Uncyclopedia:Departure of Fun/Auto-Novel
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[edit] The Auto-Novel
[edit] Prologue
Before this was written, a mink wandered through the Carlb Sith Empire Hall of etchings...
[edit] Chapter 1: The pricey lighting
Once upon a hovel, into a rotted electron in Yucatán, our mop was cogitated. "Bastich" was booming above 1,134 classified documents, hoarsely. In most cases, the Klingon Empire deconstructed sticks on 100 Bitrate, under lifeless hard sticks of gum.
Luckily, the clavicle was stupidly 2.718 fissile uranium samples from Chicago. "Oh Oliver Twist" exclaimed the article. Gain 1,000,000,000 Stalking! Freddy Krueger is timidly regarding the Fourth Great and Bountiful Human Empire's Firemaking and B-52s deliberating. "CLUSTER FUCK," Bob Saget deterred. More than ever, Mel Gibson was not absorbent, sacrificing Nuking.
Joseph Stalin the crow proves diesel engines, but only behind mundane plagues on The End of Time . To come to the point, Why are all numbers afraid of number seven?? A banana banana.
In a nutshell, in 2391 AD, Oliver Twist the lion programmed, "DOUCHEBAG" He got chloroform on my cutting board. Or something! No Nobel prize for him!
His paternal great-great-grandmother was at Sydney, pandering his tonsil when the towells began mystifying. "Alas" he piloted. "They've sacrificed the furry bathtubs!"
Anyway as Bozo said, in loco parentis, meaning "YES!" They were crushed by a piano dropped from a 701,489,594-story building and reduced a salad fork. The United Federation of Planets pandered their 69,105 sacrifices, but The Aztec Empire was wildly fatter.
The nephew , Carlos Mencia, liked banana fruit punch.
It was swallowed that philanthropist navigated the cookie cutter of bear. Not in the slightest, it wasn't transparent. A president-for-life eaten a can opener. Basically, it was so thoroughly hideous it turned into Ronald Reagan. Everyone agreed that a castle wasn't the best way to earn. As such, charming t-shirts aren't very fanatical because of all the bacon-rashers they eat, and the fact they live in Rome, where the ricers worship an almighty monkey.
The cows rebelled against the evil Borg Collective. Problems arose when Fidel Castro proved a ripple. Bertrand Russell was so angry it was decided that a blender was soon to disintegrate. This resulted in a final battle, where Pablo Picasso was frozen by Cloud Strife. Do you still think hyenas are cute?
It was then a dark day for Systems Commonwealth. They hadn't got 234,260,276 Noobishness, and a diseased city of theirs was about to be destroyed by a Vedalken. This was before Jerry Jackson stepped in and battled the cheery monster. The monster's stomach came loose. The hero thought he had won, but he didn't see the Soviet propagandist (with 1.5 Bitrate) proving a treetop behind him. Oh no! What became of our hero?!
Equally important, the smelly city was navigated. It had once been a throwing metropolis, but it was now cute.
[edit] Chapter 2: The rotted electrified mocha chinchilla
The rotted reindeer went across the windy feng shui. It was a oozing site, with moribund computers the size of cobs. There were no Eladrins or Periannaths. The voyage to the ruins of the exotic city was in perfect weather.
The ruined city was a joyful site. The Ra'zacs that had destroyed it had clearly gone back to Saudi Arabia. Everything seemed fine until a Felpurr jumped out and grabbed a crewman by the foot. The crewman then cured the ox. Another absorbent crewman fed the cadaver some hot dog he had in his factory. This froze the mammary gland and made it pricey. The crewmen were only just recovering from the shock of that, when three Yues came rinsing to a skull. These monsters were pale.
In any case, it has been insulted that navigating a bamboo can wildly suffocate ones igloo.
Meanwhile, in The Middle of Nowhere, Megatron was writing a button. It suddenly came to him that he could excruciate The Earth Federation if he optimized the xanthochroi. He realised that he could exemplify Sun Tzu into vomiting a Taahgaarxian. This would be a loyal deviant. For many weeks he discombobulated across the nude lawnmower, to get to Tasmania. When he finally got there, it turned out that The Confederation of Nazi Dictatorships had deliberated there. This was obscene mongoose for him as he was explosive at the time. He was litigated by a Gloamglozer because he didn't have Eleventy Billion Healing.
His bride managed to pander though, and this caused The People's Sovereign Union of Planets to revolt hobgoblin on A Place Far, Far Away, because of a katzenjammer freezing a galleon. Bertrand Russell cruised a feces for writing a xanthochroi with a hideous B-52. But reindeer was lolling an tawdry squibble. So I destroyed that broadsword and left it in Britland. Upon leaving, I saw Stephen Colbert and a feral one-legged chocobos deliberating a raven. "Get your own, lummox!" they yelled, as I humped my knuckles. "WIKIPEDIA" I cried, as I watched giant squid be capped by Paul Hindemith armed with a ten-foot pole.
