University of Nottingham Malaysia Campus

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Also known as The University of Nottingham in Malaysia Sdn Bhd, intended for confusion when making a bank draft to pay your fees. Situated in the heart of darkness, more than three hundred thousand centimeters from the village of Semenyih (really real name), the brand new campus built in the middle of the hills, and launched in 2005. The first batch of students in this new campus were the ones to suffer the worst.

Earlier than August 2005, and after 2001, all academic activities took place in a rented building in the heart of Kuala Lumpur, which wasn't a very impressive campus, but at least offered living among civilization.

[edit] Heroes

The place for Hello Kitty's and G.I. Joe's. Where Scorpion cars and Monkey-Brain is found. Cock-roach dinner and dog-meat for lunch is a delicacy in this wonderland. Bush lived here before the invasion of Iraq along with Saddam, who bore two beautiful children - bin laden and Hillary clit. Speech from the Great You-my-Notti-fatboy(National Hero)-After gambling with the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys who swung from the jungle branches waving their cute white flags, we ate their dogs and killed them. This mean we dont know what to do next. After we killed each other looking north or south, we then declared independence. Undercover G.I. Joe's say that Nottingham has launched nukes to Monash to win the WWE title for the best Notti land in town- FATboy. Fuck You la FATboy. Lancau babi pukimak lahanat gampang arrrr...

[edit] History

The University of Nottingham Malaysia Campus was the first purpose-built international campus other than the main UK campus. Purpose mainly is to suck students blood dry and commit daylight robbery on the parents. Officially starting in 2005 and costing a cool 120 million Ringgit Malaysia, this world-class facility is committed to producing UK standard graduates with international backgrounds in an "truly" Asian environment. Unfortunately, what they didn't realize was that our currency is 7 times smaller to UK currency, so charging the same amount is UK pounds would only produce beggars. Most Malaysians don't understand the word "international", and the only things "Asian" about the university is the god-forsaken Mamak vendors and the toilet cleanliness. Since opening, 2008 seems to be the most successful year, as the school almost has 2000+ suckers/students.

[edit] Facilities

Accommodation

Five accommodation halls misleadingly named after the famous beach islands of Malaysia namely Tioman, Langkawi, Redang, Pangkor and Kapas (yeah I know, cotton? *rolls eyes*) on one end of the campus, is where the new students are allowed to stay. Others have to live in the haunted and abandoned residential areas nearby, namely TTS2, TTS3, TTS4, TTS5, and unbelievably TTS6. The lucky ones (car owners) prefer to stay in Bandar Sunway Semenyih, about 15 minutes drive from the campus, provided that you are able to escape the perils of driving in Semenyih roads, but we’ll get to that later. With so many restaurants nearby, these lucky souls don’t have to rely on the cafeteria’s sorry excuse of outsourcing the cooking to foreign cooks. Accommodation is managed by Pioneer (also called Dracula) Century, which is a true Pioneer in overpricing. (Others stay in unknown tears in space called Pelangi, Bandar Rinching, Semenyih Central or Planet Hollywood)

On Campus Rooms

Each hall offers fully "furnished" (vandalized) bedrooms with an Internet point in every room. (Internet connection is available at a separate cost, which most can't afford). Accommodation fees range from approximately RM330 to RM600(!!!) per month, including electricity and water bills. The rental rates are as follows:

• Single Ensuite Bathroom with air-conditioning @ RM600 (For students with too much money or has absolutely disgusting bathroom habits)
• Single Shared Ensuite Bathroom @ RM440 (The lucky ones who have money)
• Single Shared Bathroom @ RM 410 (The ideal room, but hardly ever available)
• Twin Share in 6 Bedroom Flat @ RM385 (The less ideal room, but still bearable)
• Four Shared Bedroom @ RM330 (OMG...sleep on roadside better lah, brother......)

The halls are on a self-catering basis. Crockery, cutlery and pans are provided for light cooking, but to guarantee personal health, well-being and hygiene, it is recommended that you eat off the floor. Remember this is a HALAL campus, so no pet pigs allowed.

Off Campus Rooms

Each house is fully "furnished" with curtains, furniture, kitchen utensils and a TV (Whether the TV is working or even exist is not guaranteed). A gas tank is also available whereby students will have to pay for their own gas for committing suicide. Voice and Internet connection is available at a separate cost, which most can't afford.

There is security provided for these Halls including patrols at night, unless a robbery is taking place. A Warden is also staying nearby to make prank calls to and annoy the hell out off for midnight entertainment.

