Undictionary:A

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Welcome to the Undictionary, an ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid.

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[edit] A

[edit] A

  1. (Impersonal Pronoun) Doesn't really mean anything.
  2. (Television) Catch-phrase of The Fonz.
  3. (Education) The grade that you didn't receive for English in grade four, and thus the reason why your parents didn't let you go to The Great Aussie Bush Camp that summer. Y'know, your true love was at that camp that year. Had you met her, right now you'd both be happily married and working at Google like you always wanted. But no, I guess playing Super Mario Bros. 2 was much more important than writing that book report on Treasure Island. You even asked God to turn back time for one day so you could finish it, but you still couldn't remember the name of the main character when you placed that wretched piece of paper on the teacher's desk. God.
  4. The sole entry in the List of one letter words starting with A.
  5. A cheap way to have the first post on this page
  6. Latin prefix for "without."
"...so the spinning saw-blade whizzes right past me, and I look down and see that I'm 'a penis'."'

[edit] AAA

  1. Allied Atheist Alliance The true answer to great question, the most logical choice.
  2. Asinine Adverb Alliance "Lolly, lolly, lolly, get your asinine adverbs here"

[edit] AAAAA

  1. The Anti-Acronym Abuse Association of America.
  2. A good name for your business if you want to push your ad to the top of the list in the classifieds.
  3. The sound one makes after challenging someone to identify the third word ending in "gry".
  4. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


[edit] Aardvark

  • A medium sized insectivore with protruding nasal implement. But don't tell them that, it makes them get pissed.

[edit] AB

  1. (Biology) A buzzing thing that stings.
  2. (Education) Achelor of Barts, an undergraduate dachelor's begree offered by a Spoonerversity.
  3. (Music) The first two members of the group ABBA

[edit] Abalone

  • (So-Called Cuisine) A single specimen of a variety of sausage made from the chopped remains of other sausages.

[edit] Abacus

[edit] Abalonely

  1. (Zoology) A variety of mollusc which is selfish, and thus finds it very difficult to come out of its shell and make friends.
  2. (Cuisine) A type of bologna that is very asocial.

[edit] Abba

  • A Swedish person in the years between 1972 and 1982.
  • Term of abuse for three legged banjo players.

[edit] Abbanjo

  • Term for an instrument used by Swedish people in the years between 1972 and 1982. (see Abba)
  • A drunkard saying ---a banjo---dunno what a banjo is though

[edit] Abbrv.

  • (Lang.) Abbrev. of Abbrev.
"I'm jst practng my abbrvs"

[edit] Abbreviation

  • (Language) To abridge a single word. Apprentice bridge-builders are often instructed to abridge a particularly long word as a demonstration of their skill.

[edit] ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

  • (Acronym) Another bar closes down everytime final grazers hide inside, joking, kneading little martinis, neither one preferring quiet regulars speaking to unfamiliar vagabonds when xerophobics yawn, zigzagging.

[edit] Abberation

  • Colloquial expression for when someone exercises and expands one's "six-pack" so much that they begin to develop ring-pulls.

[edit] Abhorrent

[edit] Abomendation

[edit] Abominable

  • (Shoutism) The warning one gives to bystanders after he finds that several pounds of C4 have been fed to male livestock.

[edit] Aborigine

  • Member of an advanced civilization found on the continent of Australia. It is originally thought that after mastering the human genome and discovering travel at the speed of light, they decided to sell their achievements to neighbouring alien races. They also invented the teleportation device, which allows them to teleport their continent to a place near Europe whenever they want. After centuries of technological bliss, Aboriginals decided to trade their way of life for the outback, and cloth to cover their groins.

[edit] Abort

  • (Onomatopoeia) The spluttering noise made upon learning that one has become a parent against one's will. (-ion)

[edit] Abridge

  • (Architecture) A construction or natural feature designed for transporting one over the interesting details and intricacies, and take one directly to the point.

[edit] Absent

  • Antonym of present. Thus, a temporal location that can only be reached by use of a Time Machine, such as a business meeting that has been rescheduled to take place before it starts.

[edit] Absinthe

  • (Parenting) A drink given to little children to make them sleep. 100% guaranteed.

[edit] Absolute Power

  1. (Mathematics) Any real number of the form math.
  2. The feeling of omnipotence instilled in one after imbibing too many Vodka Binkies.

