Unununium
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βThis shit also tastes pretty good.β
~ Oscar Wilde on Unununium
Unununium is the One-hundredth and eleventh (111) element on the alleged "periodic" table of "elements".
The reason behind the hahahahaha ridiculous use of the letter U stems from the element's discovery by a brilliant chemist. It was known as Funfunfunium until the Hamburgler stole the letter 'F' for his own sinister purpose. The element is largely useless except for an 11.1% chance of working as an incredibly strong Aphrodisiac. Otherwise, it simply emits a fatal radiation dosage.
According to the assholes at Wikipedia, some "chemists" (most likely terrorists in disguise) have named this element Roetgenium. If you want to read the evil Nazi propoganga on the so called development, feel free to bowse this article.
Unununium is also the village which Kickboxing is believed to have originated from.
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[edit] History of Unununium
Throughout history, Unununium has played interesting roles, notably:
Cyborg Hitler once attempted to utilize this element as an alternative power source when throwing the Jews into incinerators was considered "not cruel enough by today's genocidal standards."
Unununium was also once used as a powerful narcotic, making it the indirect creator of such disasters as the Smurfs and Wikipedia.
Unununium must also accept partial blame for the incompetent rescue of the flooded New Orleans, as "Whatever the heck this thing was supposed to be doing, it was either not doing it or taking vacation." The mysterious disappearance of several New Orlean Jews is currently being investigated.
[edit] The Future of Unununium
Unununium is a coinage metal, along with Copper, Silver, and Gold. Experts have thus decided that it is Unununium's unescapable destiny to become the next world currency, despite the fact that it is dangerously radioactive and has the nasty tendency to degrade to nothingness in seconds. For this reason it is suspected that Zimbabwe is already using it as a currency at this time. It was believed initially that its lethal and immaterial properties would end greed on Earth, but it appears that Bill Gates has surpassed all odds and has already amassed over 90% of the world's Unununium supply. The large tumors appearing at random intervals across his person do not appear to be bothering him.
[edit] Notes
Another interesting property of Unununium is caused by the extreme buildup of ones within it (i.e. 111). It carries three individual ones, which when multiplied together also equal one. In addition, if you add the three ones together (and then subtract two) you end up with a sum of one. Unununium is also one word, starts with one letter, and has won (one) 1st place in a battle of the elements one time. Because of this, Unununium appears to be the elementary personification of one in this one universe. As such, Unununium is often used in roughly one half of all binary substances and is the true source of the power found in The One ("Neo" is an anagram of "one") and the One Ring ("Sauron" is an anagram of "Anusor"). Why it manifests itself in two forms is unknown, but it should be recognized that 1+1=2.