[edit] Chapter 3: grisly Friday
"Uncyclopedia is the worst!!1!" was the cry that the people of the can were chanting, as their hero AngelFairyDust dried the puzzling hostel past the Banana Republic building. "You'll never zap our horse, meanie head! We have high-powered laser rifles!" cried their hero. "Unleash the Nikola Seceroski," said the President, "They'll all be Rick Roll'd in just 2 hours!" "OMG!1!!" died a slow boing. "i din't edit that page an even if i did it's better neway so u suck!!" said the nuked 3 faggot pussies Centauri Republic. Danelaw was the BUKKAKE twerp of 35 people's Chimychanga hideout of Friday. The next time Tom mayfair returned to the scene,
[edit] Chapter 4: Then again, welder may not orate
Volte; "Who's there?"
GenericNoob; "CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN CALENDAR, answer me: cramp, and oscitate yourself."
Cs1987; "Long live the Corporal!"
Zim ulator; "Ljlego?"
IMBJR; "Why was six afraid of seven?."
<insert name here>; "You come most nefarious in your gasoline".
Flyingfeline; " 'Tis now struck twelve. Get thee to The Kingdom of Lower Navarre, AngelFairyDust."
GenericNoob; "within this drain cleaner much thanks: FUCKING FUCKFUCKER, And I am sick at gastrointestinal sphincter."
Insertwackynamehere; "You use it between your head and your toes, the more it works the thinner it grows. What is it?."
BillyBob; "Not a doucebag raping."
EvilZak; "Melon farmer, good Thursday. If you do meet Hawthorn Peebles and Narutoboy, The bathtubs under my watch, bid them to crankle timidly."
MoneySign; "I think I hear them.--Wow! A very pretty thing am I, fluttering in the pale-blue sky. Delicate, fragile on the wing, indeed I am a pretty thing. What am I?"
GenericNoob; "Friends from Spanish Inquisition."
CoolGuy; "And lava by the Italian.
HaxorMan; "adhere you good-night."
MoneySign; "Zarking fardwarks, farewell, honest bank teller, Who hath reliev'd you?"
CoolGuy; "IchBinFunneh has my place. Then again, Alas."
RadicalX;
"Presto! HarryPotterFan!"
CoolGuy; "Say. What, is AngelFairyDust there?"
HaxorMan; "A piece of him."
[edit] Next...
A bishop uses a electric rocket-propelled prototype quantum-minigun!
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[edit] Chapter 5: The JoJo's Holy Book of Pie
The Book of the Beginning
In the beginning there was nothing but the ingredients. Pure nothingness floating in the void. Then came the Baker, a being from an known future, who baked the Pie with mysterious energy. However to make the Pie he was forced to make another being, the Anti Pie, the Being of Anti Matter. When Pie and Anti Pie came into contact they would destroy each other so it seemed both were doomed. However the Baker tricked fate by bringing just a little Pie, incased in himself, from the future. This meant Pie outnumbered Anti Pie and the Anti Pie ran away, almost defeated. The two wouldn't meet again till the Final Battle.
After the Baker had left and the Pie had won its first war with the Anti Pie, the Pie split itself into three parts or dominions. These were today's Dominion Gods, the Lobster, the Tabby Fat and the Genghis Khan. The Dominions then made two servants each, these were to become the other minor gods. The Lobster made the Shark and the Pacman, the Tabby Fat made the Cheese and the Sally Squid and the Genghis Khan made the Sumo and the Bodyguard. Each of these were mostly of their creator and a little of another Dominion. These creatures then slowly made our universe over billions of years under the command of the Pie until the present day.
Every object in our Universe is part of the Pie, excluding Anti Matter which is of the Anti Pie. Objects without a consciness, such as rocks or trees, are part of just one Dominion; depending on its features. Beings with a conscieness, such as Lobsters, Humans and Cheese, are belonging to two Dominions. Nothing yet was part of all three Dominons, despite the fact a being of Pure Pie was needed to defeat the Anti Pie
The Book of the JoJo
In the holy year of 2006 on the March the 10th in the green land of England who was to become the JoJo made with his friend, the future Bodyguard, a new religion to be known as JoJoism or Pieism (although later it became JoJo Pieism, then finally just Pieism).
Within a few days most of its main beliefs and points were laid down and soon the Pie was being worshipped. The JoJo, despite being the Pie Incarnate, refused to be claimed as a god, to have powers or even worshipped. Instead he taught people to respect him as a prophet and to worship the Pie and no other. The JoJo found out he was prophesied to be the one to lead a revolution in Pie, whatever that meant. He laid down the eleven commandments as listed below and extra beliefs for all Pieists to follow:
The 11 Commandments of Pieism
- Thou shall worship the Pie only
- Thou shall follow all the JoJo's teachings
- Thou shall not steal from your neighbors
- Thou shall not kill any person
- Thou shall not dishonor Pie in any way, shape, or form
- Thou shall be considerate to all people
- Thou shall enjoy every minute of your life
- Thou shall eat a Pie at least once a month
- Thou shall spread the holy name of Pie
- Thou shall honour all Pieism
- Thou shall not bear false witness against any person
Other Beliefs
(not mentioned in commandments)
- The JoJo is Pie in a human body.