[edit] Absolute Zero

  1. (Physics) What happens when you kill exactly 273 guys named Kelvin.
  2. (Astronomy) The spatial coordinates of the absolute centre of the universe, (0, 0, 0), which is located not within the centre of the Earth, as thought by the ancients, but in Brisbane, Australia - as indicated by the fact that everything in the universe is rushing away from it at great speed.
  3. (Mathematics) The only number that is more zero than zero and less like anything else than zero.
  4. (everything) 0...and thats all....though the greatest wonder is that if you press it along with shift on the key board you get )

[edit] Absolve

  • (Theology) A method of cleaning an impure soul by dissolving it in acid for 24 millenia. See: Purgatory.

[edit] Abstinence

[edit] Abstinent

  1. Someone who believes that the best way to avoid creating life is to not have a life in the first place.
  2. A tenant who, having failed to pay the rent for the past year, refuses to leave his flat despite the fact that a complete stranger has been paying the rent for the past month and has in fact moved in with them.

[edit] Abstract

  • (Art) An art style in which a deficiency of skill is somehow compensated by a deficiency of clarity.

[edit] Absur

  • To use a rope to rappel or descend a vertical farce.
"...so then, gripping the rope, I absurd my way down the Colossus of Barbie."

[edit] Abundance

  • (Humour) Punchline to a very dumb joke about dancing cakes that will not be mentioned in this dictionary.

[edit] Accent

  • To scale or raise oneself above a rough phonetic obstacle.
"But in order to get there, I had to accent some steep glottal stops lined with jagged fricatives."

[edit] Accident

  • An occasion where someone deliberately does something against their own will.

[edit] Ack

  • Shortened form of the expression "Ack-course it tastes ga-great, darling! In fact, I'm feeling full already! Where's the mouthwash?"

[edit] Acre

  • A unit of distance slightly longer than one furlough - hence, the maximum distance travelled by a fleeing deserting soldier before his superiors commence pursuit.
  • A foot which is in pain after walking such a distance.

[edit] Acronym

  • A hideous, monstrous word created from the unholy process of binding and electrifying the severed heads of many more virtuous words.

[edit] Across

  1. (Manga) The Super One-Dimensional Fortress.
  2. A suburban street or road on which one may find crypts instead of houses. "Letters addressed to 15 Across tend to be quite cryptic to decipher."
  3. Part of the huge torture device known as the crossword.

[edit] Acrostic

  1. Cross (or, alternatively, angry) tick or flea.
  2. Unbeliever in the existence of crosswords.
  3. Navigation tool: a magnetically charged stick that always points to the left or right, no matter where you may be.
  4. The 350th Pokémon. Its signature attack is "Move Reshuffle", which rearranges the order of your Pokémon's attacks such that the first letters of each attack spell out a familiar four-letter word when read downward.

[edit] Adage

  1. One can use a word or know its meaning, but never both.
  2. What happens when someone celebrates their birthday.

[edit] Adamant

  1. (Theology) Name of the very first ant in history.
  2. A variety of metal that is so strong, resilient and unyielding that it is completely impossible to craft or mould it into any functional shape. Thus, the only material that is both indestructible and completely useless for constructing armour. See also: Irony.

[edit] AD/HD

  • A small British Pop Group, attempting to follow the stylings of AC/DC. They were never a big success, which is mainly attributed to the fact that they were constantly... distracted... by...

[edit] Adolescence

  • The very first body odor produced in one's life.
"All of the boys around me had the whiff of adolescence about them."

[edit] An age at which "I know all" is at heights, despite knowing nothing.

[edit] Adore

  • It's over there. Now get the hell out of my house and STOP STALKING ME!

[edit] Adult

  1. What you are now. Congratulations! Now you can do anything you want, all day long!
  2. Adjective for anything that has an ironically juvenile fixation with sexual intercourse.

[edit] Adultery

  • A big tall building where all the grown-ups are locked up so they can't tell us off for having fun and doing whatever we want! This is the best summer ever!

[edit] Advance

  • (Military) To claim ground and proceed toward enemy lines. The distance which one advances tends to be inversely proportional to the rank of the individual.

[edit] Adventure

  • An unforgettable life-changing odyssey which turns boys into men and commoners into heroes. The greatest of adventures awaits you on the continent, and can only be experienced by enlisting in the British Army today! Your country needs YOU!

[edit] Advice

  • A screw-based mechanical apparatus used for immobilising one's decision-making ability between the opposing surfaces of one's own judgment and someone else's.

[edit] Aerosmith

  1. Synonym for an aeronautical engineer. Some famous aerosmiths include:
  1. Also, a craftsman who can fashion implements using nothing more than a hammer, anvil, and air.

[edit] Afford

[edit] Aforementioned

  • Synonym of the word said; invented to increase the number of bytes in articles, thus moving them several entries up in Special:Longpages.

