User:MrCleveland
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 What the fuck? |
Cleveland is a piece of feces in Ohio (see Cleveland Browns), which is on the planet Cardigan. Also known as purgatory, this is the least colorful city in the universe. Its population is unknown, as only part of it resides in our dimension. It has an annual per capita GDP of £1.32, giving it the second-worst economy in the solar system but still ranking ahead of the shit-based economy of Slovenia. Cleveland is famous for its clean streets, friendly people and beautiful factories. (Admit it, <insert name here>, you KNOW you live here.)
Amongst other official city slogans are "Cleveland: at least it's not Toledo", "Cleveland: Around here, It's always next year" and "Cleveland Is Where You Go When You Die!"®
“Cleveland you seen Lois??”
~ Peter Griffin on Cleveland
“CLEVELAND SUCKS!”
~ MrCleveland on Cleveland Sports Teams
[edit] History of Cleveland
Cleveland (also known as C-Town by its wigger inhabitants, real clevelands say wat neighborhood they're from) was born in the year 400 A.D. around the time that Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints was terrorizing the Native American Indians. Cleveland grew up and became the Imperial Chief of the Shawnee tribe and was famous for his abilities with a fiddle and for his mad skills at Warcraft 2. Cleveland was also immortal, which comes into play later. Hold on.
One anecdote about Cleveland's younger years goes like this. When Cleveland was asked, "Does the dog have a Cleveland nature?" He replied, "Mu" which means nothingness. A similar koan has been ascribed to the Zen master Joshu, but he was full of shit.
Anyways, since Cleveland was immortal, he lived to see the white man come to the New World. Knowing this was a very bad thing, Cleveland called all of the great chiefs of the Organized New World Tribes LLC together and explained his plan. The great chiefs saw his wisdom and gathered all their people and technology together. At that time, Cleveland sacrificed a part of himself on the shores of Lake Erie, creating an interdimensional portal(thought to be the other end of the portal on newgrounds) that includes all of modern Cleveland and most of Detroit, through which centuries of fantastic Native American technology (including ray guns and that sorta shit) was able to pass through to the planet Cardigan, where the Organized New World Tribes, LLC formed a fantastic and long lasting empire, and many very successful television programs as well as a booming sweater industry. Cleveland wsa the first state to have a "Penis Festival" which was basically a keggar with naked gays and democrats. Attendees included George Bush, Alex Trebek, Ronald Varner, Simon Cowell, and Josef Stalin.
The Native Americans left behind in the wake of the portal were robbed of most of their previous knowledge, including that of the Mormon faith, and were easily run over by the white man. Cleveland himself had lost much of his power creating the portal, and is now simply a kind immortal who isn't that bright. He currently lives on an Indian Reservation and plays Peter's black friend on Family Guy.
    
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[edit] Modern Cleveland
The portal that Cleveland opened in the town that is now his namesake transfers much needed energy to Cardigan by way of human chemistry. It's a complicated process, but the net result is the transfer of human pain on one side of the portal running power plants on the other. Whenever living in the area around Earth Cleveland begins to become bearable, one of the great chiefs on Cardigan will cross over and make the minimum necessary change to keep the power flowing back home. Of course, the great chiefs tend to keep the unhappiness at only the level they require to keep the lights on because they are wise and kind. Also because people might leave Earth Cleveland and then where the hell would they get power from?
In an effort to trick Earth humans into staying in Earth Cleveland, the chiefs of Cardigan have employed deception, illusion, and D List television star, Chris Angel Mindfreak. On occasion, they will ignite the very rivers and lakes surrounding Earth Cleveland, and then pay homeless people to run through the streets yelling “Oh man, if we try to move away from Cleveland, we’ll like catch fire and stuff!” Another illusion causes giant potholes to appear in the roads of Earth Cleveland during cold weather, and imaginary roadwork crews during warm weather. Wise Clevelanders could measure these potholes, and would learn that they are all the same size and appear in the same places every year. Unfortunately, anyone who might be canny enough to do this has already moved to nearby Akron.
Over the years, Cleveland has been such an innately bad place to live that the great chiefs have only had to step in at irregular intervals. Some notable times when they have had to make Cleveland worse were:
1929: Cleveland Clinic Fire
1970: Cleveland gets a basketball team called the Cavaliers. The lame mascot name and long term mediocrity of the team keeps the power running on Cardigan.