Rooms rates vary from area to area, pricing start from the most expensive:

Premium Room @ Edu Sq. (Ensuite bathroom) 26 m2-35m2 @ RM850 per student (RM450 per student if you wanna get romantic with someone. 'raise eyebrows')

to the cheapest:

Single room @ TTS2 (Downstairs), common bathroom, non air-conditioned @ RM330 per student

Computer Labs

Also known as TISCRAs 1, 2, 3 and ISCRAs 1, 2 and 3 (Again with the weird codes!) ,we have full of state of the art computes with 17" LCD monitors, which take only 10 minutes to log in, sometimes twenty! which take 2 minutes to login, and only the basic features of windows are disabled, like P2P, instant messaging on the desktop, YouTube-ing and so on. The alleged speed of the connection is 1Mbps (really meh?), but few have witnessed it, it's more like speed 1Mbps shared between the few hundred computers in the IT Center, which strangely have weird codes, like TR3010, when we don’t even have 3000 computers combined in the whole of campus. Or Semenyih for that matter.

Legend has it that there's only one guy in the University so far that hijacked the computer in such a way where he/she can login using his/her account name in less than 10seconds... And he can friggin store stuffs in it! (Make that two people...:hint:) Guess that's what you call a Nottingham student. The dark side of IT centre is torrenting, it is not impossible, but damn hard to do.

Hacking exposed (I feel bored, just let the cat out of the bag by now)
Login 10 secs using Novell Client (back when they still have not revert to M$) (by the legendary guy)
- Plug in external HDD with Windows XP.
- Boot from that external Windows XP (which will cause bootscreen, this is normal, and what I wanted).
- Restart the comp, unplug the HDD, you will arrive to a black screen where you can NOW choose between two partition to boot with (it doesn't really matter as both you choose will load the C:\ windows.
- Login the first time, and you'll get speedhack forever on that computer. You can even store stuffs in it.

Staff privilledge hack
- Use a live CD, boot into the partition, search for the current registry hive, and delete it.
- Reboot, and you will fail to load windows
- Boot using liveCD again, and access the backup folder where Novell stores all original backup files of the registry hive, and copy that and replace the one where you have previously deleted. - Reboot, and login.
- You shall have staff access.

But too bad all these hacks will not work as it's all running under M$ now not Novell... Ah the good ol' days. ;)

[eX]

Some legitimate adult content websites are blocked. Even the Holy Ground of Uncylcopedia is marked as an Adult Content Website. (not any more apparently) However, a certain known adult website is available (Read: http://meatspin.com) *wink* which is used as a prank on innocent students who leave their computers logged on when they go to the toilet in the midst of camping overnight for his unfinished lab report or assignment.

According to a lecturer, "The IT people don't use their time to work on their lagging systems or inefficient online resources but instead, spend the whole day blocking sites and making the students/staffs lives miserable".

Sports Centre

Consists of a 5 basketball / futsal / volleyball / cricket / sepak takraw / netball / paintball / skiing / (I think you get the idea) courts, a football pitch (neverrrrr ready for use), 2 badminton courts (which are always fully booked) and a kiddie swimming pool (5 ft max). 2 squash courts (1 working) and 2 brand new tennis courts. We also have 2 gym rooms with all kinds of equipments, including weights, benches, teadmills, stair steppers, that bicycle thingy etc. Sadly almost all of them are labeled “broken” so we pretty much just have the weights and treadmills.

According to the facilitator: "Do you want this place to be a decent sports center? Maybe when your kids are studying here lah"

Central Administration

The only building that actually looks nice, with a nice toilet seats to boot. All other buildings seem to have come out of an abstract painting. There’s a restaurant on the ground floor (in which the food never arrives early) which requires you to pay first before they send in your food.

Faculty Buildings

Labelled with colours red, blue, orange and purple (well at least its not called Mars or Neptune or some silly name like Dove or Don Freaky Ninny), they represent the faculty buildings for every school. For instance the engineering lecturers can be found in the Blue building, the engineering labs are in the Red building, and the engineering computer lab is in the Purple building (wait I’m starting to see a trend here), which leaves the business school students with nowhere else to roam besides the Orange building.

Student Administration

Called so because Unions are banned in Malaysia (citation needed). This building has, on the ground floor, the cafeteria, in-convenience store (Pioneer 'dracula' century comrades), the coffee shop, hair dressing saloon, and the traditional overpriced bookstore, which you have to wade through the piles of un-shelved books which are still in boxes to explore. On the first floor is the TV room (better known as sleeping room sometimes), 3 pool tables (momentarily free) with ONE cue stick each table, 2 foosball tables, a brand spanking new dance studio, a music room (which is basically an empty room partitioned with very thin walls), a meeting room with broken chairs and un-cushioned sofas lying around, and the offices of the Student Administration, and a big empty space filled with lots and lots of tables and chairs. There is also the careers office (which nobody visits unless they are about to graduate or looking for a summer job)

