User:Pentium5dot1/Storage facility/In The Groove (2nd attempt)

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about In The Groove.

In The Groove, also known as ITG, is the unholy bastard child of Satan's puppet company, Roxor. It was created to destroy the empire that was Konami by being better, faster, and harder. ITG players are usually covered in herpes and are in constant pain from their persecution after they betrayed DDR, the one true dance game. Playing ITG is condemned by Super Pope, as well as Popezilla and God or whoever you believe in.

ITG was first released in 2152, then brought back in time to 1936, where ITG artist Danny Glover met L. Ron Hubbard. The music in ITG is based on the work of 5 artists. One of which, not to name any names _(Nina), snuck into the other artists' rooms, killed them, and stole their songs and chips.

[edit] Notable players

The sad truth is that nobody has survived playing ITG for long enough to become truly notable.

We're DOOMED!

This article contradicts itself. The article submitter probably has split personality. You can help Uncyclopedia by making its left hand know what the right hand does.

Or at least that's what the cabal wants us to think...

[edit] Hazards

A careless ITG player meets his doom.

The ITG2 dedicabs have all been fixed with a number of defense mechanisms, such as land mines and buzz saws. This is to prevent any sabotage from the DDR loyalists as well as to keep inexperienced n00bs from spreading their filth all over the pad. Roxor was also able to create harder songs with more difficult ratings after sacrificing two Iraqi prisoners of war to Satan. Also, Jewish ITG lobbyist Jack Abramoff bribed several Republican senators into passing a law allowing the use of 3 and 4 arrow jumps (and even more than 4 arrows at once, for mutated freaks), which can play hell with your joints on playing doubles. This lead to further injuries after its release, putting our nation's Asian population at risk.

[edit] DDR vs. ITG

As In The Groove converted more pious Christians into witches, Konami began to look for ways to bring this evil empire to its knees. In 2000, Naoki Maeda forged a mighty song from the fires of Mount Doom and christined it "MAXX to the XXXimum". When it was tested by the focus groups, however, it was very unpopular since they knew that if they let this song come out, ITG would be obliterated with its suckitude. So they rejected it, saying it was "too hard" (of course, what they actually meant to say was that it was "too awesome" since they were demons of ITG and liked pretending they were cool). Naoki remixed the song and released it as "The legend of MAX", which was still a song of epic proportions.

Roxor took this opening to release VerTex², the song responsible for thousands of nerd deaths. Konami retaliated by creating Fascination MAXX and CHAOS, two unholy creations that defy nature and the law by exceeding the legal number of stops and speed changes. The release of Fascination ~eternal love mix~ attempted to put the final nail in the coffin, as well as fix the timing issues on the already fucked up DDR SuperNOVA machines, but ITG2 is still going strong and gaining strength. This ultimately became a contest between DDR and ITG as to who could kill the most kids.

The final blow from Roxor came in the form of a little kitty, Little Kitty Mine mine to be exact. This ungodly song has murdered hundreds of thousands of nerds and almost caused the demise of the 4-panel dancing game. Many players have tried passing this song but the end result is always the same. The world record stands at 13.37% by Chuck Norris. At the ITG world cup in 2006, it was the random song chosen for the tie breaker but even the mad skillz of LilQ and Damien were not up to the challenge. A Warning to all who plan to attempt this song in the future: Make sure you have life insurance, and don't forget to bring a towel.

Before the lawsuit became completely legal, Roxor spewed out secret beta versions of ITG3 before Konami landed the final blow, which ended up turning into a full-blown war. Naoki headed the DDR army whilst Kyle Ward, epic step/song maker extraordinare, lead the ITG army in an all-out battle royale. This great conflict was officially documented by an ITG crony formerly known as "TAKA" in a book called "The War of the Arrows", which accurately depicted the epic, bloody battles which took place during that time, including the destruction of the world when the bioterroristic Jokr never got Kyle Ward and ate a bomb, exploded, and infected the world with STDs.

[edit] Online communities

[edit] ITGfreak.com

Baby Black Jesus created itgfreak.com on February 32th, 2000¾. In its first year of existence, ITGfreak.com was a holy utopia of intelligent human beings, and possibly a space cat or two (one of these cats was rumored to be named Milo). These people (and cats) were allowed to discuss freely their burning hate for DDR. However, apparently someone (not naming any names here) pissed off Baby Black Jesus (BBJ). BBJ decided to punish all of the intelligent people on the interwebs, and he cast down the much-feared 16½-footer plague. From then on, ITGfreak.com has fallen deeper and deeper into the ~~shit~~wormholes of the Internet. Luckily, our Lord and Savior descended from the Heavens in the form of Blackbird, who basically just owned the shit out of the entire website. In order to escape the resulting bubonic plague, they were sent back in time to April 1st, 2007. Not more than 316 hours later, the very same bubonic plague (now possibly nuclear) caught up with them again. After remaining in suspended animation for a duration of 2 weeks, ITGfreak.com was eventually awoken as a result of the endless stream of piss which was being poured onto it by those who actually gave a shit about the site. To this day, with the exception of Socal (who are speculated to be simply too fucking cool to allow foreigners inside), it is believed that all awesome members of the Website Formerly Known As ITGFreak.com had somehow escaped to a better website, whose and location are still unknown.

[edit] Legal issues

On October 18th, 2006, Konami won the glorious fight against Roxor in court over the copyright issue that Roxor foolishly tried to bitch about. The spoils of the battle included the intellectual property rights to the ITG franchise, as well as fabulous cash prizes and parting gifts. Praise be to Allah, who has delivered the leviathan into the talons of the soaring eagle, flying overhead and shitting on America's ugly minivans. Kyle Ward (the artist who is behind smiley, KaW, Inspector K, Kid Whatever, Dax, Your Mother, Sausage, Bacon, Dukamok, Anet, Three Days Grace, Blue Man Group and just about every artist in the history of forever) commented on this sad event with these simple words "I'm not ZiGZaG"

[edit] ITG3's preview

ITG3's preview has been long awaited for 3 years. And leaks got out when they were actually working on it (2 weeks). Roxor is only half done. And they are currently on a manhunt to find whoever lost the remote. They searched the couch then fell asleep because they are too lazy to get off their ass to do anything except watch Rugrats. Ryan McKanna said about this subject, "As much as I care about ITG, I want to turn the volume up on Rugrats even more. I'll work on it later." Chris Foy said "I'm not interested, when it's about time to make the steps, I'll just bash 1-4 on StepMania while it's set to 16th notes."