1983: The Cuyahoga River is the least polluted natural anomaly in the world, It was said water from this river burns even the cleanest person skin.
1989: The epi-center of hell is constructed in downtown Cleveland, and is henceforth known as Cleveland State University
1995: Art Modell moves the Browns to Baltimore, only marginally reducing the number of football games won per year in Cleveland. The team sucked anyways, but they were well loved. In 2000, the Ravens won the Super Bowl, causing many Clevelanders to commit suicide off of the rock and Roll Hall of Fame. However, many were saved by an undead Paul Brown.
1999: Cleveland is given back it's beloved Browns, but is fantastically disappointed to find out they suck really really bad.
2007: Cleveland Cavaliers win NBA. ¿really? no... SAn Antonio won Cleveland in the Finals. And a Clevelandian says: Oh! What a pity pity ity ity.... I'm Flanders II, Flanders III... Ned Flanders is from Cleveland
For more information on things that have made Clevelanders sad and people on Cardigan warm, see [1] and while they don't mention the causes of these disasters, we all know the truth now, don't we?
Also Blackfalcon98 lives her and he is gay....Pittsburg is better....So is HollowTips92.
[edit] Cleveland Stains (Browns)
Since returning to the NFL in 1999, the Cleveland Stains have historically been one of the NFL's worst teams.
With the first pick in two NFL drafts the Cleveland Browns netted such "stars" as Tim Couch and Courtney Brown.
As of the end of the 2007 season, they have lost 15 out of 16 games to their cleary superior rivals, The London Silly-Nannies.
[edit] See also
Tom (2000 B.C.-2006 A.D.) Jerry (1999 B.C.-2006 A.D.)
Tom and Jerry were known as the greatest duo of all time. They were the first entertainment duo ever since Moses and Aaron.
Their official start was in Egypt after The Great Plague. Tom was entertaining Pharaoh while Jerry was eating fruit. Tom nearly broke his tail and starting chasing Jerry around the Palace. Since Egyptians were cat-worshipers, they loved Tom and they wanted Jerry to be part of the duo.
1000 years later, when Greece came and poured grease all over Egypt, they took Tom and Jerry over to Greece so that they could become love-slaves to Venus. But Tom broker her arms and Tom went to Hades for 7 years. After Alexander conquered Greece for himself, he brought back Tom out of Hades and Tom and Jerry were reunited.
[edit] Catholic Ages
Tom and Jerry had a great fame until the Fall of The Roman Empire. The new leader burned Tom because he was a Witch. So for revenge, Jerry ate contaminated mushrooms and brought The Black Plague on Europe.
[edit] Renaissance
In 1300's Dante walked into Hell and brought Tom back from the dead. Tom coughed up a big Hairball and The Black Plague ended. But it wasn't until 1517 when Martin Luther made Tom a conqueror of the Thirty Years War.
In 1620, Tom and Jerry took their show to America. Along with them were The poet, the farmer, the magician, the scientist, the physician, and the so-called other Gods.
In 1629, Tom was fined for chasing mice on Sundays. And the Pilgrims called him a witch. They Crucified Tom for his crime and went back to hell.
[edit] 4th Life
In 1776, George Washington declared war against Britain and Tom came back as a Redcoat by air. Paul Revere killed Tom with his horse. And Tom returned to Hell again.
[edit] 5th Life
In 1865, Jerry lived in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania with Abraham Lincoln. Tom attempted to kill Lincoln at Henry Ford's Theater when Lincoln was watching the play Cars. It was there when John Wilkes Booth killed Tom, thinking that he was the President.
[edit] 6th Life
In 1881, there was a quarrel between Tom and James Garfield. Jerry killed Tom and badly wounded Garfield who died two years later.
[edit] 7th Life
In 1901 at the Shriners Convention in Buffalo, where a Polish Guy wounded McKinnley. But it was when Tom and Jerry did a Minstrel Show that Kanye West shot Tom and William McKinnley. McKinnley was recovered, but Tom didn't.
[edit] 8th Life
In 1963, the day before The Beatles came to America, John F. Kennedy was in Dallas. This time, it was Tom who was the killer. He shot JFK and Martin Luther King at the same time. The next day, he was in Soviet Union giving the Egg Salad recipe to Boris and Natasha. That was when Hitler shot Tom for being a Communist.
