Undictionary:F
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[edit] F
[edit] F3
A group of hard gay addicts that lives in Room F3 in Willetton Senior High School during recess and lunchtimes in 2007. Members include Jon-O, Curtdude, RaphRaph, Angry Kev, Ta-man and Da Niu(Big Cow)
[edit] F
A very unfriendly letter of the alphabet. In 1481 it was upset at not being in the alphabet so bullied the letters E and G so that it could sit next to them. Thus leading them to makeing F the first letter in one of the favorites among wanabees, FUCK.
[edit] Fabric of space and time
A Fabric used in almost every piece of clothing that one buys. Eli Whitney invented the fabric of space and time gin. If you wash the fabric of space and time, it shrinks.
[edit] Fabish
To look or act like Fabio Lanzoni. This applies to having long flowing hair always blowing in the wind but not to having one’s nose broken by a bird on a roller coaster. Only Fabio Lanzoni may use this to describe ungodly sexual skills.
[edit] Fabulous
Obsolete spelling of the alias of rapper Fabolous. The alternative spelling arose after a discussion with God in which God threatened to smite Fabolous if he did not remove the offending letter 'u', as he was inadvertantly using and spreading the most heinous Hebrew swearword meaning he who sleeps with the goats.
[edit] Facts
“This entry is entirely factual!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Facts
Term used to describe definitions before the advent of the Uncyclopedia revolutions. Before the revolution, objects in the world were considered to be either fact or fiction. Confusion arose worldwide, mostly amongst 1 to 5 year olds, and people began to wonder if the distinction was useful.
Truth and facts now are terms of the past, an unholy time in which people were right or wrong, knowledgeable or stupid.
A fact is any statement you can make people believe based on how loudly you shout and how many times you repeat yourself.
"Thank thee Uncyclopedia for casting the veil out" Yogi Berra, prophet.
[edit] Fag
A fag is a small reptilian creature very similar to the gecko with the main difference being that the entire species is made up of males, and as such they must reproduce through A-Sexual means. British people set fire to fags, and smoke them.
- Tom Cruise
[edit] Faggotry
The art of dancing around like an eager bumble bee. This is not to be mistaken for ballroom dancing or Thomas Jefferson. A famous person who has been doing faggotry for a long time is Richard Simmons.
[edit] Fagwalker
Fagwalker is the word used to describe one who is half emo. Fagwalkers are very emotional people, but don't commit suicide just yet. They try to, but they usually don't. If they actually do, they turn into a ful fledged emo. People become fagwalkers if;
- They are involved in a really tragic accident.
- Only one of their parents are emo.
- They're starting their emo training.
- They want to be emo, but can't.
[edit] Fahrenheit 9/11
An instructional video on the operation and maintenance of the modern day thermostat.
[edit] Failed Joke
... Crap
[edit] Failure
“To fail is to not succeed but to succeed is to wipe away a dream, where is that coconut?"”
~ Oscar Wilde on Failure
“Failure(/ˈfeɪlˌjɚ/) 1. To lose at something. 2. To suck at life. 3.Charlie Brown. 4. Zoidberg.”
~ Encyclopædia Galactica on Failure
See also: Women's Suffrage and Miserable failure
[edit] Faith
The stuff that the guys with Religion's are always on about.
The Religion Mark II lets you: Look good with your friends. Know everything by only reading one book! Play God's Chosen Ones in real-time over the net, 50% faster than with Religion Mark I. Ignore global calamity. You will get the most points when the game's over. Hate antbody that's not you.
You know it makes sense, put a Religion Mark II on your head today.
[edit] Faith-based Politics
See under Right-Wing Idiocy
[edit] Fall of man
When every man in the world falls at the same time. This will cause a rip in the space-time continuum, effectively sending every man to the 12978th dimension. Women will then rule the world and get rights. Some historians say that this has already happened in the past. There is a conspiracy theory that says that the greatest physicists of our time, cats, are wholly responsible for these rips.
[edit] Fallacio
Any of a number of common, mistaken beliefs regarding oral sex with men.
[edit] False
The following sentence is false. The previous sentence is true.
[edit] Fame
- The herald of mediocrity that follows on the heels of success.
