User:Jesusfreak
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The Jee Man Himself has Shown, in His infinite Wisdom, that He is the Ultimate Purveyor of all things Awesome, Nifty, Spiffy, and generally Interesting. He has personally Reviewed this article and Given His Blessing. The submitter may be Forgiven three venial sins or one mortal sin.
 | BLASPHEMY!!! God has declared this article blasphemous. The article shall be deleted, and it's author shall be smitten immediately. Thus spaketh the Lord. Please do something about this before we have to bring out...the Cumfy Chair! |
| ||
| Date of birth: | 7/9/91 (or 107) | |
| Place of birth: | Heaven (a.k.a. The Emerald City, baby) | |
| Nationality: | European | |
| Known for | His _____________ (fill in the blanks) | |
|---|---|---|
| Occupation | Rebel | |
| Religion | Christianity/Star Wars | |
| Spouse | Single...for now | |
| Children | What about them? | |
| This user is American ...and unabashedly proud of it! (List of American Uncyclopedians) |
| This user is Irish ...to be sure, to be sure. (List of Irish Uncyclopedians) |
 This user enjoys staring at spinning objects.
They may be afflicted with Attention Deficit look at the birdie!. |
“Dude, wtf???”
~ Ben Hodges
“That's what she said!”
~ Jon's response to Ben
“Don't make me come down there!”
~ God
Contents |
[edit] Me
I'm Bill Cosby, but most people just call me Jon Willingham for some reason. Don't ask me why.
“To be old and wise you must first me young and stupid”
~ Some guy
“Oh don't rub it in!”
~ Me
I live in Kennewick, Washington (as in the state...of mind) Kennewick is a city that is on the south side of the Columbia River, write across from "Little Mexico" (a.k.a. Pasco). Everybody says that their high school is the best, but they're all wrong...unless they go to Southridge.
“SHS rocks!”
~ Me
“Amen child!”
~ God
See, even God says so!
[edit] Video Game Mode (don't ask why)
*Jon da Man has entered the game*
*Th4t_1_guy has entered the game*
*Yahweh has entered the game*
Jon da Man: Hey, im gonna go 2 Kennewick
Th4t_1_guy: sweet, me2
*Jon da Man has moved*
Jon da Man: crap
*Jon da Man has joined Southridge*
*Th4t_1_guy has joined Kennewick*
Th4t_1_guy: wtf?!? shs sux
Jon da Man: stfu. kehs sux.
Th4t_1_guy: u suk
Jon da Man: its on!
*Yahweh has joined Southridge*
Th4t_1_guy: ???
Yahweh: take thiz, n00b
*Yahweh has struck Th4t_1_guy*
*896 damage to Th4t_1_guy. A critical hit*
*Yahweh has killed Th4t_1_guy*
Yahweh: PWN3D!!!
Th4t_1_guy: shoot, you're good Yahweh
Jon da Man: thatz rite, dont u dare mess wit mi man Yahweh here, he'll strike u down in a sp lit 2nd, rite in teh blink of an i. SNAP, bam, pwn3d.
Yahweh: sure, we'll go with that.
*Southridge has won the game!*
[edit] Random Picutes
Just a little disclaimer, in my world, wtf doesn't stand for "what the fuck", it stands for "what the frick". What now?
[edit] My Philosophy About Demons Girls
My philosophy about girls is a well known fact that girls can be broken down mathematically, using the following:
We all know that girls require time and money:
- Girls = Time * Money
And since we all know time is money…
- Time = Money
Therefore:
- Girls = Money * Money or (Money)²
And because the love of money is the root of all evil:
- Money = √Evil
Therefore:
- Girls = (√Evil)²
Since a square root squared cancels out, we are forced to conclude that:
- Girls = Evil
“Women, you can't live with 'em and you can't shoot 'em!”
~ My dad
[edit] A Little Bit More About Me
Now, just little bit about me and my beginnings. I was born in Seattle, Washington in U.S.andA (true story). When I was only knee high to a grasshopper (still am!), I was sold to a loving family in Russia. These folks taught me all I know, especially about evil death trap Communism.
Popular belief in U.S.andA. is that when Czar Nicolas die, Communist party lead by Lenin come to power. This true, but when Lenin die, most American peoples believe that Josef Stalin come to power, but this not true, the one who really come to power in Glorious Empire was in fact, me.
Under my control leadership, Russia undergo glorious era. We make vast improvements. We sign peace treaty with ***holes Germany, we make huge empire, we exploit worker and force people to build build great and glorious monument. People of Soviet Russia very happy under my leadership.
Then, in late '30s, Josef Stalin (***hole!) overthrow me in bloody revolution (technically Russian people call it "coup", but it was really a revolution). Stalin take my glorious empire and completely corrupt and twist it. Under Stalin, glory of Mother Russia never same.
When Satan overthrow me, I flee to Germany. After war, Russia take over East Germany. I flee again, to Iceland, but it was so cold there that I flee again to U.S.andA. where I live ever since. I currently am one of best generals in the Southridge Army, and proud of it.
[edit] Articles Write by Me
- Battle of the Alamo
- Battle of Little Bighorn
- Clone-Communist War
- Texas War of Independence
- Ghettoistan
- American Civil War:The Board Game (coming soon)
- 2002 Bloodbath World Cup
- Kennewick War
- BLASPHEMY!!! (template)
- 2008 UEFA Bloodbath Euro Championships
- German-Scandanavian War (still under construction)
| Member of the Order of Uncyclopedia This person has successfully registered on Uncyclopedia. They should be proud of themselves for making such a smart move. |
