User:ForestAngel/Dirty Potter

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	Dirty Potter (file info)
	Dirty, dirty magician boy, ejaculating all over the place. Presented in Dolby. Where available.

“I do believe I get killed by Snape”

~ Albus Dumbledore on Snape Kills Dumbledore

“Faggots!”

~ Snape on Dirty Potter

“Ron Weasley has the shortest refractory period known to man”

~ Oscar Wilde on Dirty Potter

Dirty Potter: Harry Potter and the Snape Kills Dumbledore is a new version of Harry Potter created by Jackmehoffer Video. Listening to the book on tape, he noticed that the phrase "Ron ejaculated" appeared here and there, referring to a way he said something (i.e. "Wow! We won the Quidditch match!" Ron then ejaculated.). The original "Dirty Potter" was a random chapter in the book on tape, edited with the phrase "Ron ejaculated" interjected every few seconds. Later, being bored, he decided to insert even more funny lines that could be construed into random sexual phrases. After months of hard work, and friends joining in, he ended up with the present version of "Dirty Potter." Today it stands out as one of the best books on adult entertainment and barely-legal porn.

Contents 1 Revelations 2 Anal Ejaculation 3 The Blaxploitation Conspiracy 4 The Story, aka Ghey pr0n 5 The Ending

[edit] Revelations

We discover that Hermione Granger is not only into coprophilia, but she is also a squirter. Her hair is also a magnet for cum and pubic hair. Harry Potter is also noted for being the school pimp by using his 'magic' to have sex with every girl that had ever attended the school, occasionally screwing up and having Ron begging for his 'wand'. We also discover the reason why Dumbledore favored Harry so much. He pays Harry to enchant moogle super-models to suck on Dumbledore's own 'magic wand' while he tries to take a dump through his hemorrhoids which to him is long and hard. Nobody is surprised however, since everyone knows about moogle-wizard relationships and how they never work out. In reality the closest relation the two sides of the wall can have are as friends with benefits. Malfoy and Snape, however, are the schools biggest fags. In a hazing session, Malfoy was stuffed into a miniature tutu and was encouraged to give Snape a blowjob. Despite this Snape ates himself because he is homophobic, since he calls himself "The world's biggest faggot." Finally it is revealed that Hermione is a slut, giving any guy she can find a 69 just for a couple of bucks. From this she is the reason for the spread of all STDs. Ron should not be noted, however, because he ejaculates so much that he has nothing to spare for the actual excitement.

[edit] Anal Ejaculation

To ejaculate through the butt, Ron's penis must be tugged on very hard to extricate his sperm. Confirming the conspiracy theory, Harry can even smell badonkadonk and fried chicken, along with black ass. This causes him to ejaculate. Ron also apparently has the power to ejaculate through his butt, but only with Dumbledore watching him, and only while sucking up his farty cum. Hermione and Harry also like farty cum, and are strong advocates of "anal ejaculation."

[edit] The Blaxploitation Conspiracy

Not only is Professor Umbridge the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, she also teaches how to use "cunt wart" spells, which are used against the blacks. Later, we discover that this course is a conspiracy and designed by the people whom the spells are supposed to protect against.

[edit] The Story, aka Ghey pr0n

Ron had already ejaculated when a sudden epidemic of constipation spread throughout the school, most likely by Ron's brothers Fred and George. Ron, is somehow immune. Ron likes to call himself an "ugly little man" and still needs to be weaned from his mother. Umbridge and Hermione reverse bukkake on Ron. With his infamously short refractory period, Ron jerks off to this and cums everywhere almost immediately. Harry, of course, is still being fucked from behind by Dumbledore. But when he finally came, he needed someone to pee on. He decides to perform a golden shower on Hermione while she smokes some weed.

To the delight of yaoi fangirls, Snape snogs with Dumbledore (hot strong love) before killing him. Professor Umbridge, performing a similar stunt to Tubgirl, teaches classes on fisting. Hermione has a crush on Umbridge, and is into tossing the salad of herpes and HPV-infected anuses.

Ron, being very upset about Snape killing Dumbledore, yells it as much as he can. He is extremely flexible; he has the ability to perform autofellatio, like Ron Jeremy.

Ron is jerking off again, and decides to use both hands, standing up, and, being into S/M, squashes his penis. Due to a powerful magic spell, he ejaculates deliciously rich and creamy egg nog. He offers it up to the gang with a hearty "Who wants eggnog?" Umbridge, being the fat bitch she is, wants some and knows that the best egg nog is fresh from the testes.

Hermione, with cum in her hair, is eased by Snape's golden shower. Of course, with all this homosexual action (and the yaoi fangirls sopping wet), there is some question to Harry's sexuality. He tries to clear it up that he's not doing it for teh seX0rs and is actually completely straight. But Snape doesn't believe him, what with the fact that at the same time he's telling this to Snape, Harry is swallowing Ron's bloody cum; he pays no attention to Umbridge squirting. To prove to Snape that he isn't gay, he fists Hermione. Hermione, shocked by this, becomes lesbian and goes off men forever. Harry just fists her again, bringing her back.

By now, the room is filled with gallons of farty cum, bubly and pulsating. Harry has trouble teabagging Dumbledore's larger than normal ballsack. Hermione then brags to Harry about how she packed her fudge, and now was sucking on it. Bored, annoyed, and jealous of the fact that Hermione has more shit than him, (what with the constipation spell), he starts to pound her fudge in retaliation. At the mention of his death, Dumbledore gets a hard-on.

Ron, meanwhile, cums yet again while Umbridge takes roll. She's quite exhausted after such a huge orgy. She argues with another student named Tit Thomas about the blaxploitation conspiracy, annoyed at Ron's moaning, while he ejaculates AGAIN; this time in Hermione's hair. Harry is very attracted to Dumbledore and has a corpse fetish. Touching Dumbledore's boner, Umbridge is jealous of all the attention that he's getting and decides to goatse. She wanted to make a rosebutt, but she needed someone to take all the shit out first. Hermione drew the shortest straw. Umbridge lost her grip, and Ron started to jerk off again, leaving Umbridge's anus clasped around her elbow. Ron and Harry were set with the task of re-goatse-ing her asshole. When Hermione's arm was free, she was clutching in her fingers something that resembled the Uncyclopedia symbol: "the ugliest shit she had ever seen; like a potato and rather hairy." Ron thinks this is the most arousing thing he's seen this whole chapter, except when Umbridge did her Tubgirl impression. It causes him to ejaculate. Umbridge LOLs, a nasty LOL at that.

[edit] The Ending

Of course, just like the conspiracy, the extremely fat blacks invade the school and rape all the 10 year olds, which Harry is very upset about. He chokes on Hermione's herpes-infected asshole. Unlike the popular belief that Ron is attracted to Hermione, he is actually repulsed by her slightly damp, moldy-smelling bush, probably from the herpes. She tossed one too many salads. There is then a flaming gay explosion at the end.

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