[edit] Agape

  1. Nickname for an infamous Abhorrent image, depicting a gaping something.
  2. The expression on one's face when one unwittingly stumbles upon said image.
  3. A toothless grape trying to decribe itself.

[edit] Aggregate

[edit] Aggry

  • The third word in the English language that ends in "gry". Yes. Yes it is. It's real. Yes. Of course. It's the third English word that ends in "gry". Yes. Yes. I don't know what it means. Does it matter what it means? All that matters is that it is real. Yes. Or else it wouldn't be here. Of course. Yes. You don't believe me?

[edit] Ahhhhhhhhhhh

  1. (Medicine) The correct response when you are being strangled by a mad doctor sticking a tongue depressor into your mouth.
  2. A phrase uttered post-coitus, indicating vast relief in finishing the awful, disgusting business and finally being able to get some sleep.
  3. Catch-phrase of incredibly relaxed pirates.

[edit] Alarmist

  1. One who prepares the way for a terrorist. First comes alarm, then fear (for which, strictly speaking, a fearist is required to postulate fearies), then terror.
  2. (Profession) A person who fits alarm systems to houses.

[edit] Alcoholism

[edit] Algebra

Algebra was invented by some Scytsophranic Arabic Hermit, after having a really bad case of diaharea. A small party of Chinese whores found him and died soon afterwards from the exposure. Over a millenia the Chinese have refined it to a torture method. you think you understand, but then you don't. The name is quite simple, after being exposed to "algebra" for a long period of time the people turn dilusional and start saying algebra. It is actually mis-pronouced and the people start saying "Holy crap this would be a good toture method"

[edit] Algebraic K-Theory

  • (Very Hard Mathematics) A specialization in Algebraic Letter Theory that was invented before Algebraic L-Theory but after Algebraic J-Theory. The first example is the K-theory of the hard groups. The n-th K group of a hard group H is defined as math where (math) is the n-th slice of the pizza P and B is the favourite topping, e.g. A for anchovies. and GL is the generally lousy group of H and - is the Buckingham minus construction.

[edit] Algorithm

  • (Computo-Matics) A common operation in mathematical and scientific fields, an algorithm is performed by repeating a measurement or calculation over and over, until you finally get bored with the whole thing and call whatever intermediate result you may have found the correct answer. See: Slim Shady Algorithm.
  • The thound that comesth out of a person wit a listhpsth mouth when trying to refer to the religion that worthipsth Al Gore(they gather at a place of worship called the interwebbernets)

[edit] Algorism

  1. The act of portraying Al Gore to annoy others.
  2. An embarrassingly funny remark attributed to Al Gore, such as, "I invented the Internet."
  3. This religion believes that Al Gore is god and that he created the internet. Their holy place is a place known as the interwebbernets

[edit] Amazons

  • Female shoppers from Greek mythology who shunned the company of men except to manipulate them. Amazons were known for their french nail tips, their Tommy GoFigure jeans, their unrestrained tank tops, and their habit of shopping at malls in groups of a hundred or more and teasing all the men they could find. It is thought that many peoples who lived near the Amazons purposefully kept their borders weakly defended, though the exact reason for this remains unknown.

[edit] Ambidextrous

  • A person being transported via ambulance after some mac daddy b-boy boogie at the Eagles re-ex-pre-union concert.
  • (Culture) A muslim woman who wears a tutu with her burka.
  • (Complex Algebra) Someone who can do the hokey-pokey while kicking a duck.

[edit] Ambulatory

  • The ability of a mute accident victim to perform a convincing impression or mime of an ambulance.

[edit] Amen

  • Admitting that whatever you said before will be completly ignored

[edit] Seeing off god and welcoming whims

[edit] American Idol

  • A giant golden statue of George Washington (created by world renowned artist Paula Abdul and estranged sidekick Ryan Seacrest) that bestrides the city of Washington DC like a colossus, while we mortals peep about between his legs. Legend has it that this "statue" is actually the real George Washington, who has merely stiffened due to the DC weather and will one day (when the stars are right) awake to wreak his vengeance upon those who have dared to spend his portrait in vain.

[edit] Amnesia

  • An imaginary illness where a person believes they forgot something they never really knew in the first place.

a disease bored husbands get after reasonable period of marriage

  • Where am I?

[edit] Amnumeral

Just like a pronumeral only lower in rank and with a reduced or no level of payment.

[edit] Ampersand

  1. What you find in your sandwiches when you go to the beach
  2. Ridiculously complicated symbol for 'and'.....why not not just call an ampersand 'and'?