[edit] Final Life
In 2006, Tom and Jerry got busted in London for smoking opium in front of the children. Mammy saw all this and called the police to arrest them for encouraging children to smoke especially on Television.
On December 2006, Tom and Jerry were killed in a smoking room. Their legacy of their cartoons are now banned from the airwaves because of their racist remarks, usage of smoking, drinking, using drugs, painting graffiti and sex.
Tom got ressurrected by a voodoo master along with Saddam and was last seen shaking his furry butt at a male strip club.
Jerry got cloned by Aisan scientists and he stole one of their rocketships and went to venus.
[edit] Nowday
Tom is in work for Saddam Hussein in New York City so they can take over the paradise with chemical weapon. Jerry is living on venus, because he heard Venus is "Hot" (many hot chicks) but in fact it is "hot" (very very warm). he have no money anymore, and have not even afford to move to Ganymedes.
In 2008, Iran has threatened Tom and Jerry because it made Jews look good. But Mel Brooks said that Iran never looked better in Hollywood.
[edit] People who were on Tom's side
[edit] People who were on Jerry's side
[edit] People who hated Tom and Jerry
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“I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie World”
~ Aquaman
“No one love pink more than I!”
~ Barbie
“Barbie, would you like to discover what scissoring is?”
~ Woman's Fast Pitch Midge on Barbie
“Dat Barbie be one stuck up Ho!”
~ Bratz Dolls on Barbie
“I aspire to be Barbie”
“If Barbie is so popular, how come you have to buy all her friends?”
~ Me on Barbie
“Barbie is a great football player, she just plays great football, awesome football”
~ John Madden on Barbie
“Girls don't play football, moron”
~ Oscar Wilde on The above quote
Barbie is the everygirl toy doll manufactured by Mattel and is quite possible the most popular doll ever with little girls and attorneys. Girls from the age of 5 through menopause love Barbie because of her fashion sense, and because her physical charecteristics are unattainable with bullimia or anorexia nervosa and thus lead girls to come to have bad body images. Attorneies love Barbie because of all the patent infringment litigation and the money that rakes into their coffers.
[edit] Early History
Barbie's roots date to Gina Red Barbera, a very popular german toy, was invented by Hanna-Barbera and former Gestapo Hauptsturmführer Klaus Barbie in 1959.
Klaus Barbie had previously earned a considerable fortune performing at sideshows as "Klauschen, The Worlds Tiniest Nazi Midget", and most of this money went into the creation of the first line of Barbie dolls. "I zimply vanted somethink in my own size to cuddle vith" the diminutive Klaus would later tell his biographers.
When Barbera died, Klaus changed the name of the doll to Just Barbie, a cheers to his little self.
Currently, Hasbro owns the rights to the dolls, as well as the D&D range, and are making versions of the dolls to be used as figures in the games. The new range includes:
- Can't Commit Ken
- Women's Fast Pitch Midge
- Tweaked Up Skipper
- Afro Power Midge
[edit] Crossovers
In 1997, Hasbro coupled with the electronic-death giant Sony to create the crossover videogame, Barbie in Doom. The massively unpopular first-person shooter is credited with single-handedly causing the collapse of Sony and the subsequent surrender of it United States to the country of Estonia.
'There's no nudity! This game sucks as much as every other Barbie game ever made!' -Oscar Wilde
The only copy of Barbie in Doom known not to have been destroyed has been encased in an arcade-game box and is held in a maximum-security wing of the University of The North Pole. Viewing hours pending.
[edit] Other Nefarious Dealings
Hasbro also rigged her election in 1950 A.D. when she ran for president. She became the 19th United States President. She currently resides in the town of Peru, Illinois.
[edit] Facts about Barbie
A very popular plastic toy which is often collected by young girls or dirty, old men.
The original Ken doll was taken off the market after the Bored Housewives Association deemed it unsuitable for impressionable girls. It has since been replaced by the new Ken, who comes with six-pack and beer gut.
In a recent interview with salacious gossip tabloid The New York Times, Barbie denied any romantic involvement with GI Joe, insisting that her heart belongs to paunchy but realistic Ken, asking that this be an example to her fans and their five year old daughters.