- A passport to the Land of Seem.
[edit] Famous
Immortal, in the present tense.
[edit] Fanatic
One who goes whole hog over just the pig's feet.
[edit] Fanboy
Fanboy is one of the most recent byproducts of evolutionary decline. Fanboys are known to dwell in very limited habitats, such as zines, speciality shoppes and on carefully moderated Internet forums, chats, usenets and messengers. Fanboys are legend for generating little or no income of their own which allows them the free time to contemplate their varied religious leanings. A fan-boy can be distinguished from normal people by the following traits:
- Exclusive vernacular
- No sense of humour or irony
- No other interests in life outside of their singular obsession
- Stalking
- Collecting props as a display of devotion
- Fetishism
- Evangelising their religion to others without warrant
- Lifelong virginity
[edit] Fan death
Originated in South Korea, but has since spread to other countries in the Far East with the sale of Korean fans abroad. The Korean electric fan, if left running overnight in a closed room, will result in the death of those inside. This also extends to Korean air conditioners and the fans in Korean cars. Many Koreans have been known to leave their car windows sealed to perform their cultural suicide ritual, the only honorable and socially acceptable form of Korean suicide.
Fans manufactured and sold in Korea are often equipped with a kill switch that speeds up the process of ritual suicide these can be set to kill, after a set number of minutes. Koreans planning on this form of suicide are often referred to as 'walking towards the wind'.
Those 'walking towards the wind' are frequently urged to purchase kill switch fan models and are reminded to set a favorable number of minutes before falling sleep forever under the 'eternal kiss of the electric wind' (literal translation)
[edit] Fanfare
A piece of 16th-Century rock or punk pie, often apple, baked by morons in leather jackets with big bits of brass hanging out of their mouths.The ingredients of a fanfare vary from region to region, but at 3 litres of dirt and a circular meat pattie at least 1m in diameter is necesarry for the food to qualify.
[edit] Fan fiction
A story based on absolutlely any curently existing film, book, video game or TV series. Written by wannbe authors with no imagination or writing skills of there own which is why they resort to ripping people off. The majority of fan fictions are either parodys based on any available plotholes or thinly disguised porn.
[edit] Fangorious
An adjective used to describe something of gargantuan size, hunger, and teeth. It has perhaps been best described by Batman following his near-death experience with Curious George after which he later commented, "That monkey was more fangorious than a Polish sausage."
[edit] Fanny
pronounced "fan'-ee", noun
Also spelt fannie
1.) A small, hand-held, battery operated fan for keeping one's dorsal parts cool in warm weather.
- Example 1: "Gosh it's awfully hot in here, would you mind terribly if I made use of your fanny for a short while?"
2.) (Chiefly British) A small, hand-held, battery operated fan for keeping a female's front parts cool in warm weather.
- Example 2: "She had a lovely fanny, but the relief it afforded her was abruptly terminated the moment her batteries run out"
[edit] Fart
Farts are in fact the sound you hear when you are born. Some people have said that farts are things that come out your backside. These people are deluded, and should be admitted to a mental hospital, because we all know, only poo comes out of your arse.
[edit] Fartwiping
The action of which two peoples rub their butts together while farting, this action results in both pleasure and discomfort at the same time.
Ex."Oooh, aah" *rub* *sigh* "something smells bad"
[edit] Fast Food
The ultimate evil which makes you pay $12 for getting nuclear gas the next morning. The best tasting crap you will shove down your throat.
A DEADLY FOOD COMPRISING ALMOST ENTIRELY OF FAT AND PLASTIC USED BY THE AMERICAN AUTHORITIES TO KILL OF ALL THE DUMB PEOPLE. PEOPLE WHO EAT THE FAST FOOD GAIN WEIGHT MOMENTARILY AND DIE SEVERAL HOURS LATER OF HIGH CHOLESTROL.