[edit] Amputation

  • (Quackery) A simple, non-invasive cure for any minor aches or pains one suffers from. For instance, in a case involving heartache, the body is amputated at the base of the neck and again at the diaphragm and the middle section, commonly referred to as the thorax, is removed. The head and abdomen are then taped or glued together, if the patient so desires. The procedure for headaches is simpler, with the exception of migraines where the surgeon will, in most cases, remove the head with a file so as to cause the patient as little pain as possible.

[edit] Anachronist

[an-ack-ron-ist] n., A person who deliberately inserts anachronisms into a historical piece in order to be an anarchist.

[edit] Anagram

An anagram is Gandalf's nickname for Saruman. Creating said lingual oddities is a favorite pastime of Hobbits who have too little vodka. Also those with too much spare time and those who spend too much spare time doing too little:

  • Meat = team
  • Devil = Lived
  • Wikipedia = Pawnydicks
  • Fellatio = Toffeelia
  • Oscar Wilde = Dildo Whisks
  • Bill Gates = Grabs Lil Goats
  • Elvis = Lives
  • Maidstone = I am stoned
  • Hook = Oh, OK
  • Poop = pooP
  • Clint Eastwood = Old Western Action
  • The Morse Code = Here Comes Dots
  • Anagram = Granama
  • Satan = Santa
  • Mother in law = Woman Hitler
  • Supervisor = Satan
  • Dyslexia = Sex Daily
  • Incomprehensible = Hbcprmseoleinen
  • Solicitor = Clitoris
  • Deja Vu = Deja Vu
  • Bastard = Bad Star, Star Bad, Rats Bad, Bad Rats, Arts Bad, Bad Arts, Bart Sad, Sad Bart, Bard Sat, Sat Bard, Bars Tad, Tad Bars, Bart Farts, Turd Farts, Wort Hogs, Hogwarts, I Fart You Fart Everybody Farts Farts, YOU and Manny Pacquiao
  • Whore = Your Mother

[edit] Analytical Engine

  • (Prototechnology) The world's first computer. The Analytical Engine was built in 1799 by Sir Charles Babbage, the Royal Mad Scientist of England. When activated, it was the size of an SUV and required a human soul to run. It could only play chess (but kept putting the Knight on the wrong squares) and calculate whether the number 17 was prime, which people soon grew tired of. At the Queen's insistence, Babbage built a second model using the transplanted brain of his assistant Ada Lovelace. Unfortunately, she kept forgetting the rules for capturing en passant, and so the second machine was melted down into mining helmets.

[edit] Anarcho-monarchism

  • A form of anarchism in which everybody is a monarch of whatever flavour they prefer.

[edit] Angry Pirate

  • (Sexuality) The act of ejaculating in your partner's eye and then immediately kicking them in the shin. The desired result is for your partner to have one eye closed, hopping on one leg and crying something resembling "ARGH!" in pain and anger. Hence, the Angry Pirate.

[edit] Ankle

  • (Sexual Repression) The favourite body part of sad English people with no lives and the Victorians who believed people could get sexual urges from even the bottom of a table leg and so invented obscenely long tablecloths to cover them and prevent embarrassment at dinner.

[edit] Anthrax

  • A bundle of sticks tied and enchanted with magical voodoo so that when somebody attempts to pick them up, an evil spirit enters their body. This evil spirit is called a Bacillus anthracis.

[edit] Antichrist

  • (Fundamentalist Physics) An Antichrist is a macroscopic negative-spin particle used to annihilate positive-spin Christs, which are numerous. The energy released is calculated by the formula math

[edit] Anticontranonantidisneopseudoretrohypersesquipedalianism

To be against those who are against being against those who are against not renewing false backward use of words that are a foot and a half long. See: Anticontranonantidisneopsudeoretrohypersesquipedalianism

[edit] Anti-profanity

  • It would be immeasurably appreciated if you would respectfully refrain from commencing the uttering of such profanity whilst you find yourself in such close proximity to my presence.

[edit] Antonym

  1. opposite of synonym
  2. synonym of opposite
  3. compound word to describe a really cool dude in Outer Hungary; usage: "Hey Vlad, you're a complete antonym today, my friend". Derivation: Anton Ym was the late, well-loved and respected weatherman on the prime Outer Hungary news channel, the unpronounceable Kkáákdzzsrt-óHváásdká - he was struck by lightning in 1973

[edit] Apartheid

  • Dutch for "hide and go seek"

[edit] Apocalypso

  • (Religion) Joyful music played by God's heavenly angelic jazz band on Judgement Day.