In 2004 Barbie appeared on the game show Jeopardy and lost $1145. She did however beat fellow contestants George W. Bush and Paris Hilton.
[edit] Barbie Club
There is an exclusive Barbie club which, while having a large following, has only two actual members, one of whom is the notorious Rasta Jesus. The other is surprisingly none other than Squirtle of Pokemon fame, whose vast appetite for pornography caused him to join in the hope that he would be surrounded by prepubescent girls.
[edit] Barbie Censorship
Speaking Barbies can no longer speak since erotic barbie in the late 70's who was said to say, "Oh Ken, what a big cannon you have there," while pressing her lower region.
[edit] More To Love Barbie: Jenny Craig Edition doll
The torso of this special edition Barbie has a synthetic jelly pumped into the outside layer. It comes with a Jenny Craig diet book and Jenny Craig food. You have to feed the doll the Jenny Craig food and make it exercise on the treadmill at Jenny Craig home gym. If you don't feed the doll Jenny Craig food it stretches and gets bigger until it bursts.
The "Life Size Boob Job Barbie" that came with inflatable breasts has been recalled after the breasts have popped and several children were blinded.
[edit] Physical Attributes
Traditionally, Barbie dolls were always emaciated with small feet. This is because Barbie dolls have always been tortured. Hasbro intended for teenage girls to have fun mashing Barbie dolls in blenders, decapitating the dolls, rubbing Spandex and eggs on the dolls, feeding them to the household pet, and ejaculating on them. After all, the more dolls destroyed-ah, the more moolah made-ah!
Barbie is notorious for her apparent lack of nipples and female genitalia. The proportions of her body are also such that if she were a real human woman, she would die of massive bone breakage and internal hemorrhaging before taking three steps. This has lead many critics to postulate that Barbie is in fact based on a failed experiment to cross human and alien DNA.
[edit] Cheap Ho' Barbie
As part of the 500th Anniversary of the creation of Barbie a collection of "special" Barbies were created, the most popular been the Cheap Ho' (released in the UK as "Slapper" or Chav Barbie) Barbie. The doll was released in a double pack, with an additional Ken figure, released as Colombian (Released in UK as "Manchester") Ken.
[edit] Barbie Additional Features
- Realistic "gripping" Thighs
- Y-shaped leg hinges
- Three "authentic" holes
- Touch-activated snatch including - "Uuuuughhh", "That feels so good, baby", "50 dorra, me ruv you long time", "Yesyesyesyes YESSSSS!!!!", "Talk to me!", and "I love to fuck!"
- Fart and burp tones with extra ones downloadable, extra software installable through USB socket in the rear.
- Ballistics gel (.Y.) if you know what I mean.
- Catfight Mode (can be set manually, automatic on detection of a Sindy Doll) and Falling Down Drunk Mode.
[edit] Ken Additional Features
- Bitchslapping Action
- Pimpslapping Action
- Realistic vocalisation including - "I'm gonna cut you good" and "Who's your daddy, now, bitch?"
- "She's not worth it mode" - in response to Barbie going into Catfight Mode, alternative vocalisations include "Just sit on the bitch, Barbie!", "Grab her hair", "Fuck her up good!" and "Whoa, you whooped her ass good!".
[edit] Related Mechandise
A selection of items were released as part of the Cheap Ho' range, including the Colombian Ken Pimp Mobile, Alleyway Diarama Set and a range or related clothing accessories.
[edit] Australian Barbie
The Australian Barbie is slang for "burning sausages". Currently this method is used by all top quality chefs (Australian standards) all over Australia. Notorious for giving very good blowjobs.
[edit] Method
The method involves putting some snags onto the the BBQ and letting them sit there for at least an hour. During this hour you are required to talk to your "mates" about football, beer and women. During this conversation you should include these phrases: "Yeah, mate" or "G'day".
See also: girls.
[edit] Parveen Barbie
Dances and sings in Hindi. In response to Amitabh Bachchan in films on tv and in cinema says Let's do it big boy.
[edit] Failed Barbies
Through history barbies have been known to be popular to down right dangerous. Several times barbies have been removed from the shelves for being, A) Dangerous, B) Unsuitable, and/or C) Actually nonexistent.
