User:EugeneKay/HowTo:Masturbate

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This is a Radial Engine. It should give you a basic idea of what to do. You know, up and down.

This is a Wankel Rotary Engine. It should give you a basic idea of what to do. Around and around.

“Ahh.... That was good”

~ Chuck Norris on Masturbating

First of all, you guys are obvious pervs. You actually went to a page saying How To Masturbate, but I wrote this so you can call me Perverted. Now to the real stuff.Proper Masturbation is a skill that few people on this world possess, while many claim to have. It is known by a variety of names, including Wanking, Fapping, Wholsesale Kitten Murder, and The Great British Pastime. Here we seek to provide a sort of gentleman's guide to Masturbation.

For more on the history of masturbation, see this entry on the subject

[edit] Location, Location, Location

First and foremost in having a successful masturbation session is the selection of a location. While many argue that a public phone booth is sufficient cover for such an act, many would deeply disagree. As such, a private room, preferably one belonging to the soon-to-be-masturbator, is much preferred. A bedroom with a locking door will suffice for most purposes. A common choice is a voting booth, which explains a lot of things.

[edit] Equipment

As this is primarily a male-oriented guide, women are advised to seek help elsewhere. Now, then. The major requirement to continue is a Penis. If you do not have one, or do not know what one looks like, please re-read this paragraph from the beginning. Second in importance, in the interest of comfort, is a product known as lube. It is advised to purchase this in copious quantities, so as to prevent an accident further down the road.

[edit] Methodology

Ok. Let's get to the good stuff. Get in the shower and get all wet. You could use either soap or conditioner, either works. Soap is recommended by most. Now, once your hands are nice and lubed, give it a whirl (WARNING- This technique results in quick cumming. It does feel the best, however.).

Another one. This one is dry. Make your Penis nice and smooth by pulling the skin towards the base. Then make a ring with your thumb and index finger. Up and down, baby. Up and down! Well, that is the beginners guide to fun.

[edit] Demonstration

Now, to the Demonstration! It's all quite simple, really. Just grab hold, give it a light je-