User:ASHPD

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DANGER!!   Viewing or reading this page can be deadly ... or worse. 87,729 users are currently castrated, paralyzed, infected with Herpes, and/or disfigured for daring to see this page. If you just got here and are feeling dizzy due to losing a pint of blood from the stump where your arm used to be, please stumble away and call for help, then lay down in the gutter and pass out.

A S H P D
"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?"
Nationality	Antarctica
Gender	Male
Age	Immortal
Occupation	Classified Top-Secret
Car	2009 Nissan Murano SUV
Wife	Rachael Cordingley
Mistresses	Lucy Pinder, Sheena Lee, Monica Leigh, Kayleigh Pearson.
Children	Too many to count.

This user worships the almighty sex goddess Rachael Cordingley and has continually combusted from multiple sex drive overloads.

This user is an evil clone of ASHPD.

This user is a mutant.

This user is a paladin. Hide your demons and undead.

This user is a Sniper and has his/her rifle pointing at your head.

MERC This user is a Mercenary and chooses their own wars to fight in.

IP This person's IP is 127.0.0.1.

999+ This user has over 999 edits.

THIS IS SPARTA!

This user seeks adoption by an experienced editor. (Users offering adoption)

This user has been adopted by MrN9000.

This user is NOT an administrator yet and messing with him would result in a ban in the near future.

This user is a Communist & is working on their Lenin mustache! ☭

This user is a member of the Uncyclopedia Departure of Fun.

This user does not have a user page at Wikipedia because he or she thinks that they take things way too seriously over there. Also, general lack of your-mom jokes rampant

This user is a Registered User and they can upload images and move pages, whoopdie freakin doo.

AAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA AAAAAAA AAAAAAA!!!

NO This user doesn't care.

ow-3 This user has already read all of Oscar Wilde's works. Twice. And has his picture over his bed.

bu-N This user is a native speaker of Bullet and can fire high-caliber rounds in full-automatic mode.

bs-0 This user does not understand Bullsh!t and hates people that speak it because they're all annoying foreigners.

This *bleep* user likes to *bleep* the use of *bleep* *bleep* profanity *bleep*

This user uses Windows because he or she can't get enough of your lover.

This user is a Mac User. Eat up. (List of Mac-Using Uncyclopedians)

ASHPD is an UnTunes contributor. Hearing protection should always be worn within fifty yards of them.

This user loves pi

Do not read this article. YOU MUST NOT READ IT! Please discontinue reading this article. This page is TOP-SECRET by the Law of section 3.14, page 3, line 14, third word to fourteenth word. For every sentence in this article that you read, A random FBI agent randomly shoots an innocent civilian. Why are you still reading this? Stop! Do you truly believe that it is worth your valuable time? Do you think it will have any content that has to do with you? If that is what you believe, then you may be an idiot. Thus, stop reading this article that is completely nothing to do with you and I highly recommend you to do something else. Why are you still reading? I give up!

“ASHPD is like me, but not like me...”

~ Oscar Wilde on "like Wilde"?

“In ASHPDpedia, Information finds YOU!”

~ ASHPD on ASHPDpedia.

“ASHPD is all about ASHPD.”

~ ASHPD on ASHPD

[edit] What is ASHPD

ASHPD's lovely hot wife, Rachael Cordingley. DO NOT TOUCH!

Nobody knows what ASHPD really is.

This User is too Damn Sexy! If you saw this user it's possible that you might fall to the ground and worship him/her, or spontaneously combust from a sex drive overload.

The only details we collated from everywhere and here are the findings:

- ASHPD contains X & y chromosomes, therefore he is Male.

- ASHPD always says that he is in Antarctica.

- ASHPD has one of the Heroes genes identified in him, the ability of "RAPID UNCYCLOPEDIA REGENERATION"

- ASHPD is a babe magnet. Rumours has it it may be a new Heroes ability.