Here's a few examples of failed barbies:
- Snow Ho Barbie - Reason for failure: B)
- Barb-Wire Barbie - Reason for failure: A)
- Let's Talk About Sex Barbie - Reason for failure: B) Intended as a Sex-Ed prop but the only market was, unfortunately, teenage males
- Imaginary Friend Barbie - Reason for failure: C) The fact it didn't exist didn't stop it from being a huge hit because the kids in the 70's were coked out of their minds
- Vibrating Barbie - Reason for failure: A) Lasted a long time because girls LOVED it, especially teenagers
- Trailer Tranny Barbie - Reason for failure: A) The box said living as a hooker is fun and is a religious service to the community
- The Crying Game Barbie - Reason for failure: B) Deeply disturbing and poorly-researched movie tie-in
- The Neocon Governor of Alaska and Vice Presidential candidate Barbie.
- Prostitute Barbie - Reason for failure: C) Barbie already is a whore.
[edit] Fights and Feuds
Barbie has had a number of high-profile fights with perennial rival Sindy over the years, mainly at toy conventions. One such incident featured Barbie straddling Sindy's chest reigning down blows on her before being pulled away by Action Man. After a number of years, this lead to special WCW and WWF "Barbie vs Sindy" events and the launch of the Barbie & Sindy wrestling ring and more recently a cage for Total Scrag Fighting.
| Preceded by: King Kong | President of the United States 151-182 AD | Succeeded by: Escape Key |
| Mythical United States Presidents |
|---|
|
1st Eris Discordia → George Washington Carver → Billie Jean → Ruby Tuesday → Escape Key → Spark Notes → Jayson Blair → Garfield → Elvis Presley → 10th Thomas Jefferson → Michael Jordan → Ronald McDonald → Doris Day → Ayn Rand → Kermit the Frog → Teddy Ruxpin → Aretha Franklin → King Kong → Barbie → 20th Escape Key (2) → Fillard Millmore → Grover Cleveland → Harper Lee → Grover Cleveland (2) → Beetle Bailey → Grover Cleveland (3) → Abraham Lincoln → Chevy Trailblazer → Elton John → 30th The Unknown Bassist → Satan → Nicole Ritchie → Billy Ocean → Calvin Coolidge → Tom Cruise → Charles Nelson Reilly → Bill Clinton → George W. Bush → 40th Dick Cheney → Saddam Hussein → Ashlee Simpson → Emmanuel Lewis → Calvin Klein → John Kerry → Lyndon Baines Johnson → Jerry Seinfeld → Oprah Harpo 5932 → Bill Clinton v 2.0 → 50th Zsa Zsa Gabor → Madonna → Me → Your mom → Jesus H. Christ → Teeth → 56th Bob |
[edit] See Also
| Currently this article appears to have few or no pictures and is hence a candidate for receiving some pictures. If possible, please add some pictures to make it into a full encyclopedia article and then remove this message. Do not remove this notice until it receives some pictures. Failure to comply may result in this template being added again. |
E.T. was an Extra-Terrestrial with an Extra Testicle. He was born sometime in the 1960's and lived much of his life on a very randomly named planet. You know that one were talking about. That really smelly one. E.T. Became a media darling in the 1980's, like Steve Guttenberg. But unlike Steve Guttenberg, he remains popular today.
[edit] His arrival on Earth
E.T. came to the planet earth in 1982 to collect plant specimens which his species would use to create a super virus to killl everyone on the planet. He was left behind and went on to live with a family in Roswell, New Mexico and was a popular hit with little children.
He lived with the family until 1984, when he became a Faith Healer by shining his penis on the part of the body that hurts. He was known as the Messiah towards many people living in the states of California, Nevada and New Mexico. In 1987 he realized that healing was becoming a very tiring and boring profession as everyone acted so grateful when healed but gave very little money. He decided to make his own film, though this film is very popular and is very touching for many people, nobody saw the scenes that E.T wrote himself, the most prominent of these is a 23 minute sequence of him wanking the shower. He found out that sex was the best thing in the world. This is why he then changed professions to a professional rapist. He is now considered the most famous Alien Rapist to ever exist on the planet Earth. ET is going to eat your flesh! After walking with some tiny sized legs. He Met Wacko Jacko, and they both joined forces by walking into Mordor, and fighting The evil Kittens of Mordor.