[edit] Fat americans
ok now i know some of you may like the americans or have mates which are american but bloody hell they eat alot. We went to america on a holiday once and we went to this place called the Golden Karal it had like everything you want for like $5 it was insane. So they can be nice people but fucking hell their fat and the wiered thing is i dont think they realise they're over weight even tho they have had 4 fucking heart attacks i mean if i cut up an american and ate the contents of one days eating i could live a bloody lifetime but i dont blame them with a president like that i would eat to make me feel better in fact i would just jump of a cliffe theres not much to live for being a american involved in polotics. So just a message George Bush fuck of then the population of fatties in your country might go down!!!
[edit] Fattractive
“35 is a very fattractive age: London society is full of women who have, of their own free choice, remained 35 for years.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Fattractive
- Fattractive * Antonym of 'Fugly' (i.e. 'Fucking Ugly' or 'Fat and Ugly'), referring predominantly to women who, while notably overweight, are still attractive. Some cultural variations exist, epecially in the African-American community (where the term "Thick" is preferred). 'Fattractiveness' has been known to increase with sexual abstinence and/or alcoholic consumption, but many notable "pleasantly plump" examples have be found in nature (Caroline Rhea, Kirstie Allie, Mo'Nique, Kathy Najimy, Sally Struthers). This status tends to be delicate and time sensitive, with many formerly "fattractive" women devolving to "Fugly" status in relatively short-order.
- Anne Pat is the Queen Dyke of fattractiveness.
[edit] Faux pas
A Faux Pas is a negatory unit of etiquette measurement consisting of 12 units of Je Pense Qu'Il Serait Probablement Meilleur Si Vous Ne Faisiez Pas Cela.
[edit] Faxtupid
Faxtupid is an adjective used to describe fax machines. Rather than being just plain stupid and outdated they have reached a new unprecedented level called Faxtupid.
[edit] Fear
I am going to knock on your door right now and kill you - yes, you, the person on the computer.
chiefly Scottish - a Scotsman's (or Scotswoman's) way of pronouncing 'fire'
what most humans would suffer from when your grandmother's forced you to watch an omnibus of Quincy M.E. on a Friday night (again)
[edit] Feces
You know exactly what it is. Okay I'll say it: It's poopie! That's right I said it.
[edit] Fecal latté
Fecal latté - A creation so horrifing it need not be described, nevertheless it is quite possibly the most disgusting thing any man has ever thought (until Necro-Beastial-Badger-Felching)
“Oh my God. A what?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Fecal latté
[edit] FedEx
Stands for Federal Environmental Deficiency Excuses, Xeroxed. Their primary goal is to create xeroxed excuses for our environmental problems. The company was started in May of 2009. The company was formerly known as FedE, the X was added when FedEx bought Kinko's in June of 2009er. Kinko's is well known for their homosexual tendencies, which is why they desided on FedEx instead of FedEk (Xerox, not Kinko's)
[edit] FemGam
Short for Female Gamer, this word was invented to eradicate the common misconception that ALL VIDEO GAMERS ARE GUYS. Some females, to the shock of many males, also enjoy sitting for several hours (or weeks) on end, doing nothing but poking regenerating villains with a tiny sword that goes "DOINK! DOINK!" and rotting their brains out. The FemGam can generally be identified by her confidence around MalGams (Male Gamers), her videogametechnospeak (such as "Yeah that DragonSword was SO not worth the 1000 Rupees I paid for it!! I'll have to go to the Deku Forest and request with a RainDance that the Deku Tree's mouth spit out more silver Rupees. WOOT!"), and her unrivaled knowledge of the undervalued Spice Girls Video Game (not yet released to the public).
MalGams should be forwarned - the FemGam is armed with a Nintendo 64 RumblePak and is not afraid to use it.
[edit] Feminism
The fetish of phallic individualism with which women seduce themselves.
[edit] Feng Shui
Place in aSia where the wind comes before the rains.
[edit] Ferdman
17 year-old WASP male invented by midgets employed by Hitler, assisted by a swamp lady. Enjoys repeating phrases from "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy", notably: "smelly pirate hooker" and "sex panther".
[edit] Fertile Crescent
The Fertile Crescent is just south of the Mons Veneris. On the other side of the Crescent lies Thighland (not to be confused with Thailand). The Fertile Crescent is mostly bush. It's a frequent goal of young men wishing to explore virgin territory, though these turgid explorers are sometimes thwarted by dykes.