- He has a lover, Rachael Cordingley and married after she won Miss Maxin UK 2007...and live laugh happily ever after.

- ASHPD also had deep relationships with a few other great ladies, Lucy Pinder, Sheena Lee, Monica Leigh and Kayleigh Pearson. He decide to make them his mistresses. And they make his babies, countless babies.

Began the ASHPD empire has. Behold the Age of ASHPD.

[edit] ASHPD Could Stand for...

Definitely Wrong:

• Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device
• Aromatic Special Harry Potter's Dish

Possibilities:

• A Stupid Horny Pervertic Dork
• Absolutely Soooo Hanky Panky Documentary
• Adrenalined-pumped Super Hardcore Pornographic Degree-holder
• Acidic Sulfuric Hydrogenated Potassium Dynamite
• A-Star Honored P.h.D.
• Aaaaaaaaa S.H.i.t... Problematic Digger
• Another Smelly Hippo Potamus's Dung
• A Special Hentai-Pornographic Documentary

Most Relevant Answer:

• Almighty Super Highly Powerful Dude.

[edit] Rachael Cordingley

Rachael Cordingley has the ability to mess with your sex drives.

“The queen of all brunettes, my dear Rachael!”

~ ASHPD on his wife

Sizzle! An eye. A beach. Nice bum. A voluptuous figure. A bird flies past. A passer-by n00b jerking off behind a coconut tree. The tanned sexy figure stands up, brushing the sand on her awesome boobs, struggling to put back on her bikini. She is Rachael Cordingley.

Rachael Cordingley, born somewhere on in the solar system, a little near the sun, further down, within Planet Venus, um, somewhere within Venus.

She loves champagne and sex on the beach cocktail (mmm mmm!), and very good vodka drinker, though that does not qualify her to be a communist.

Anyways, her first romantic date was with an awesome guy call ASHPD.

The couple flown to a secluded beach somewhere on his private bi-plane. Somewhere exotic and supposedly isolated, and were about to explore one another, until they realised that they were invaded by Lost (TV series) crew members.

What truly impress Rachael was that ASHPD was able to be ASHPD himself able to endure and have a laugh with her pile of lame jokes such as for example: "Why is the sky blue? Because it's not green. Ha ha ha ha..."

<_< <_< <_<

For that, ASHPD was able to marry her and they live laugh happily ever after with the pile of unfunnny lame jokes. Ha ha ha ha.

[edit] ASHPD's Wife Great Photoshoots

In UK Liverpool, Vodka Drinks Rachael! Notice she can drink with her nose. That's a special ability.	Another special technique Rachael demostrates on how to drink from a bottle of Vodka by drinking droplets of Vodka from midair!	"YOU'VE BEEN BOOBGRABBED!" Have you not?	Rachael is curious to know what's behind the wall. Careful!
She likes me, I know.	The awesome shot of all awesomeness. This controversial photoshot has been rumored to overclocked 6,360,849 males' sex drives.

[edit] 21st Dec 2012A.D.

The Mayan Sixth World begins in 2012, after having been Fucking Killed by <insert name here>. Their Fifth World ended in 1987, also Fucking Kilked by <insert name here>. Astonishingly, this is not a joke, although it does seem to present a slight flaw in their calculations by quietly skimming over 25 years of existence and not mentioning <insert name here> role in the Apocalypse. The Sixth World is apparently blank, and begins at the end of the Mayan Long Count, which some have interpreted as the end of the world.

[edit] ASHPD Involved?

Yes ASHPD will be involved in changing the course of this EPIC event.

After coming back on the eve of the apocalypse, which is probably 20th Dec 2012A.D., this is a checklist of things to do:

• Have non stop love making session with his wife.

• Kill Bush.

• Kill all communists.

• Kill all mothafuckers.

• Do the "Yatta!" thing but freezing time, and reversing time if something screws up.

• Indeed the above plan is screwed, what's the point of killing those individuals knowing the world is gonna end and they are gonna die?