He also chose to briefly become a porn star because of his big red vibrating finger. He has pleasured captain Jack Sparrow from torchwood.
[edit] The Oprah Days
While living on the confusing planet, Earth, E.T. decsided to host his(or her) own television show. His show became so popular, that people would call him "the Second Oprah". Image:Http://www.tokyopop.com/FlareSolsun/art/1275424.html
[edit] E.T.'s death
On the date of November 16th, 1989, E.T. was taking a dump in one of the small rivers in southern California when his penis got bit off by a beaver. E.T., in a fit of horrible pain fell into a hole. He tried to extend his neck and hover out of the hole when a mysterious doctor who was eventually identified as Michael Jackson raped E.T. in the hole and left him for dead.
After that, the FBI kidnapped E.T. as a cover considering they were under the payroll of Michael Jackson himself. The FBI held E.T. until 1992 when he discovered alcohol and started binge drinking in secrecy in the FBI's main holding area. He eventually succumbed to alcohol poisoning. The death of E.T. was a serious blow to the global economy and was a leading cause of the collapse of the Soviet Union. Even today, the memories of E.T. still live on. On November 16th, every year, all across Mexico, lighs are shined up into the cloud to pay homage to their beloved E.T.. Hovering in our skies, his parents, still oblivious to his disapearance, try to scare the shit out of primatily the Americans and the Mexicans.
[edit] His Video Game
E.T. had a video game released to commemerate his life. It was described at the time as the greatest thing the human race had ever produced, ever (note this was before 4chan was created). However all copies of it were eventually destroyed as people were spending such vast amounts of time playing the game instead of working causing a global recession. All copies of the game were buried with the gold underneath the World Trade Centres and the entire population of Earth was brainwashed to assume the game was utter shit, most likely by Jaws. ET slept with his bosses wife!!!!!!!!
| alias =
| species = Clown
| gender = Male
| age = Infinity
| born = ?
| death = Never!
| height = ?
| occupation = Fictional clown mascot for the McDonald's fast food chain.
| title = McDonald's Mascot
| family = Brother McDonald,Sister McDonald
| spouse = Aunt McDonald
| children = Marle McDonald,Jana McDonald,Mira McDonald
| relatives = Brother and Sister. Aunt McDonald(wife). children
| episode = commercials
| portrayer = Willard Scott, Bev Bergeron,
George Voorhis, Bob Brandon, King Moody, Squire Fridell, Jack Deopke, Joe Maggard, and Brad Lennon
| creator = Willard Scott, George Voorhis and Terry Teene (Disputed)
| phrase = McDonald's Main Mascot }}
“My fuck buddies, such as Ronald McDonald, Barney the Dinosaur, and Dick the Clown call me Big Daddy, aka Penis. When they go to my love chamber, I give them a Viagra burger and a cum shake with a penis straw.”
~ Your Dad on Ronald McDonald
“Of all the years I have been around, making top-quality roadkill burgers, I have never despised such a clown with lack of fashion. I mean, the red wig is so last year.”
“What the hell does he slip into food to make people keep coming back!? And I thought my herbs and spices were dangerously mysterious!”
~ Colonel Sanders on Ronald McDonald's additives
“This guy has serious issues. Who is their right mind would wear red with yellow while dressed as a clown?”
~ The Little Chef on Ronald McDonald's fashion sense
“It then sat on him, and that sufficated him and he died. Man that was some good day.”
~ Shaquille O'Neal on Ronald McDonald
“Ran Ran Ru!”
~ MrCleveland on Ronald McDonald
“I DO BIG MAAAAC!”
~ Dr Rockzo after hanging out with Ronald McDonald for a week
Ronald McGODDAMN Donald is a clown character used as the primary mascot, or insane king, of the McDonald's fast-food restaurant chain. Ronald McDonald has been called the second most recognized figure in the world (after Santa Claus)[1]. In television commercials, the clown inhabits a fantasy world called McDonaldland, and has adventures with his muppet friends Mayor McCheese, the Hamburglar, Grimace, Birdie the Early Bird, and The Fry Kids. The McDonald's Corporation has also characterized Ronald McDonald as being able to speak 31 different languages including Mandarin, Dutch, Tagalog, and Hindi.[2] In recent years, the "childish" McDonaldland has been largely phased out, and Ronald is instead shown interacting with normal kids in their everyday lives. He was first portrayed on television by Willard Scott.
