Urine
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| NOT SAFE FOR WORK!! |
| The article you are looking at may not be work safe! | |
| If a boss or coworker saw this article, claim that it was spam and blame the IT guys. Otherwise, continue to read it until your lewd urges are satisfied. |
“A sailor when to PEE PEE PEE/To see what he could PEE PEE PEE/But all that he could PEE PEE PEE/Was the bottoms of the boat he was standing in//”
~ Oscar Wilde on Pee
“I want to pee on you!”
~ R.Kelly on Peeing
“Why does it hurt when I pee?”
~ Frank Zappa on Peeing
Urine, also known as Homemade Lemonade, Beggars Tea, The Quaint Soda and Hitlers Pride is a naturally-occurring form of ink used to write short phrases in snow or bathroom walls. It is also very nutritious if had in large quantities.
The question that plagued man for ever: Is pee pee one or two words?
Urine has some source of nutrition. Commonly used among hikers, George W. Bush, and Batman it is easily accessed from one self. Male mammals have the ability to aim this refreshing drink directly into their mouth.
Most urine could be found diluted in sewage, sea-water, or in that glass of water in your hand.
Some individuals in the video editing and production business, particularly Kiss fans, enjoy a refreshing splash of urine in their face from time to time.
Urine is also the main ingredient in the famous Lemon-Flavoured Snow-Cone made by the Abominable Snowman.
Urine is also a name for a finely tuned Russian violin, that happens to be filled with urine.
In France they are making urination a sport
Not a single person on this great planet of ours has not tried urinating, making it the most popular choice of activities second only to sleeping, and eating. Both. Whatever.
== How to pee == (does not apply for pooping)
Drink many cups of tea (if you don't like tea drink umm ... cups of someone else's pee if you know how see in section "How to drink pee"). 837 should do the trick. A can of Mountain Dew is proven to have the same effect. Just let it loose. The best place to urinate is on the wall, but most lawyers (If they are corrupt enough, except for a few hardcore purists (See: Ralph Nader) just do it whenever they want. Straighten up your genitals and relax. It should come out in a clear or yellow stream. Now that you have learned how to pee, you should learn how to poop...the natural follower of pee. Ages 7 and under, just whack it.
It is a popular part of porn to see naked women urinating and FUCKING. Perfectly child and work-safe. Just look at 'em go!
Components of Urinating
Urination is comprised of three main parts:
- Drinking, eating, or breathing of harmful foods and/or hazardous chemicals.
- Staring at a wall for what seems to be forever, waiting for your muscles to tighten up, expelling the waste products.
- Common usage of urinating is used in the phrase "Christopher Shyu, stop urinating on 4kids. They are trying their best."
Contents |
[edit] For Guys [and Messy girls]
It is very hard to get the pee into the toilet when it is dark. Many people recommend clipping a book light to your penis. Then when you have to piss just hit the button and turn it on. There you go, now you can see where your going and you won't get yelled at to clean up your mess. If you do make a mess the best way to remove pee from any surface is to rub the pee'd on area with peanut butter, pour on some coke, and rub thoroughly. Then use a cup to scoop up the soggy peanut butter and the pee stain will be gone! But just in case, you can always do a "favor" for who ever you live with and by them a nice rug for the bathroom and pray it dosn't smell.
[edit] Studies
After the skin has been stung by a jellyfish, it has been said that urine will immediately calm the sting. Another study shows that if exactly 125.2 gallons of pee are drank throughout the course of a year, time travel is common, and anticipated. Sometimes time machines will even appear right before your eyes after the pee is consumed. For every cup of pee that you drink, 27.4 years will be added to your life! Drink up kids.
[edit] How to drink pee
Now that you'd learn how to pee, learn how to DRINK PEE. It is easy. Ask someone to stand in front of you and you lie down. Open your mouth and let him fire! It is hard at first, but it is quite easy after a few practices. Recently, studies showed that drinking pee is good for your skin. The ammonia content makes your skin softer and more squishy. The more you drink, so much the better. Mixing pee with vodka or tonic is also a good idea. Remember when you want to have a tasty pee pee tonic, serve ice-cold. It's much more tasty than fresh-from-tap ones.
An excellent urine-based cocktail, known as the Excelsior, can be created with the following recipe:
3 oz. Dom Perignon, or other fine champagne
3 oz. single-malt scotch
2 oz. sherry
A dash of bitters
Combine all ingredients in a highball glass and consume. Then add crushed ice to the empty glass, wait one to two hours, and urinate into the glass. Consume.
Another great way to drink urine is as follows:
Mix 4 cups of pee [best if yellow] with 8oz of vodka. Then cum in the glass and stir gently. Add 2oz of spit, and 8grams of peanut butter. Then add 3 cups of toilet water. Drink up. I know it sounds gross, but try it. It is so goooodddd for more flavor have a friend add their pee or cum.
Where Does the Fricken Pee Come From? So you want to know where the pee comes from, I'm guessing if you're reading this. Well nobody knows for sure but we are guessing it comes from the peegina or the urinus. These are places that produce smelly, warm, yellow, suckulent water. And why does the liquid you drink turn yellow you may ask. Well because your body fricken stinks man. Sometimes I wonder why it doesn't turn the pee puke green or brown to gross you out even more!
[edit] The Magic of Yellow
The history behind urination, urine, peeing, pissing, and in some circles, "leaking" has a long-standing tradition of beauty, and most importantly, it is the source of all power in the universe. In 1492, when President Gerald W. Ford was first inaugurated, a small, flailing image of Oscar Wilde can clearly been hovering in the foreground, staring directly into the camera lens. He was wet.
Urinating in public places is another way of greeting people, and is especially polite if you "shake" in their direction. Urination can also be sexually enjoyable between people, peeing on other people can be seen as part of sex, while peeing on oneself maybe considered GoldenShower masturbation. Urine is also a common ingredient in "Lemon Snowcones", which is usually given to a drunk or "hammered person" who believes they are merely enjoying a lemon snowcone.
[edit] What Happens When Your Pee Turns Blue??
If your pee is blue, then WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?! Get to the emergency room, man!
when your urine turns blue it is the result of one thing. Excessive sexual involvement. It is necessary that you go to the emergency room and get your penis removed with a Swiss sword Miracle Knife, that all emergency rooms have equipped for such emergencies. If you live too far from a hospital you must drink gratuitous amounts of POWERTHURST, energy enough to make your babies run like kenyans!
[edit] Recycled Urine and Super Powers
Several Doctors bragging honorary degrees from "Happy Harry's Honorary Degree Emporium" have recently determined that super human strength, speed, and smell can be gained by recycling urine. One can recycle urine either by drinking urine, freebasing urine, or applying urine crystals directly to the body's pours. Dr. Steve claimed to have all the powers described above as a result of drinking his own urine. However, Dr. Steve died during testing of his theory regarding recycled urine and flight.
Urine is that yellow stuff many young and retarded people find on their bedsheets in the morning. If you suffer from this don't be alarmed you are just weird. Frank the hobo says that if you're wee is red you have cancer.
[edit] See Also
 This Bodily functions-related article is a stub. The article submitter may also have been pulling your leg... unless you are a stub as well. You can help Uncyclopedia by expanding it.
|