• Teleport back to 20th Dec 2012A.D.

• Have non stop love making session with his wife.

• Do the "Yatta!" thing and teleport to the beginning of time, and start ll over with his lovely wife.

• Point a middle finger before leaving and shout "Hasta la vista, losers!"

[edit] Consequences

It'll be learned after analyzing the facts.

• Upon reaching his destination at the beginning of time, Rachael became pregnant and gave birth to two sons.

• One of the sons killed his brother.

• ASHPD and Rachael turned out to be the bibilical Adam and Eve.

• ASHPD turned out to be his own great grandfather, and father of this hopeless human race!

• Rachael turned out to be his own great grandmother, and mother of the human race!

[edit] Contributions

• Command & Conquer

“Unfortunately, no one can be told what Command & Conquer is. You have to see it for yourself.”

~ Morpheus on Command & Conquer

The Command and Conquer series began in 1995 with the first game Command and Conquer which was originally designed as a training program for the U.S. and A. Military after a series of misprints in an offical CIA document. The document detailed an obscure cult who called themselves the Brotherhood of God. This was misstyped as the Brotherhood of Nod. In addition the estimated membership was misprinted as 110,000 when it was in fact 11. Finally the status of the groups armaments was mistyped from 'none' to 'nuclear'. This understandably resulted in a rather frantic panic within American military leadership who was suddenly convinced that the U.S. and A. was about to come under attack from a cult composed of heavily armed troops with nuclear capability. Therefore they commissioned an emergency military training program. When the mistake was revealed and the appropriate people fired the CIA was left with a rather expensive computer program that was no use. So after some subtle changes the program was sold as the computer game known as "Command and Conquer". Much to the surprise of the CIA who just wanted to recoup their losses the game was a smash success and Westwood Studios the dummy company which was set up to market the game to the public had to be established as a proper company in order to create the demanded sequels.

• Command + Conquer 3: Tiberium Warts

“...The advantages of speed and all-terrain navigation were balanced by sky-high costs, poor reliability, damage incurred during “ground strikes” whenever the...”

~ Mike Verdu Executive Producer of C+C3 on expensive and unreliable speech

STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION

• Command & Conquer 3: Kane's Waffles

"PREPARE... FOR CASTRATION!"

~ Kane on Castration

• Command & Conquer 3: Boyle's Vengeance

“Boyle's Vengeance. It works everytime!”

~ Billy Dee Williams on promoting Colt 45 C&C3: Boyle's Vengeance

• Command & Conquer: READ AL3RT E

“In R3RD AL3RT E, Communists pwns YOU!”

~ Russian Reversal on READ AL3RT E

Command & Conquer: Read Alert 3 was originally planned a spinoff game to the popular Chuck Norris game series. Due to multiple failures of producing good fun and consistent games in the Command & Conquer franchise, Electronic Arts decides to make major changes to the direction of their unique story telling. On March 2008, Electronic Arts announced that this sequel will turn from a video game to a first experimental television show, featured on their newly experimental 2009's EATV (Electronic Arts TeleVision).

C&C:RA3, unlike the rest of the series, this time round, it has absolutely nothing to do with Chuck Norris, but rather a "what if…" saga (a cross between Marvel’s comic rip-off idea of “what if…” alternate storylines and a parody of "time travel" films), a desperate attempt to compete against popular media stations' shows such as NBC's Reality TV series known as Heroes.

The events of C&C:RA3 will take place after the events in Read Alert 2 and Urine’s Revenge, and may be considered canon to the overarching storyline.

MSPaint Ninjastar I have never seen such photoshoping skills in my life, you are a natural. –Nekami

This user is on vacation, sabbatical, administrative leave, or is otherwise goofing off with the knowledge and/or consent of the Admins. Or, more likely, they've buggered off without saying boo to anyone. Their expected return date is 21st Dec 2012A.D.. If you're lonely, or you miss them, leave a message.