[edit] Fetish Porn
Rather than use a condom during intercourse, you wear it on your head, and so does your partner.
[edit] Ffalabalam
A rare, small, ferocious and over-sexed mammal only found living on a small hill south of Pant-y-Pant, Wales. It only has one leg, a brain the size of a daffodil, 2.36 eyes, a truly horrible singing voice and subsists entirely on a diet of warm larger and stray Englanders who wander over the border.
Considered sacred by the Welsh, and dangerous by anyone else.
[edit] FHB
FHB equates to a code usually whispered with a hiss as "Family Hold Back". My mother would hiss this message whenever us children found ourselves facing a table of gastronomic delights at a party/gathering. FHB meant that we should NOT rush off to grab heaps of food.
I thought that my mother had invented this code, until, about 16 years ago, whilst working in a shop, I muttered "FHB" under my breath whilst watching a crowd of customers play vulture with a newly displayed special. The shop-owner's wife (standing nearby) gasped and asked "WHAT did you just say?"
As it turned out, this middle-aged woman, of Jewish background, had also got given the FHB message in her childhood, half a world across from me.
[edit] Figgin
A word used by one Paul Robertson to remind people of his existance. Only used by other people to ask what the hell "figgin" is. To this date, Paul has not come up with a coherent reply.
[edit] Figgy Pudding
Figgy Pudding (alias Figgy Puddy) is mentioned in music sung at Christmas-time but isn't otherwise heard of, nor mentioned, nor eaten in the year. Nobody seems to know what it is, why we want some, and what is motivating us to not go until we have got some.
[edit] File sharing
Due to the expense of metal files and other tools, college students and others of limited means cannot afford to buy their own but must club together to buy them. They use "file sharing software" to arrange rotas for use of these valuable tools.
[edit] Filipino
A technologically advanced yet primitive dimunitive race of sea creatures found mainly in the tiny islands of the Philippines.
[edit] Finux
A shortened form of the word... well... we have no idea. We do know that Finux is clearly one of the most sophisticated operating systems in the market today, for reasons that won't be bothered to be put here.
[edit] Finylopok
Nasal hairs grown from the back of the mouth.
[edit] Fire
A device in which to destroy incriminating evidence, such as employees.
(see also Fear)
[edit] Firebird
An Pontiac that Stravinsky may or may not have named a ballet after.
[edit] Fisher-Price
- A company that makes toys that say "go eat shit fuckers", as referenced in the popular Uncyclopedia in-joke.
- A particularly small amount of money, only enough to buy carp.
[edit] Fisherman
A drunkard with a fishing pole.
[edit] Fishpudding
Fishpudding is an enormous pudding made out of fish. They are colossal, reaching hundreds of kilometres in diameter. It is said to be a gift from God. Whenever a fish pudding swallows you, the only way to survive is to eat it. It's a test from God. If you survive, you will be granted eternal life.
[edit] Fizz
Fizz is a stupid guy who "tries" (without success) to be a singer. His, so called "music" sounds like... can`t be reproduced. While doctors and researchers still debate how FIZZ can make such music that tends to make some people sick, others like it very much, from unknown reasons. (it is said that Fizz`s music has some subliminal message which make stupid people even stupider). A good example of a fizz is Eminem
[edit] Flabbergassed
Flabbergassed. Rooted in the "your mama so fat" jokes popularised in the early nineties during a commercial involving two skinny orphan children. This is a serious medical condition. Stemming from the root words "flabber" and "gas". Flabber, meaning a very fat person, though it does not necessarily have to be your mother. Not to be confused with a flapper, who is a specially-trained dolphin. Gas- Not to be confused with gasoline, which is specially-formulated tap water held in large station pumps typically sold at $3/gallon. Also known as flatulence in the human species, gas is a (typically) invisible fume-like substance supposedly created by consumption of large quantities of green eggs and ham. May also produce bouts of laughter when sniffed, or puffy white clouds when snorted too quickly. This common theory is sometimes used in medical circles during off-hours to explain why flatulence is sometimes funny, though public consensus says it should never be (while sober). Having gas while suffering from obesity is no laughing matter in these medical circles while on-duty. Besides being extremely uncomfortable, being flabbergassed can be fatal, in the famous last words of two skinny orphan children: "dat stank. Sho nuff. lolololol.".
