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Falwellapedia has over 10,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including exactly 66 canonical texts. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 171,699 reversions of heretical edits.
Jerry's Daily Sermon:
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."
Crossfire (17 May 1997)
Daily Historical Falwell Quote:
"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."
On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)
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Today's featured article
 You can watch Uncyclopedia, but you aren't allowed to shag the sheep.
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You were banninated due to the following reasons:
Sockpuppeteering, and excessive throwing of hissy fits - sentenced to one week to become sane again, JeffArch. If that's possible. (more...)
Yesterday's featured article
When one intends to rob a bank, the best plan is to have a plan. It's like those alliterating bastards always say, proper planning prevents piss poor productivity. As such, plan on having a plan. Make sure this plan you plan is planned well, unless you plan on planning some jail time, too. The best plan of them all, however, is not for the faint of heart. It is as illegal as it is dangerous, and would lower your societal position to new depths. You'd be lower than an adulterer. Lower than a murderer. Lower than the rapingest rapist ever to rape a rapee. Lower than the economy. Lower than the moral sensitivity of that guy in the mental institution. However, you'd be fucking richer than those guys on Wall Street, so get in there and rob a bank with your penis. (more...)
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Breaking News
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 "You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, resurrected hands." |
On this day...
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October 13: International Paranoia Day
 - 54 - Claudius, Roman Emperor (b. 10 BC) is assassinated by the C.I.A. Historians say this is impossible because the C.I.A. wasn't in existence yet... which is exactly what the C.I.A. would like to have you believe.
- 1792 - Cornerstone laid for the White House. Who lays stones? Masons. What organization did the masons start? Freemasons. Do I need to spell the rest out for you people?
- 1835 - Nothing of historical significance happened on this day in history... or so the Illuminati would have us believe.
- 1937 - Aviation pioneer Igor Sikorsky has a bunch of unpainted helicopters sitting around his factory, and gets a deal on 5000 gallons of black paint. The Black Helicopter is invented. You'd have to be pretty naive to think this was just a lucky coincidence.
- 1939 - Nothing happened in Germany! We were all on vacation! ALLE NATIONE WERDEN SICH UNTER DEUTSCHLAND VERBEUGEN!!!
- 1947 - Nothing happens at Roswell (wink wink).
- 1949 - First meeting of the Trilateral Commission... or is it?
- 1950 - Campaign to flouridate the water supply begun by Communists.
- 1951 - Members of The Resistance discover that tin foil can block mind control rays.
- 1955 - The. U.S. Government does not begin top secret operations at Area 51 (wink wink).
- 1965 - CIA begins spiking the water supply with LSD. The next five years are a fucking blast.
- 1968 - NASA works feverishly to build the sets for the 1969 "moon landings".
- 1974 - TV personality Ed Sullivan passes away due to "natural causes". And just like that, the Jews are one step closer to global domination.
- 1981 - C.I.A. begins research into several devious weapons which will allow them to covertly destroy the fabric of American society, including crack cocaine, AIDS, and Celine Dion.
- 1983 - An automotive engineer invents an engine that runs for 1000 miles on a gallon of water. He disappears 3 days later and is never seen again.
- 1999 - They start following me, first its at a distance, but by October they are no more than 100 yards away at any one time.
- 2000 - Preparations for the 9-11 attacks are begun by agents of the United Nations, the Jews, the CIA, the Vatican, the Frito-Lay company, and the Cub Scouts.
- 2001 - Now they have bugged my telephone, and I am telling you the apartment opposite has a camera facing into my rooms.
- 2006 - William Shatner still on TV. I'm telling ya, there's gotta be a conspiracy behind that one.
- 2007 - Bob Barker is still alive, despite rumors of beliefs that he is suspected to be 124 years old.
- 2008 - CIA disbanded... or is it just the beginning?
- 2010 - That Guy is spotted on the roof with a rifle of some sort...
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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What can one possibly say about Hyperbole? In the past few months, his writing has liberated the Uncyclopedia people from the chains of mediocrity. He's practically rewritten the entire comedic bible in his stay at this website. Funnier than a bear is strong! Why, the sheer significance of this amazing writer's talents, completely eclipses the significance of events as important as 9-11! And that's not all. "Hype" as we like to call him, is quite the ladies man. Women are just falling all over him!!! And so am I! I'm falling all over him! I'm infatuated with this writer's REVOLUTIONARY contributions to comedy! I'm going to die! Do you hear me?! I'M GOING TO FUCKING DIE!!! That's how good he is!
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A man of a thousand names, Multiliteralist is also apparently a man of a thousand literalists. Last month he arrived at Uncyclopedia with his metaphorical guns blazing, which was probably good, because arriving at Uncyclopedia with actual guns blazing probably would've resulted in some injuries. During Multiliteralist's short time here, he has already educated people about the horrible danger of the blank hole, the dangerous horror of the Spiteworm, the undeniable benefits of Total TrashTM, and the horribly dangerous horror-danger of the Cult of Klestosapharot.
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