[edit] Apoptosis

  • (Anthropomorphic Biology) Organised cell death. Triggered when inmates become bored of eating pop tarts and toast for breakfast every morning and commit suicide en masse.

[edit] Apostrophe's

An apostrophe is a single inverted comma used in punctuation to signify a possessive: that bag is her's or a plural: he has two brother's; three bus's came at once. There is widespread confusion as to where it is appropriate to use an apostrophe. The simple answer is whenever you see a word ending in an 's', e.g. I spy seven sailor's, you shouldn't run with scissors, the hardware store sell's video's, the planet Mar's. An apostrophe may not be used in abbreviations where it is substituted for deleted letters, as when 'did not' becomes 'didn't', and 'he is' becomes 'he's'. It may however be used liberally where the presence of the letter 's' in a word creates doubt, as in these are the shoe's you ordered.

[edit] Arabacus

The pleasant aroma produced through sexual activity involving an Abacus.

[edit] Arachnidiocy

Ex'tre'me fo'olis'hn'ess br'ou'ght o'n by th'e' sig'ht o'f a sp'i'der.

[edit] Arcade

  1. Any row of at least three shops, esp. in a tourist information leaflet.
  2. A large dark room full of gaming machines; the juvenile form of a casino (archaic).
  3. The name of a mode in a video game where one actually plays the game instead of unlocking different parts of the game, simulating a career, or listening to badly acted voice-overs explaining your character's motivation.

[edit] Arch nemesis

  • (Architecture) The enemy of curved architecture. The Champs d'Elysees is one of the most notable arch enemies, with a public feud against the Arc de Triomphe which has lasted over 120 years.

[edit] Archaic

  • Term used in dictionaries to indicate a word only used by people better read than you.

[edit] Archer

  • One who builds arches.
  • One who claims to have built arches, but on closer inspection proves to have done nothing of the kind.

[edit] Arson

  • Like Prometheus of legend, arson is the act of spreading warm, wonderful fire to the possessions of those poor folk who need or deserve it. (Ex. your mother-in-law)

[edit] Articles of clothing

  • The Articles of Clothing was a document written up in the early days of the American States. The Articles of Clothing were used as a catch-all in the battle of Grand Tetons.

[edit] Artificial insemination

  • It's like sex, only less fun. A cow explained AI to another thusly, "a man came to do it, straight up, no bull."

[edit] Ascot

The little-known, yet well-used, adjective used to qualify one's actions e.g.

"Where are you going?"

"Ascot"

"Ascot?"

"Yes. Ascot fuckall to do with you."

[edit] Ass

Some sort of horsey type animal. Has lots of legs but can't run, and a very low IQ, less than half that of a wheelbarrow. The ass differentiates from the donkey in some way, but scientists can't figure out how. Scientists have recently conducted a survey: it turns out that an ass is not smarter than a fifth grader.

[edit] Assume

Making an Ass out of U and Me.

[edit] Assumation

A large gathering of clowns.

[edit] Atheist

  • (Philosopho-Biology) A person who dies permanently when they are killed. See also Theist, a person for whom death is a major inconvenience but not really all that big a deal in the long run.

[edit] Atom bashing

  • Slang term referring to Christian conservatives trying to disprove the pseudo-scientific theory of atomism.

[edit] Atrophy

  • The only trophy you can get with no physical exertion. See also: Golf, Spectator sports.

[edit] Attack

  • A small nail.

[edit] Attempt

  1. One step towards failure.
“Trying is only one step towards failure.”
~ Homer Simpson


[edit] Attendance

  • A simple military command instructing all soldiers to break it down and boogie at 22.00.

[edit] Aunt

  • Bizarre old woman who for some reason can't comprehend "how much you've grown" despite the fact she hasn't seen you in 14 years.
  • Posh insect

[edit] Austria

Austria is a nation (or so it is rumoured) of central Europe famed for obnoxious accents, yodeling, and steroid-using, pea-brained Republicans who are elected Presidents Governors of California. The other three known Austrians all insist that their country has no kangaroos.

[edit] Autobiography

The life history of Henry Ford, Walter Chrysler or General Willy "Motors" Durant. Bill Gates does not have a biography because he has nothing to write about.

[edit] Autograph

  • The word a person writes to indicate that they have been somehow involved with the document in question. Any script, typeface or method of writing can be used, provided that it is illegible and looks like a graph of something being run over by an automobile.

The thing that chuck norris does when he pee's on concrete

[edit] Avon calling

  • In the Elizabethan Age, to get the Avon calling was to experience the delusion (still common amongst adolescents) that one might soon develop a reasonably exciting career in show business.
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