[edit] Flamenco
Flamenco is a small meringue. Dancers dressed in pink chiffon jumpsuits stand in a circle around the "flamenco", then proceed to whirl like dervishs. First one to step on the "flamenco" takes out the trash. This dance is done every night in a million kitchens across America.
[edit] Flaming Lips
The Flaming Lips is a line of toxic cosmetics as well as a urinogenital disorder which occurs in women, particularly sex workers.
The Flaming Lips is also the name of the company that manufactures the U-Suck-Ballz douche for women and very confused men.
[edit] Flamingo
The flamingo is a one-legged bird that thrives in Blackpool. It is most commonly sighted in suburban front gardens. It dines on mince and slices of quince which it eats with a runsible spoon. Flamingos have traditionally been the Patron Saints of homosexuality and peep-toe mules. They live in pink flocks and the fathers raise the children, not unlike the Fins.
Also a flamingo eats insects , reeds , small cats , children and Jesii.
[edit] Flash-Mob Bukkake
A practice of covering a victim with cake icing, performed by a flash-mob.
[edit] Flat
Euphimism for cross-country runner. You know, flat. Like a pancake. Or your mother. Oh, snap! See also tideflats, Slapoo, Flat-chested.
[edit] Flintabattey Flonatin, Josiah
Prime Minister of Manitoba, Jesusland. A Space miner from the early 1800s. Founder of Flin Flon. His exploits are chronicled in the series of books known as The Sunless Cities.
[edit] Flix
A flix is a comb. Remember, a flix is a comb.
[edit] Floccinoccinihilipilification
A complex sexual position in which one of the partners inserts their foot into the privates of the other partner as well as their fist into the mouth of the other partner while hanging from a tree in the downtown area of a city. Example: Wow, That floccinoccinihilipilification was a real sight near the downtown church on Sunday morning. (See also: sex)
[edit] Floon
The traditional instrument of the obscure Peanut Cult of Yellow Island. Not only a piece of cutlery, but also a musical instrument! Makes purty noises, and can be used to eat pudding with. Amazingly little-known, despite its clearly incredibly useful nature. This could be because it generally emits only a low puddingy squelch as opposed to any tune.
[edit] Florgnum
One of many recent plant-animal hybrids, the florgnum derives its name from "flor", flower, and "gnu", a cousin of the ox. Proving the initial experiment successful is the fact that the florgnum does not need to graze like other animals, but can instead get energy through photosynthesis. Also, if you are on a diet, a florgnum counts as both a protein and a vegetable!
[edit] Flucé
(french) The act of a character in a movie to pronounce the title of the said movie at any given time.
eg: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Jack Sparrow (Keanu Reeves) flucéd when he said "What hope do we have? We are just simple pirates of the Caribbean; the curse of the Black Pearl will one day consume us all".
In some circumstances, flucéing results in a character uttering a phrase that would otherwise never be used. eg: Mortal Kombat, Liu Kang (Jackie Chan) flucés when he uses the phrase: "You want to have a mortal kombat with me, shao kahn?"
Also be used as flucé (noun) ie a film which contains a character that flucés is called a flucé.
[edit] Flurved
Post tense of the verb to flurve. A truly multi-purpose word, flurve exists in all grammatical forms, such as "Mom, the cat is flurving on the carpet again", or "The boy hoped his new girlfriend would let him flurve her in the back seat of his car." Most importantly, flurved is undoubtedly a perfectly legitimate Scrabble word. Some experts have, however, suggested that flurving one's opponent during a game of Extreme Scrabble may result in disqualification, or an even more Embarrassing Situation.
[edit] Flying Spaghetti Monster
The almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster is who created the world, and all that we see. At the begining there was only a mountain, a tree, and a midget. He can be found at FSM
[edit] Fnord
Fnord is.. fnord.
[edit] Fontaine
- French word for "a building which can leap at least (roughly) 60 feet high without the aid of a marrow."
