Dolphin'. Years later, Michael Jackson will purchase rights for the remake.
  • 1988 - Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man wed
  • 1996 - Chris rook declares war on England
  • 2004 - Hughesy flashes, Invention of the whirly-copter and alternative contraception.
  • 2028 - After 40 years of marriage, Pac-Man tragically dies whilst at work, Ms Pac-Man disbands the Pac-Man series of games. Forum riots ensue.
  • 3000 - George and Conrad begin the Russian revolution.
  • 3000 - Russian revolution postponed due to Conrad sciving due to injections (the UN-Pain)
  • 3000 - Owner of Sainsbury's Aaron Dean declares war on Russia and Tesco's
  • 3000 - Chris Rook defends Russia by declaring war on himself.
  • 10000 - Pie is made illegal in communist Russian-America
  • 10001 - Lankiness is made illegal world wide.

view - talk - edit - history

Is it cannibalism if a couch potato eats crisps?

November 21: International Couch Potato Day

  • 1783 - Oprah and Shoobily Boobily ze French Guy had the first untethered hot balls flight.
  • 1847 - The Great Irish Potato Famine reduces the number of Couch Potatoes in Scotland and Ireland by 25%. Tragically, this results in a global Deep-fried Mars Bar recession.
  • 1877 - Thomas Edison announced his invention of the pornograph.
  • 1963 - Lee Harvey Oswald gets laid for the last time.
  • 1963 - J.F.K. proclaims invincibility.
  • 1969 - The first AARPNET link was established.
  • 1987 - Oscar Wilde becomes the first person ever to be eaten by a grue and live.
  • 1996 - Couch Potato Day Established to encourage nations to collectively sit on their asses watching pointless programs at the same time. Scheduled Programs for this day included 100 Ways to Watch Paint Dry, and 20 Things You Didnt Know About Carpet.
  • 2002 - NATE-Oes invited Bulimia, A stoner, Laffy Taffy, Lithium-Ion, Ramen-Mania, Slavekia and Slavekneea to become members.
  • 2003 - Megatron destroys the earth, only to be remade by Ultra Jesus.
  • 2004 - I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus distributes Nintendo DS systems to cheering (m)asses in Nude York Shitty.
  • 3503 - God purchases Earth expansion pack, "Earth, 21st Century Terror" we all love him for that don't we?

view - talk - edit - history

Peaceful demonstration or failed invasion from space?

November 22: Conspiracy Theory Appreciation Day (not celebrated for some reason)

  • 200 Sex is invented.
  • 1812 - Puzzle potato officially refound. Citizens everywhere rejoice.
  • 1945 - Nazis accidentally explode nuclear bomb in Dresden. Allied air forces are subsequently blamed for mass firebombing.
  • 1952 - In Guatemala, CIA first operation gives start to a era of brutal military dictatorships sponsored by the US government in Latin America ... wait... thats not funny...
  • 1963 - J. F. K. accidentally assassinated by angry, confused polar bear. Polar bear plants gun on napping Lee Harvey Oswald and escapes in a get-away sled. Nobody looks into it very much.
  • 1963 - Absolutely nothing happened. You hear me? Nothing. If you heard otherwise, it's a filthy Communist lie.
  • 1968 - Stanley Kubrick begins secret filming of the moon landing.
  • 1970 - The Million Cyberman March (pictured) is held in Washington, DC. Conspiracy theorists claim that it was actually a failed invasion from outer space.
  • 1983 - America's largest Tin foil hat manufacturer is shut down - at the same time as a record number of "communications satellites" are sent into orbit by NASA.
  • 1985 - 1985th anniversary of "Going to bed on November 21 and waking up on November 23 mysteriously" day
  • 1986 - Hands Across America is celebrated at the same time as secret evidence is presented during the Iran-Contra trial.
  • 1988 - J.F.K. zombie rises from dead and rampages across U.S. leaving hundreds slain in his wake. U.S Secretary of Wizardry David Copperfield resurrects the spirit of Abraham Lincoln to stop the monster.
  • 1989 - Remains of JFK's brain grafted into a 150ft tall, titanium, laser-eyed, nuclear-powered robot to celebrate the anniversary of his death. JFK-9000 ran amuck and was subsequently destroyed by Godzilla, who had to be flown in especially from Tokyo, Japan.
  • 1992 - Mossad agents from the future assassinate Sam Weaver in Ruby Ridge for unknown reasons.
  • 1999 - CIA operatives go berserk in Columbine High School, killing 14 people including two innocent students who were subsequently blamed.
  • 2000 - Shadow Internet #1 created. Subsequent internets are created in the coming years.
  • 2001 - George W. Bush places blame on Afghanistan for Terra-ist attack 11 days earlier, when in actuality he did it in order to have an excuse to declare war.
  • 2005 - Federal Government attempt to reduce surplus population in New Orleans fails with just over 700 deaths.
  • 2006 - South Park exposes 2001 conspiracy as a conspiracy; Bush too stupid to blow up planes
  • 2007 - November 22 mysteriously wiped empty
  • 2008 - Squirrel resembling J.F.K. assasinated.