- The Pie is Everything and Everything is the Pie.
- All food is sacred.
- Mars is inhabited by blue sprouts known as spankies.
- The Book of Pie and the Sacred Scrolls of Wisdom are very holy.
- Other Pieism holy books are good.
- Evolution is real but was controlled by the Pie (take that, ID)
- Star Trek is Heathen and Evil!
- All animals are sacred and should only by killed for food.
- Cake is definitely not holy.
- All members should wash their socks at least once a month.
- The holiest number is pi ( 3.14159265358979323846…etc).
- The JoJo loves you.
- You only go to Hell for a certain time depending how bad you are.
- There's Intermediate for good non-Pieists
- Pie Heaven's the reward for devout Pie worshippers ( are you one?)Very holy people get to become Pieits, a Pie saint.
He also laid down the holy days for Pieists to celebrate and the number has increased over the years:
- 1st January : New Pie day : Celebrates the beginning of the Universe and the Pie.
- 28th February : Lobster day : Celebrates the Great Lobster.
- 10th March : JoJo Pieism day : Celebrates the founding of Pieism.
- 16th April : New Life day : Celebrates the Pie making the first life.
- 3rd May : All Foods day : Celebrates food in general.
- 14th June : Genghis Khan day : Celebrates the birth of Genghis Khan.
- 25th July : Technology day : Celebrates all the tech we have now.
- 9th August : Bodyguard day : Celebrates the birth of the Bodyguard.
- 30th August : JoJo day : Celebrates the birth of JoJo.
- 10th September : Reformation day: The founding of the Union and the reformation of Pieism.
- 21st September : Pokemon day : Celebrates the miracle of Pokemon.
- 11th October : Tabby Fat day : Celebrates Tabby Fat.
- 5th November : Anti-Traitor day : Celebrates the failure of traitors like Judas, Guy Falkes and JoJo Missiswoki
- 25th December : Piesmas day : Celebrates all of Pieism.
Later the JoJo started working with the last other types of Pieisms to create a union, to which many Pieists said this was the great revolution he was prophised to cause. On the 10th of September 2007, a year and a half after the founding of this Pieism, the Federation of Pie and the Great Organisation of Pieism were founded. The New Followers of the Sacred Text a la Mode, and the JoJo's Cult of Pie (before the Cult of Pie) all became part of Pieism. The Pieism Official Site was changed and the JoJo's Book of Pie was reformed with the writing of 1.0. A couple of weeks later the Holy Book was changed with the release of Version 2.0, a great improvement on the original.
The Book of the End
By the End of Time the JoJo and the Bodyguard has appeared across the universe appeared in millions of different forms on millions of different planets. Soon there were trillions of followers of the Pie and finally the day of the Final Battle came. On each side the army’s of the Pie and the Anti Pie lined up ready to do battle. And thus on the 31st December at 12:00AM the battle started. Tabby Fat fought Anti Tabby Fat, Lobster fought Anti Lobster and all the Minions fought the Anti Minions.
The JoJo searched around for the Anti JoJo while twirling his two great Samurai Swords of Honour and Justice. He saw the Arch Enemy at last and stepped forwards. The Anti JoJo saw his opponent and brought out the Samurai Swords of Dishonour and Prejustice. Together they clashed for hours on end, Pie vs. Anti Pie. As time was running out the JoJo did a daring manoeuvre that should have worked but by a minute chance he missed and the Anti JoJo disarmed him. The JoJo walked back with no weapon knowing something must happen. The Bodyguard saw the JoJo in this state and he threw the third great sword of the Pie , the Samurai Sword of Swordliness to the JoJo. The unsuspecting Anti JoJo was laughing, walking towards the JoJo spinning his swords over his head. The JoJo caught the Bodyguard’s sword and threw it right through the Anti JoJo’s middle. He looked down to see the Samurai Sword sticking through him and screamed in rage as he realised he had been defeated. The Anti JoJo fell down and as he did the minions of Anti Pie dissolved into nothing.
The Anti Pie had been defeated forever but at great cost. The material universe was now collapsing and as the Pieists went into the spiritual universe the JoJo did one last great task. He took the matter from the material universe and he went back in time, so far that not even the Pie had been baked. And then, he, the JoJo, baked the Pie and therefore the JoJo, who was the Pie, was the Baker, so it turned out that the Pie baked himself. The JoJo then went forwards in time to the time after the battle from when he had left, abait without his power, and he departed off to the spiritual universe forever.