- Old Bretonic word for "Digitally-aided anal penetration simulation"
Also see:
[edit] Food
What eats lettuce.
[edit] Foon
The distant cousin of the spork. Can be found in kindergarten playgrounds and in the cushions of that guy's old duct tape upholstered couch.
[edit] FordFocus
Large wheeled mammal, invented by the Ford Motor Company in 1997 as direction competition for the Camel GTI.
[edit] Foreign
foreign (forn, for-in)
adj.
- Of, or relating to, Robin Williams as an actor.
- One who is known to be involved with "terrorist activitites" or Al Qaeda.
- Someone who doesn't live in America. See also: foreigner
- To support rain
- Before ign
n.
- The things on the ends of your shoelaces. (Plural: foreignities)
[edit] Fork
A typical weapon used in the middle ages.
[edit] Foreplay
n. what happens when you and three friends indulge in any form of sporting activity.
[edit] Former
1. adj. - was, isn't, ain't, no more, dead, ceased to be, bleedin' demised, pushin' up daisies
2. One who forms Ex. Optimus Prime
[edit] Formula 1
Cretins driving too fast in a circle.
[edit] Fortnight
Fortnight - n. - The length of time it takes to construct a fort. This term was invented in 55 B.C. by the Romans as the Latin term fortis noctum, which means "a strong knight". The Romans, well-known for being one of the most unorganised cultures of history, set the fortnight to be three weeks or 21 days (the time to construct a semi-permanent encampment), which was later rounded down to 20 days.
[edit] Forum Message of Absolute Truth and Serenity
The FORUM MESSAGE OF ABSOLUTE TRUTH AND SERENITY is a legendary piece of data lost in the outernet since the Day of a Thousand Tears when the outernet was created by Al Gore. It originated moments before the creation of the outernet from an early creationism vs darwinism debate as an angry response to the statement "if we're all descendant from apes then why don't I like bananas?" No one knows exactly what the message says but legend has it it once read it has the power to grant infinite wisdom and eternal life.
[edit] Fossil
A beta version of life. No longer supported by developer.
[edit] Fountain
- French word which roughly means "a building which can leap at least 60 feet high without the aid of a marrow."
- Old Bretonic word for "digitally-aided anal penetration simulation"
[edit] Foundation hospitals
Foundation Hospitals are hospitals that are run by charitable trusts. Doctors in these hospitals enjoy excellent pay and working conditions, usually not having to work lengthy hours as much of their work is carried out by volunteers.
The hospitals treat not only human patients, but animals also, and the King Cardiff IV foundation hospital in Wales is known for pioneering work in allowing former Welsh miners to carry out brain surgery on horses.
[edit] Fractachment
An e-mail attachment that contains and e-mail attachment that contains an e-mail attachment that contains an e-mail attachment....
[edit] Fragmenting
Is
The
Process
Of
Widely
Seperating
Words
Or
Other
Objects
Theoppositeoffragmenting
isdefragmentingwhichisveryfuntodoanddoesnotallowforanyspaces.
[edit] Frogart
frogart = forzen yogart. A little pixie which is obssessed with world domination, x-box, and cadburys chocolate. WARNING: Do not feed.
[edit] Frank Abagnale
Frank Abagnale is a con man primarily known for his repeated attempts to sell large aircraft to gas station patrons. In the mid 1960's, Abagnale would tow Boeing 727's (which he had "borrowed" from hangers) throughout the rural south. Although successful at the peddling of his wares in a number of cases, Abagnale's primary income derived from his prognostications concerning his future portrayal in motion pictures. Described by some as "riveting" in his predictions, Abagnale would pass the hat following his sessions. Captured by the FBI in 1970, Abagnale agreed to aid the agency in developing methods of apprehending others involved in illegal aircraft trafficking. It is thought that Abagnale's activities were a contributing factor in the demise of many of the major airlines, including PanAm, Braniff, and People's Express. Currently, Abagnale finds small roles in movies focusing on his life, such as "Catch Me If You Can".
[edit] Frankenstein
("fronk-en-shteen") A beer stein invented in 1647 by Laura Bush, named for her fifth husband Frank Sinatra. Frankensteins are frequently used by the Vatican during their annual beer guzzling festival.