view - talk - edit - history

The sweet taste of victory.
The sweet taste of victory.

November 23: Official Lucky Glass Golf Trophy Meets Blonde Girl Who Wins At Golf Day

  • 323 BC - Creation of golf.
  • 108 BC - Creation of golf trophy.
  • 14 BC - First golf trophy race.
  • 0 - Creation of glass.
  • 45 - Creation of glass golf trophy.
  • 924 - Creation of luckiness.
  • 1337 - Creation of 'Lucky Glass Golf Trophy'.
  • 1502 - Creation of blonde girl.
  • 1792 - Creation of blonde girl who plays golf.
  • 1824 - Creation of 'Blonde Girl Who Wins At Golf'.
  • 1825-2664 - Every year on this day, Blonde Girl Who Wins At Golf wins at golf and wins Lucky Glass Golf Trophy.
  • 2665 - Abolition of glass, luckiness and blonde girls.

view - talk - edit - history

November 24: Pete Best's Birthday (US, UK)

The remaining Beatles slowly step away from Pete Best.
  • 1601 - Pilgrims celebrate the first Thanksgiving. Pete Best wonders why there is no Thanksgiving in the UK until he realizes that The English have nothing to give thanks for.
  • 1859 - The great prophet Charles Darwin publishes his manifesto The Origin of Species, predicting the eventual birth of Pete Best.
  • 1941 - Pete Best is kicked out of mother's womb.
  • 1946 - Teacher sends note home to Best's parents, complaining about his sullenness and unwillingness to play bass with other children.
  • 1951 - Mother auditions George Best as possible replacement in the family.
  • 1955 - Learns to play drums. Snares, bass and drumsticks go off and socialize with one another, leaving Best out.
  • 1960 - Makes trip to Germany; greeted with cries of "Rammstein forever, Pete Best never!"
  • 1961 - Plays with Tony Sheridan; burns Virginia with Phil Sheridan.
  • 1962 - The Beatles record demo version of "Love Me Do;" original chorus of "We hate our fucking drummer" goes unnoticed.
  • 1962 - George Harrison stares icily at Best during a performance; Paul McCartney kicks his drum set during rehearsal; John Lennon hires Brian Epstein solely to fire Best.
  • 1962 - George Martin brings Ringo Starr in to shout incoherently over Best's drum parts; later uses it as an excuse to fire Best.
  • 1962 - Best kicked out of the Beatles.
  • 1963 - Best kicked out of house;
  • 1964 - Best kicked out of England; Elizabeth II says her kingdom "wants to go in a new direction."
  • 1968 - Best briefly kicked back into Beatles when Ringo leaves during White Album sessions; quits when he realizes he'll lose his job a second time to a guy named "Ringo."
  • 1970 - John, Paul, George and Ringo join Best in the "Ex-Beatles" group.
  • 1971 - Alice Cooper jumps from a plane and disappears, after collecting a ransom which includes US$200,000 and a Pete Best box set.
  • 1980 - Best kicks it old school.
  • 1984 - Fozzie Bear tragically dies of a heart-attack.
  • 1991 - Seven years after the song was released, Freddie Mercury breaks free and moves to the Moon.
  • 1993 - David Dickinson makes headline news after cutting off negotiations to be in the Doom video game.
  • 1995 - Release of Beatles Anthology allows new generation of fans to kick Pete Best around.

view - talk - edit - history

'Till the going down of the sun...

November 25: Feel Vague Anxiety Whilst Examining A Tattoo You Got On A Drunken Impulse Day

view - talk - edit - history

Part of the ongoing War on Abstinence

November 26: National Day in the Republic of Bulimia, International Abstinence Rejection Day.