Urban Kayaking
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Urban kayaking is a mode of transportation, in which a kayak is fitted with wheels and used to traverse the steel and concrete jungles of urban civilization. Instead of the standard double-ended oar used for standard waterborne kayaks, an elongated rubberized pugil stick is used to propel the urban kayak.
[edit] Olympic Sport
A 1.0 mile racetrack zigzagging through the downtown of the host city is blocked off from public traffic, and the contestants race in their kayaks from one end to the other.
[edit] Extreme Urban kayaking
Extreme urban kayaking is similar to the Olympic version, except that the public is not blocked off from the event, but rather positively encouraged to attack, run over, maim, and in some cases throw live kittens at the competitors. Many contestants need exhaustive therapy for years after the race, but Oscar Wilde, widely regarded as the best of the best in this area, merely shrugged off the incessant attacks and plowed through the competition and public alike. Unfortunately, he was so high due to huffing his way through a whole bag of kittens that he failed to notice a grue on collision course with his wheeled kayak, which promptly ate him.
Oscar Wilde never extreme kayaked again.
[edit] History
James Earl Jones invented the urban kayak, when he was playing around at his night job at Taco Bell. He used straws and plastic cup lids to fashion wheels for a taco, and then folded an origami crash test dummy out of a used napkin to ride the makeshift proof-of-concept contraption. The rest was history. Jones went on to build an actual full-scale urban kayak and immediately went bankrupt, while his boss at Taco Bell sold the original taco-based model on eBay for 440,008,000 Canadian dollars (about 35 cents USD).