[edit] Freak
A freak is someone is absolutely 100% normal, in all aspects. In Medieval times, a freak was a type of fibre used to make coarse clothes when times were rough. Freak also refers to a human baby 5 to 7 days old.
Used in a sentence:
"Oh my, what a cute little freak you have!"
Freak is also the name of 7.62SQ's leader.
[edit] FREE
adj. Without cost
Usage note: FREE is always to be written in capital letters. Anyone who writes it as free is breaking the rules of the English language.
- Right: Receive a FREE printer with your new computer.
- Wrong: Help yourself to a free mint after eating dinner.
- Left: Receive a FrEe printer mint with your new computer dinner.
[edit] Freemasonry
Freemasonry is a secret order with ancient rites, grotesque ceremonies and fantastic costumes, which, originating in the reign of Charles II, among working artisans of London, has been joined successively by the dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces all the generations of man on the hither side of Adam and is drumming up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of Chaos and Formless Void. The order was founded at different times by Charlemagne, Julius Caesar, Cyrus, Solomon, Zoroaster, Confucious, Thothmes, and Buddha. Its emblems and symbols have been found in the Catacombs of Paris and Rome, on the stones of the Parthenon and the Chinese Great Wall, among the temples of Karnak and Palmyra and in the Egyptian Pyramids in addition to the Statue of Liberty -- always by a Freemason.
Anyone can become a Freemason providing they're not female, gay or a goat.
[edit] Freeware
Freeware is software you pay for. It is commonly known as "the best stuff around" and is often used by pro web designers. Examples include Adobe Photoshop.
[edit] French
I only know one thing in French. "The 3 Cats Drowned." In French it is "Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq"
[edit] French Foreign Legion
Almost entirely made up of ex-British Servicemen proving once and for all the complete ineptitude of French people at winning any sort of war on their own. Still, it keeps them occupied.
[edit] French J
A mere half that of a regular J but thrice as pretentious. Usually only found in names such as Jacques, Jean, and Jimbo.
[edit] Frenchies
Frenchies were the early French who did nothing but make crêpes and French Toast. Their first spoken language consisted of the word "Hurh-hah!" which is not really a word. They developed French Fries in a then peaceful treaty with the Great Scot McDonald, but McDonald turned on them and distributed French Fries to the majority of the world. One eager patriot wanted to change the name to Freedom Fries, but was overruled by the majority of THE ENTIRE WORLD.
Did you know: The Scots invented the world's first potato? Potato Art, however was invented by the French. The image in the corner above is the first potato sculpture-painting. It was found in a cave in France.
[edit] Freudian Slip
A Freudian slip is what comes out when you mean to say something Penis.
[edit] Friend
Is someone that you can trust your on sister's virginity.
[edit] Friendship
An occurence where two parties sense prominence in eachother's stupidity.
[edit] Friggin
Frig*gin(Phigg*ghen) n; A term used in the trade to show extreme displeasure with anything. Friggin is a more mild form of fricken, which is a mild form of f@#$, which many people substitute for the word "fudge". This term is often used by people looking at their Wristwatch which always runs out of batteries.
[edit] Frisbeetarianism
The religious belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
[edit] Frittery
Waving arms with palms forward, fingers outstretched as if shooing geese. (Thumbs tucked onto the palm, presumably originally to avoid being a tasty morsel for a cross goose.)
[edit] Frooglepoopillion
A very large number.
[edit] Fruit Cake
A dessert prepared by gourmet chefs and given to family members for Christmas. Containing neither fruit nor cake, the fruit cake is thought to be composed entirely of wet clay, wax cherries, and several radioactive elements which have yet to be identified. Fruit cake may or may not grant super powers, no one knows for sure because to this day no one has ever actually eaten a fruit cake.
[edit] Frustration
Frustration is a pathological sensation of tightness in the testicles, often accompanied by cyanosis, edema, and orchimegaly. Frustration is caused by a violent allergic reaction toward recalcitrant teen girls and late-model Camaro back seats. If left untreated, it may metastasize to the brain and cause a delirious reaction, often known to derange search engine keywords toward the profane. This complication is called googlistic Tourette's and may lead to a cycle of reinvigorating frustration, and so must be treated immediately.