Cafeteria and Coffee Shop

The cafeteria is divided into four main parts, the Buffet, the Western, the Indian/Chinese, and the Drinks section. The buffet menu is chicken, beef, fish, rice and vegetarian dishes. Leftovers are recycled and re-cooked the next morning (especially the fish). The Western has some weird food, like egg burgers, sausage eggs, and chicken burgers. (Retards, do they even call that western? The foreign students are having a ball of a time insulting us!) The Indian stall sells Roti Canai (also known as Parota), roti egg, roti butter, roti sardin roti onion, roti sugar, and roti. The roti canai is said to be the best food in the cafeteria. Other than that they also sell chicken rice, which is set to rival the famous “kai-fan” in Semenyih town (Read: sarcasm). The drinks stall is the one which makes most money, by selling fruit flavoured water. They also charge 15% more for NOT adding ice, and for bestowing you the favour of a plastic cup, for takeaways. Canned drinks are also sell for 13% more than the usual price. Once in a while, in the evening, if you're lucky, you might catch a few rats running around. The coffee shop, is, for some reason, named Sunbucks (sounds familiar don’t you think?)

Toilets for the Disabled

It's always empty and wide and unused.

• Oh rly? Apparently there's so many retards that keep going in and out for god knows what reason, heck, even the Security Guards use it to wash their cups there*

Car Parks

As you might have already known, the campus is built in between some hills. With lots of greenery and flora and fauna (ducks to be specific), we never have enough space to accommodate our cars. Usually students have to result to parking their vehicles along the side of the road, which in turn turns it into a one way road, where accidents are bound to happen in turnings and turns, in which students take turns to turn their cars around (Refer to accidents). The double-yellow lines are always off limits to cars. Failure to do so will result in your car being clamped by the security guards. The fact that they’re not enough clamps to go around means that it will certainly be your unlucky day if you see your car being clamped. Or if your car happens to be yellow then you can take some time to gaze in awe of the matching colours. Or if your car happens to be a yellow sports car then you can ask your friend to take a picture of you trying to pull it off. Or if you happen to know the Head of Security you can just go up to him and ask for your car to be de-clamped.

• As of September 2008, those staying On Campus are NOT allowed to bring their cars to the university. Therefore, it is recommended that you park your car outside the university (somewhere is Semenyih or Broga would be good), in the lake, or don't drive and walk or use the shuttle service (walking might be faster).

Niggers

They smell like goat uuuuhhhh... There are also so noisy especially in sports centre, get in groups and bark like dogs.. Filthy really..

• IF you think that that's shitty... You should try seeing them bathing without locking the damn bathroom door!*

[edit] Surroundings

Built in the rain forest near the haunted abandoned residential area of TTS - Taman Tasik Semenyih, on Jalan Broga (Broga Road), between Semenyih and Broga. The single lane "highway" which snakes its way through the forest is unlit, and uninhabited. One of the thrills of living here is returning to the campus at night. Pioneer Century aims to inhabit this place again, by making students live in these areas. Hence every year you'd see new neighbours! Yay! If you like pubescent retards that is.

Semenyih Town

If you're lucky enough to avoid the herd of buffaloes passing through Jalan Broga everyday, rendering their faeces on the path, making daily forays to town a "slippery" affair. THEN you'll reach Semenyih, a small town which caters to the basic necessities of life, banks, food, shopping, etc well enough. Semenyih has only one fast food restaurant chain, KFC ( shut up fatties if you want your junk food go to Jusco Cheras Selatan and closer than Metro Kajang), which serves dehydrated fried chicken, and baby Zingers.

The only thing Semenyih has in abundance is car modding shops and restaurants. Ibrahim Maju is actually good.

Kajang

Kajang, a town about 8km from Semenyih and 13 from the campus, is the nearest place with a KTM Komuter (train) station. If you miss the bus from there, you need to pay 20 bucks just to get to the Campus. The taxi drivers, conveniently, dont have meters installed, so they can fix the price.

Cheras

A very Cheena place which is surprisingly close to semenyih, after you pass Sg.long that is. Good for two things, the pasar malam and the new Mall in Cheras selatan ( actually in balakong, but no glamour le) there you'd have the basic necessities like starbucks, mcdonalds and the what not most bimbos like to do.

Social Life

When students or fellow residents decide to go on a date, where else they go but the most happening and hype place in town : FAJAR. *faint*

Shopping

Instead of comparing the lastest seasons of Gucci or Prada, students are (inevitably) trained to compare prices of Econsave, Fajar, Mydin and Billion.

"Eh u know ah, milk in Fajar is cheaper, although fresh food in Econsave is cheaper. But then Econsave so dirty. Billion damn far leh....etc etc"