User:Jokermage/Toshio Maeda
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“I may be drunk, madam, but your face would scare the likes of Mr. Maeda away!”
~ Winston Churchill on Toshio Maeda
“Prime Minister, I served with Toshio Maeda, I know Toshio Maeda, Toshio Maeda is a friend of mine. Prime Minister, you are no Toshio Maeda!”
~ Lloyd Bentsen on Winston Churchill
Toshio Maeda, known as Made-a Oo-Shit in formal Japanese and Theo O. Adams I in Amerikan-Japanese, is the Japanese National Hero who invented Hentai. Because the invention of Hentai saved a dying Japanese economy after World War II, Maeda was named "Dictator-for-Life" of the Japanese Treasury and National Bank.
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[edit] Early Life
“In Soviet Russia, YOU rape tentacles!”
~ Russian Reversal on Toshio Maeda
Maeda, defying expectations, was born of a Japanese father and a tentacle monster mother. Because of this unique heritage, he was worshipped by the children of tentacle monster fathers and Japanese mothers. His almost totally human form led him to be trained from an early age to be an ambassador to humankind.
[edit] Invention of Hentai
“The parts with the tentacles are disturbing, yet I want more.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Toshio Maeda
Maeda's first attempt to bring a message of peace and love to humans from the tentacle monsters was met with derision and scorn. In order to bond with the humans, he wrote the semi-biographical graphic stories Urotsukidoji and La Blue Girl, which are regarded as the first hentai.
While these works were largely ignored by the general public, the Brotherhood of Strange Zealots had embraced the stories and raised Maeda to a patron saint. Within the Brotherhood's underground economy, hentai currency quickly replaced barter as the method of exchange. When the Japanese Zaibatsus noticed the growth of the Otaku economy, they hired Maeda to oversee economic reforms.
[edit] Japanese Economy
Prior to Maeda's reforms, the Japanese economy was based on rice and seppuku. The major problem with this system was that workers who earned seppuku would shortly stop producing rice, causing recession. Maeda's first reform was to replace seppuku with hentai. This simple change created a massive upturn in productivity and worker morale. The end result was record growth in the economy, especially in sales of hand lotion.
Not all sectors of the economy saw this as a good thing. Many sword makers and blood cleaners went bankrupt before they were able to branch out into self-defense equipment and semen cleaners repectively. None the less, Maeda became a national hero almost over night and was named Dictator-for-Life of the Treasury and National Bank within a year.
[edit] Controversy
Maeda generated conversy when he converted from Otakuism to Lovecraftianism. Some branches Lovecraftianism advocate for the racial superiority of tentacle monsters. Although Maeda claims to not be a member of those branches, several of his Otakuist supporters have broken off relations with him.
[edit] Other work
“There are perverts, damn perverts and Toshio Maeda.”
~ Mark Twain on Toshio Maeda
Maeda is sometimes claimed to be a baseball player, but that is a statistic.
