User:Mashedpotatowithsomegravy

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Hello world! I am mashedpotatowithsomegravy. I shall now eat myself!

• Calculus and Alcohol don't mix. Please don't drink and derive.
• Ancient Egyptians worshipped cats. Cats never forgot it.
• Hire a teenager while they still know it all.
• Pick another fortune cookie.
• Between two evils always pick the one you haven't tried.
• Do *NOT* look into laser with remaining eyeball.
• Be nice to your children, they are going to choose your nursing home.
• Experience is something you get after you need it.
• Never do today what you can delegate tomorrow.
• Just remember, being dead is no excuse for missing school
• Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler.
• The beauty of a pun is in the argh of the beholder.
• In case of fire, do not use elevators... Use water.
• Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
• Never anger a dragon, for thou art crunchy and go well with Brie.
• God said "Let Chandrasekhar be"... and all had it's limits.
• Children are treasures ... so bury them in the backyard.
• Always address your elders with respect; they could leave you a fortune.
• A husband is a man who lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness.
• Good gun control is when you hit what you were aiming at.
• If your Sex-Ed teacher flunked you, kick her in the nuts!
• Many a woman borrows a man's heart; very few could possess it.
• Quality, Price, Service..., pick any two.
• No problem is so big you can't run away from it.
• Eagles may fly but weasels aren't sucked into jets.
• A barking dog never bites... while he's barking.
• No man is complete until he marries. Then he's finished!
• A sadist is a person who is kind to a masochist.
• Many are called, few are chosen. Fewer still get to do the choosing.
• The female of the species is more deadly than the male.
• Many are called, few are chosen. Fewer still get to do the choosing.
• A pessimist is a well informed optimist.
• You were young and foolish once. Now you're no longer young.
• Prince Charming Lied.
• Men play the game; women know the score.
• May your children be so famous every policeman knows them.
• Keep London tidy, eat a pigeon.
• A skeptic is a person who would ask God for his ID card.
• No problem is so big you can't run away from it.
• If your Sex-Ed teacher flunked you, kick her in the nuts!
• A banker will lend you money only if you can prove you don't need it.
• It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
• Remember, don't throw crushed hamsters outside in your garden, unless you want tulips from hamster jam.
• Good gun control is when you hit what you were aiming at.
• Quality, Price, Service..., pick any two.
• Insomnia cures snoring.
• A hundred thousand lemmings can't all be wrong.
• It behooves us to avoid archaisms.
• Cannibals aren't vegetarians, they're humanitarians.
• Vote for "NONE of the ABOVE"
• Self made men have one common problem: they worship their maker.
• Diversity is God's way of amusing herself.
• Death takes its toll. Please have exact change ready.
• Money can't buy happiness, but allows a choice of misery.
• TEMPLATES!