Proper treatment for frustration requires a goat.
[edit] Fuchsia
A beautiful flower so named because many printing companies realised kids would be disappointed when flicking through one of their censored dictionaries and not finding anything beginning with 'F-U-C'.
[edit] Fuck
1. What me and your Mom did last night.
2. A word you say when you found out about me and your mum
3. Brand name of a famous dyslexic high street clothing retailer
4. THIS WORD ORIGINATED FROM THE BIBLE. "AND GOD SPOKE TO THE ISRAELITES IN THE DESSERTS "GO FUCK YA SELF BITCHES" AND THEY DID SO." Exodus 2:5
[edit] Fuckcockery
The look on your face when you wake up and find out that your cock has been eaten by ants.
[edit] Fucking
What me and your Mom were doing last night.
[edit] Fuckload
Okay, so, imagine the biggest number you can.
Got it?
Okay, now totally double it.
That's a fuckload.
It's a lot, right? Yeah, I totally thought so, too.
For more details, see the Imperial Load Scale.
[edit] Fuck Off And Die
Rare version of the 1978 aerobics LP "Funk Off and Diet" by fitness pro Fizz Greenwarmers. Sadly a typo in the album sleeve led to the entire run being pulped. The section of the M25 (London orbital motorway) that runs between Potters bar and Waltham cross (Junctions 24 to 25) is built entirely on a foundation of pulped "Funk off and Diet" sleeves.
[edit] Fucktard
See Deloitte
[edit] Fudge
- a secret code word for fuck
- see Fuck
[edit] Fugg
FUGG is an acronym for Fat Ugly Gay Guy. There are many FUGGs in existence, all across the world, but the two most well-known and currently living within twenty minutes of each other in Wisconsin's Fox Valley. Their names cannot be revealed for strategic sheep purposes.
[edit] Fulax
Contrary to popular belief, this is not a rather disgusting act as told by the oh-so-learned don of the internet, urbandictionary.com. It is in fact the greek word for guard, used as follows:
"Oi, that fulax just stabbed me!"
"Fulax your face, I'm gonna punch you"
"Make sure that you wear a mouthfulax when playing rugby, otherwise you might get fulaxed"
[edit] Fully fitted kitten
A 'Fully fitted kitten' should, under no circumstances, be confused with a 'fully fitted kitchen'. There have been innumerable culinary fuck-ups as a result of this small oversight, particularly by marketing drones.
[edit] Fungi
All the ladies tell me that I'm a real fungi but they just want to be friends.
[edit] FUPA
Fat Upper Pussy Area, according to Bam Margera, a real genius in the modern world.
[edit] Fupaw
Fupaw - (Foo-PAW) n. (1) Acronym for "Front Upper Pubic Waistline", which is the bloated under belly (second stomach) on morbidly corpulant Americans. FuPaw is usually kept in check through the wearing of polyester stretchpants or lycra. In cases of chronic FuPaw, genitials can not be accessed by their operators. (2)(Vulagrism)n. Acronym for "Front Upper Pussy Area" on big sexy girls favored by chubby chasers. Also see More Cushion for the Pushin.
[edit] Fur
- Fur is the perverse fandom centring around the sexual attraction to the number four said with a southern accent.
- Used by rich men to woo women into having relations with them. 60% of the time, it works every time.
- Animals also wear fur... but not by choice.
- ROT13-encoded "she".
[edit] Furry fandom
An uncommon condition whereby overly obsessive fanatics ("fans") of Anime begin a process of unintended and highly unsightly bodily hair growth. This process is only germinated by Anime, and is not to be confused with puberty (a process which is related to real girls).Any one with this condition should be praised and kept secure
[edit] Future jokes
Future jokes are jokes which have invented time machines to travel to the present, in an attempt to be funny in another time.
See also: Stop me if you've heard this one.
[edit] Futurrency
All anonymous sources confirm that this new medium for international exchange will be based on smell, hence compensating for the most disparaged flaw in the currency instantiation (namely, money); a lack that was quite an obstacle to international understanding, since smell is the universal language of business.
