Underworld (movie)
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“Werewolves are in the break of extinction because of Selene.”
~ Captain Obvious on Underworld movie
“That girl? I taught her everything she knows.”
~ Chuck Norris on Selene
“So, we have smoking hot vampire chicks on the one side, and manly werewolf dudes on the other... And you dare asking me "Who would you join?" Lucian, my rebelious werewolf leader, where do I sign?”
~ Oscar Wilde on the most frequently asked question in every Underworld-realted conversation
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[edit] Selene Facts
- If you lined every bullet Selene has used during the last 100 years up end-to-end, the resulting chain would stretch from the Earth to the moon and almost halfway back.
- Yeti has to do frequent shaving, due to his fear of being confused by Selene as a werewolf.
- The last thing that goes through a werewolf's mind when encounters Selene is always the same. A silver bullet.
- Global warming is caused to a 60% by the heat produced by Selene's guns.
- Galoshes that are in the break of extinction because of Selene too (and her all-black all-leather wardrobe)
[edit] Dating Selene
[edit] Advantages of dating Selene
- The sexiness
- Bad-ass ness
- The super sexiness
- Skin-tight black leather
- Smartness (only when it comes to killing, when it comes into something else she could bite every bullshit she is told)
- Wealthiness
- Blood-drinking chick
- The ultra super sexiness
- Hates everything that has a fur on it
- Did I mentioned the sexiness?
[edit] Disadvantages of dating Selene
- Her fangs, although good looking, will scratch anything that gets in her mouth (yes, you little prick, I do mean everything!)
- People will look strange at both of you due to her outfit (no, it's not because they are jealous)
- 700 year old virgin (really!)
- Her adopted father (no, I won't give away that spoiler)
[edit] The impulse that started the making of Underworld movie
Fact: No cloned blood has ever been approved by any government for medical use (Did I forgot to say that the vampires made cloned blood that hoped to sell as medical supply? Darn, spolier again!). However, the european branch of the vampire coven was in desperate need of cash in order to continue buying and breaking as many expensive cars as possible. Thus, Selina made a deal with Len Wiseman (well known for his movies with the fictional character Kate Beckinsale) to make a movie biography of her life. Since the public was already fed up of motorshows with losers breaking expensive cars, they decided to deliberately start a war with the werewolves. The war was supposed to be secret. The script was supposed to be all blood and gore (and Selene breaking expensive cars, of course). Selene was supposed to look ultra-super-sexy (actually, she does). Len was supposed to become rich (no, he lost everything when divorced with Selene).
[edit] The movie
The original movie was in *ahem* tight budget. The fortunate thing was that, since Len Wiseman and the rest of the crew were in pills causing artificial erection during filming, the movie ended up filmed in blue-white, which helped trim the coloring cost significantly. As a result, the film didn't exeeded it's 2,4$ initial budget. Also, most of the filming was done in a city landscape, as promised by the ruler of the city of Budapest, which of course is the bastard Nazi ruler, which resulted in reducing the cost of the movie even more, as the inhabitants were glad to lend their homes and streets for filming if they wanted to keep their heads attached to their necks.
[edit] The racism against Lycans
Poor saps, they were shown as the filthy, ugly, angry and rabid creatures of the night. Now everybody in these front rows can feel delighted everytime Selene Hotpants and her good-looking, nicely dressed partners take out one more of these creatures, in their effort to get the world rid the lycan menance. I mean, who cares who is in the right side of the war? Vampires are cool, so we will stick with them! Die werewolves, die! You and your horrible stench. Of course, Selene and her partners work for the bastard Nazi ruler, who, at the start of the film, is presented as the most saint, protective, fair-judging vampire of the whole godamn coven. Now, cheer for our leader. I said, cheer for him people! Yeah, know you 're right, that's how Len wants you to watch the movie.
[edit] The Underworld curse
Besides her obvious advantages, Selene has difficulties in getting herself a decent boyfriend for a quite long period of time. After all, it is common knowledge between the underworld culturists that her relationships with men (and vampires, werewolfs, hybrids, zombies, mummies etc) last even less that the political carrer of a Greek mayor (aka less than 4 years). This happens due to the Underworld curse: everytime a new Undeworld film gets released announced, she is forced to break up dump like a used tissue the previous guy and rub herself into a new one, in order to be able to provide hot vampire action for the new film
[edit] List of break ups:
- Underworld 1: Michael Sheen goes, rubs herself into Len Wiseman (action here was besides the scenes, but this made her so badass in-movie)
- Underworld, gimme hard your Evolution: Len got enough of her, time for Scot Speedman to get some (stupidly missplaced scence in a wearhouse, with hypothetical hot action (Scot was too high to reach, the moron) in her belly button (omg!), but with a strategically placed hand infront of b00bs).
- Underworld Promiscuity: (under production) The relatiosnship with Scot isn't going as expected (Seen that punk'd episode? No? You missed...), but it still quite holds stong, but, hey, they are still filming. Info about the new guy will be released as it becomes available (It gonna be a lousy sequel, so in order to compensate, Selene probably will go to the Wildest Party Ever.)
[edit] See also
- Vampires
- Werewolves
- Kate Beckinsale
- Blade
- Movie making Promiscuity