Many people work full-time making appearances in the Ronald McDonald costume, visiting children in hospitals. There are also Ronald McDonald Houses, where parents can stay overnight when visiting sick children in nearby chronic care facilities. Since August 2003, McDonald has been officially recognized as the "Chief Happiness Officer" of the McDonald's Corporation.
In 1989 he gunned down Daphne Blake during The 14 Ghouls Of Scooby Doo at a Burger King in Hollywood CA.
In 1990 he shot Brenda Chance in front of Safeway in Hollywood when Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels came to solve a shooting.
[edit] Ronald's Early Life
Ronaldistein Stalinski McDonald was born to Satan on May 2nd. After Satan abandoned him, a passing family of clowns (gypsies) found him in the burger box he was abandoned in. From an early age he found he was addicted to crappy fast food, likely because of his early experience. His family were very poor and could only live off scraps found in the bottom of bins. At this stage Ronald became obsessed with burgers and began manufacturing them out of his bin-scrapings (a recipy which remains unchanged to this day), these proved very popular when he sold them on the streets but his first experience with fast food was about to be cut short.
When his Step Mother finally died of AIDS, Ronald received an ass rape from his older brother, scarring him for life and turning him into a rapist as well as a burger obsessive. He fled to a nearby bar with a few friends. There he publicly came out of the closet and formed a band. He soon realized that his talent extended far beyond pole-dancing and started to write lyrics on the toilet between getting beatings from his manager. During these years, all that came out of the lyrics were. Ba-da-da-da-dahonald
Ah, screw it.
McDonald was also a humanitarian, as seen in his frequent visits to the concentration camps in Germany during World War II. He would offer cheeseburgers and fries to any Jew or Communist willing to give him a blow job. Here, Ronald discovered his love of children. Straights and non-straights, whites and blacks, jews and not jews...he banged em all. To keep it up, he invented a line of fast food to seduce the young ones
The food proved popular. More than half of the population has eaten his shit. While the food helps plump up Americans everywhere, it is also the cause of many dead pre-pubescent bodies. More than 900,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 children have been McDonald's victims, either from the food or the rape that followed the meal.
[edit] Immunity
Ronald McDonald, Michael Jackson, The Joker and Dick the Clown come from a blood line that is immune to all types of STDs. This was a great
One day, in the middle of masturbating with MJ, he went into a 2 week coma. When he woke up in the gay men hospital, Michael Jackson explained, "You may be immune to dying from STDs, but that doesn't mean you don't catch them." Realizing this, he was a little more careful with choosing his kids, because now he has to insert 55 dildo sized pills up his ass, and even that is too much for him to handle. See: Bisexuality
[edit] The Rise and Fall of Ronald McDonald
McDonald couldn't help but lose popularity with each passing single and it seemed he was destined for the big time beating. Fast cars, luxurious mansions, chihuahuas ... he wished for it all. As a hobby he would chew on dildos, until one accidentally vibrated and knocked most of his teeth out. He got much of his talent from his brother, Michael Jackson; both of whom used cosmetic surgery in an attempt to further their careers. Image:Example.jpg
It was at this point in his life when everything started to go wrong. Firstly, notorious ex-girlfriend Michelle Jochum told the press that she was expecting a love-child with McDonald. Jochum had also expressed her love for Scientology and so was not the ideal mother for McDonald's baby. McDonald denied any relation had ever taken place, but DNA testing later proved otherwise. This affair was detailed in McDonald's 1991 single "Silly Bitch". This is the video:
Secondly, McDonald began to push his cousin, The Joker, out of the limelight with the release of his 1991 EP "Ain't No Jokin' My Joker (I'm the New Clown Prince of Crime)". This lead his whole family to criticise the quality of Ronald's, and eventually publicly denounce him. The Joker now resides on the planet McDonald's Land Def Con 5, with most of the family. He is currently dating Delta Goodrem and Australia's Princess Edna simultaneously, thanks to the country's lax laws on bigamy. Finally, he suffered an attempt on his life, when fellow gangster rapper, the late, great Threepac fired 8 rounds at him with a cabbage-rifle. He survived, but spent the next 4 months in a series of hospitals, as no single hospital would accept him for more than two weeks after a series of other disappearing patient. McDonald recovered and released his new album Mr. T Ain't Got Shit On Me in 1991, which sparked the hit single Butt Fights'. McDonald realised that he could have died in the attempt on his life, and decided to live each day as if it were his last.
