University of Tasmania
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“Oscar Wilde digs UTas chicks! Yeah, baby! Philanderism ahoy!”
~ Oscar Wilde on University of Tasmania
Contents |
[edit] For Readers Outside Tasmania
The University of Tasmania - better known as UTAS (University of Tasmania And... Something) - has three campuses within the state and none beyond. At least one of them is pointless, both in shape and purpose. This is largely due to the fact that nobody knows where it is. (Graduates have used the existence of this campus to theorize that there are actually many more campuses, and the Tasmanians simply aren't capable of seeing them. Exactly who's in these hidden campuses is anyone's guess.)
[edit] List of Famous And/Or Important People Who Have Graduated UTAS:
- Sengator Abbortss, is reputed to have learnt that UTAS existed
- Taz the looney tunes Tasmanian Devil, graduated with honours
- Nick Duigan and Andrew Hart, honourary degree in
Marine biologyFishing - Hoota and Snoz, well Snoz graduated and Hoota is still trying
- Jeff the Purple Wiggle, did it in his sleep
[edit] List of Famous And/Or Important People Who May Have Knowledge of Hidden Campuses:
- Burnie, who is known to be in the possession of countless shipping containers
- Harold Holt, thought to be a resident of a hidden campus since 1969 after taking 18 months to swim Bass Strait
- Azaria Chamberlain, last seen sleeping in a hidden campus with a tear in the flyscreen and Tasmanian Tiger paw prints nearby
[edit] For Readers Within Tasmania
- This heading is an example of optimism.
- Note: This section is now reasonable due to the Danish Invasion.
- A Danish translation is planned.
So, you're a Tasmanian with a computer, and an internet connection, and some kind of friend who can read. And you want to learn about UTAS and what it has to offer you! Well, let's get started.
As many have experienced, the University of Tasmania is a place to meet members of the opposite gender who refuse to have sex with you.
Also... no, that sums it up pretty well.
[edit] The Danish Invasion
In three weeks, Baker's Delight, home to the Danish, Breadroll and Twists (including the secretive tribe of Vegimite twists), huffed up on kittens will invade Tasmania, wresting control from Australia in one of the least-contested battles of all time. A brief stand was made at UTAS, however, as Tasmanians do not have waists, or legs on which to wear underwear, it swiftly went out of business.