Now McDonald's life took a turn for the bizarre. He took up several furry creatures as companions and turned them into his new crew (a trait learned from his brother). His once youthful and boyish good looks were replaced by that of a weathered old man. His locks began to curl and his tanned complexion became more and more pale. It was becoming obvious to all and sundry that something was amiss. His penis took a sharp turn to the left. Yes, that's right kids: Ronald is now 100% gay; as gay as the day is long.
This meant that he would work extra hard to seduce men of all ages with his fast food chain.The Burger King thinking Mcdonald was crazy killed Ronald ,but it was just a clone. He slaughtered and served several women who ate there once they were fat enough, and sold them off to men hungry for oral sex. He calmed down after getting pregnant with his first child, but a warehouse full of bead meatbags would later lead to an arrest.
Appearing on an Oprah special in the mid 80s, McDonald told the millions watching that he was happy in his life and that everything was fine. He also made it quite clear that he was not undergoing cosmetic surgery again, and try to remake his old face. Despite his lies, evidence that his face was undergoing some kind of transformation was finally obvious when he was spotted out shopping complete with large bulbous red nose and a fake vagina. Those closest to him who have agreed to speak to the media have blamed McDonald's clown-like appearance on his obsession with the circus and the countless times as a child when his father whipped him to within an inch of his life while dressed like a ringmaster.
The characteristically orange overall is from his days at Guantanamo Bay. It was after a birthday party in McDonald's, Kabul, where he terrorized kids with stupid jokes, balloons and singing. He was detained and immediately deported to Guantanamo.
McDonald angered the United Nations when he ordered his troops to invade Poland in an attempt to overthrow The King. This was a tremendous failure, resulting in 30,000 deaths on the McDonald side. This was quite strange as the troops never reached Poland. After stopping in France, approx. 20,987 troops died of STD's. This small epidemic is said to have been the cause of the outbreak of AIDS. McDonald fled to Mexico shortly after the news of his failure reached him, where he currently resides on his plantation next to Santa Ana. Currently, Poland is the only country that does not have a McDonald's restaurant, due to the fact that McDonald's does not supply doors wide enough to fit most Poles. Recently, McDonald has left Mexico and retreated to his personal crack palace in Germany where he enjoys having sex with hundreds of prostitutes and smoking McCrack.
[edit] Current Location
Ronald McDonald's location is still a mystery today. He is said to be currently living under Mt. Everest. He usually rapes those who
McDonald's location was tracked by a GPS device. A CIA agent spotted him and shot a GPS dart up his ass. He orgasmed and gave the CIA agent enough time to escape. The CIA traced his last location to be near Mt. Everest. The GPA device stopped working somehow, even though it was indestructible and solar powered. The CIA predict that he has a secret lair below Mt. Everest.
[edit] Arrest
On August 28th, 1989, McDonald was detained at Fort Lauderdale International Airport and later arrested for attempted Big Mac smuggling. He was returning from a "spiritual vacation" (read "underage sex holiday") in Afghanistan and his suitcase was filled almost entirely with Big Macs and McBig McDildos. McDonald took a plea bargain and served just six months in gay men prison, but wanted to stay longer because he enjoyed raping men in the showers. After being released from Gay Men Prison there was an incident at the Mcdonalds shit fest. A 25 year old women recieved third degree burns from spilling coffee on herself. A later interview with the faggot himself, Ronald apologized and had finally outed his embarassing addiction to sticking his penis in hot coffee. Ronald ran away, leaving customers staring at their coffee.
In 2004, McDonald was caught at a diner in Mississippi, ass fucking little boys in the washroom. He was arrested and put away in the local prison in Kosciusko, where he was let out on bail by a "mystery man". He also pleaded guilty to calling the payphone at a diner in New Jersey every night at exactly midnight since 1998 looking for "manly love" It was even covered in the hit magazine, Weird N.J.. When asked for comment he replied "I need a man badly, I can't live without one!"
[edit] The Anime
Nothing here. Who the hell would want to watch it anyway?
[edit] Clones
Michael Jackson, angry after he